Dear My Funny Valentine

My Funny Valentine lyrics

My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart

Your looks are laughable
Yet you’re my fav’rite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

Don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine
Each day is valentine’s day

Valentine Daisy

I scanned the single daisy from a sales flyer in the newspaper this week. Pretty with the daisy and red heart in the centre. But the colours don’t scan well from newsprint grade paper. Still, you get the idea.

The other flowers are from one of those sites sellng bouquets online. I had the link on Facebook and don’t even remember the site now. Great flower combination. I really like how cheery they look.

Eartly Valentines and Candy Hearts

This was in a flyer this week. Pretty diamond daisies for a Valentine. Not that I wear jewelry, but it’s pretty.

Your Candy Heart Says “First Kiss”

You’re a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.
You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

What turns you off: cynics who don’t believe in romance

Why you’re hot: you always keep the romance alive

Hand Drawn Valentines

150 Valentines drawn by Marian Bantjes.

For 3 years now I’ve adopted Valentine’s Day as my time to make contact with people. This year I got the crazy idea to draw each one by hand. I liked the idea that each person would get something unique, with their name on it, but that there would be a larger whole that they would also be part of.

How to Get Rid of a Man Before Valentines Day

So many magazines, blogs and such are talking about how to get a Valentine. I even wrote about it myself here and there. But really, what a grrl really needs to know is how to get rid of men (in general). There may actually be one or two of the species you like enough to keep around, one who somehow didn’t become quite such a mutant as the rest. Must have been some industrial accident on Mars.

Anyway, for the real women out there who are still dating and yet not really dating… Here are my top five ways to get rid of a man.

1) Aim for his heart, especially if you know archery or some other skill that uses a target for practice.

2) If you don’t have any of those above skills… aim below the belt. Decide whether you want to scare him away with sex or without sex. If you have enough carnal knowledge to pull it off start talking about all the sex you just have to have, how often and all kinds of varieties. Men may think they would like sex manaic but in reality they don’t want a woman who wants sex more than they can handle putting out.

3) On the other hand, if you’re not quite ready to talk about gadgets, devices, whips and chains and endless stamina… go in the other direction. Talk about how annoying sex is. How messy it is and how boring it is to just lie there and wait for the guy to finally roll off and leave you alone. The jerk. Talk about the last book you read, in bed.

4) Make a fuss over him, cook up a dinner (learn his food allergies), wash his clothes (and put them away, somewhere), suggest he replace his old toothbrush, iron his underwear (use starch), organize his CD’s and books, hem his pants, take his worn out clothes and other junk to Goodwill for him. I’m sure he’ll be thanking you in no time. If he actually does you need to pack up a suitcase and move in with him. Get him to carry in all your feminine products, every last bag of pads, tampons, Midol and whatever else you can come up with. Make him useful.

5) Start talking about all your great plans for the future. All those kids you want to have. How you think a woman should be able to have it all so you’ve planned to have kids and then go back to work full time. Of course, he can stay at home. It’s only fair since you were the one who had the labour for all those kids. Offer to teach him how to do laundry, clean and get books about potty training so he can start studying for his life as a house husband now. Get your prospective Mother in Law into it too if he’s a Mama’s boy and she really wants those grandchildren.

Hope that helps you. Doesn’t it make you feel happy to be single?