I took this while getting groceries and running errands this week. This is what I was carrying from one bus to the next. I had groceries in the backpack and the black bag under my purse. I try to stuff things into my purse too but already had it pretty full. Crazy how much we cart around at times. Much easier with a car of course. On the bus you can’t leave anything in your trunk it’s all there, all day, until I get off the last bus and walk home.
All those warm cars going by while I waited for the bus. I kept thinking how nice it would be to have a warm car. Why do they never ask if you’d like a ride? On those really frigid days when your eyes water and the water freezes onto your face, why do so many cars just drive on by. I was so cold on Friday that even a ride just to the next bus stop down the street would have been a help. Just a few minutes to defrost.
I feel like I’m not quite living on the planet along with everyone else these days. I’m daydreaming more cause they are such simple things. Instant pleasure, no complications and completely under my own control. (I can do all kinds of things with Keanu and he is quite happy about it all).
In reality… I have bills stacking up (I don’t owe anything as of this month but next month they will all slide together and start attacking me). I don’t have any income. Which is really bothering me as far as that whole bill paying thing.
Can you believe a Keanu Reeves movie just came on?.. Sure I’m watching the Space Station, have been most of the night. But what an odd coincidence. He always has good timing in my daydreams too.
Anyway, back to reality. I have the option (if I can figure it out) to retrain and have the course paid for. I have to figure out where the course I want to take is and how long I can manage to go back to school. Not just time and money but the fact of being back at school when I’m about to turn 44.
There’s another little dose of reality, 44. Not just a double digit but repeating itself. Would be ok if it were 33, that doesn’t seem so bad. I can’t hide from my birthday now that it is nearly December.
I really don’t like job hunting. But, there isn’t another way to get another job. I really don’t know how I can do another customer service job. I’m so burnt out on all of that. Just makes me cringe to think about doing all that again for another company, another location and through the Barrie winter too. Bus rides are just not that popular when the snow is up past your knees and the bus routes tend to get shut down each time it snows really hard.
In general I’m dreading having to make all these decisions. Still have the excuse of gathering the facts. But that can’t go on for much longer.
Whatever happens will happen though and I will be here to see it. Sometimes you can pretend you are just on the sidelines to your own life and look at it with the nice shiny rose coloured glasses. Makes it a lot easier and saves you extra stress. I do that a lot. Keanu doesn’t mind.
Set the alarm clock and ignore it. Just let it go on beep-beep-beeping, getting all upset and flustered. You know how those little yappy alarm clocks sound.
Miss the bus. At the time I would have left for work today I stood at the window and watched the bus leave, without me on it!
Catch up on important things like the book I’ve been reading, my web domain that has been sadly neglected for ages (thatgrrl.ca), fix up the new domain for this blog and figure out why it doesn’t always load up the first time.
Get out for more abandoned farm house photos. Find the locations I have saved in notes, on Flickr and in my email from others.
Check into the idea of making Word Grrls a blog with ads, a money making blog. I know it’s not what I had planned or thought I would do. But, maybe I can run a bit of this and that and not have it feel like a spam pit or ad farm.
Call some other poor fool working as tech support for a company and just shoot the breeze awhile. Funny how often people did that. I don’t think they knew we were rated on how quickly we handled calls. My rating was pretty good, not the best but it wasn’t something they complained about.
Colour my hair again. It’s about time for it to get done. I can see the difference in colour in the new hair. Also need to do laundry, including the bedsheets. All those things I’ve usually left for the weekends when I had more time.
Start that Best of the Web work or get going with it at least. They say it pays after the first thousand sites. I’m not near to that but could be, now that I’m not getting sucked dry at work and coming home wtih massive headaches.
More drawing and doodling and cartooning. Doodle Week Summer is coming up for July.
Have lunch and dinner during rather than skipping them and coming home after 10:00 to eat dinner late. I can even do some cooking. I miss making lasagna and such things. Not as much fun to just crack open a can of soup.
Eventually I will look for some other work. Not yet. I’m giving myself this weekend off. Seems my sister is even going to be dropping by on Saturday. If I were still working I would have missed seeing her at all.
Watching the soaps, catching up on them. Have them on today and don’t know what they are talking about. Seems someone died but so far I haven’t noticed anyone missing.
Writing. Really, actually getting something finished. I made plans to write a guest post this month but have not even started anything. I have an article as a draft about rural exploration but it’s in need of work. Lots of other writing which is half done to not started beyond the idea stage.
You don’t have to get back up. As if you were a rubber ball that can just bounce up from where ever it lands. Don’t rush to get up or feel pressured to bounce back. Just keep moving, in some direction, on some level. Moving gives you momentum and some day you look back and realize how far you’ve come.
I seem to be spouting advice this morning. My advice to myself though it get dressed and don’t miss the last bus into work. 10 minutes to get out of here before I will be late. Oddly I’m still not rushing off.