I have just reformatted the computer again. It’s never simple or standard with this computer. There is always some new glitch each time. Almost like it thinks up a new one just for me. But I’m back.

Today I hung the curtains in my room. GoodWill specials, remodelled and restyled, you could even say, recycled, the best kind. I saw a book at Chapters about The Salvage Sisters, I think that was the title. Recycling GoodWill, garage sale and flea market finds is a hot thing right now. Silly in a way cause we have always done this. Picked up stuff found at the road side, etc.

Anyway, I need to drive down to Newmarket today, Barrie tomorrow and I don’t really have enough cash on hand for all that extra mileage. Just waiting for that serpentine belt thing on the car to crack and be totally screwed. Why do people think I can just run around like this? Can’t they ever have everthing in the same town at the same time? Silly me.


Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
— anonymous

Midlife — when you decide not to kill yourself because you realize you are going to die anyway.
— anonymous

Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don’t keep it a secret.
— Mary Kay Ash (1915 – 2001), founder, Mary Kay Cosmetics

If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business because we’d be cynical. Well that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.
— Ray Bradbury

I don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to earth.
— Pearl S. Buck

Painting from nature is not copying the object; it is realizing one’s sensations.
— Paul Cezanne

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
— Tom Clancy (1947 –), author

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
— Winston Churchill

Good artists borrow; great artists steal.
— Salvador Dali

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Spaceship Earth: The problem for the passengers is that there is no manual to identify all the parts, and no instructions on how to operate the spaceship.
— Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895 – 1983), inventor

The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind, but how to get old ones out.
— Dee Hock, Founder of Visa

We’re flooding people with information. We need to feed it through a processor. A human must turn information into intelligence or knowledge. We’ve tended to forget that no computer will ever ask a new question.
— Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
— Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 – 1968)

When two people love each other,
they don’t look at each other,
they look in the same direction.
— Ginger Rogers (1911 – 1995), actress and dancer

Politicians never accuse you of ‘greed’ for wanting other people’s money, only for wanting to keep your own money.
— Joseph Sobran

Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself.
— James Stephen

Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
— Steven Wright

" New Celestial Computer V!rus3s Detected "

” New Celestial Computer V!rus3s Detected “

While the Hale-Bopp comet may not have any spaceships in its tail, it apparently has released several new celestial computer v!ruses into our galaxy. Initial reports indicate 12 such v!ruses have been detected. The following is a listing of the new v!ruses and their attributes:

The ARIES v!rus continuously creates new *.ini files, and repeatedly reboots your computer to initiate them.

The TAURUS v!rus automatically backs-up all files on your hard drive and prevents you from ever deleting any information or files.

The GEMINI v!rus opens any available communication software, logs on to the internet, and uses your web-browser to search for gossip about celebrities and politicians, starting a new search every 2 minutes.

The CANCER v!rus fills up your hard drive with cooking recipes, home repair tips, and old Dear Abby columns, and then installs a screen-saver that flashes 1-800 numbers for various 12-step programs across your screen.

The LEO v!rus announces its presence with a RealAudio roar (often followed by a QuickTime clip of the MGM lion if supported by your hardware) and proceeds to delete files from your hard drive to make room for the long list of computer systems it has conquered.

The VIRGO v!rus continuously eliminates any files or programs you haven’t used for a month and defrags your hard drive every time you exit a program.

The LIBRA v!rus downloads from the internet any optional features it can find for your installed software, and installs pop-ups for each new feature that describe its pros and cons and asks whether you want it installed now or later.

The SCORPIO v!rus lurks in the background, surreptitiously downloading x-rated binary files every time you surf the net (now you know the real reason web-browsers are so slow!).

The SAGITTARIUS v!rus immediately begins searching your hard drive for the one true Source code, identifying and deleting all mere object code in its path.

The CAPRICORN v!rus constructs and continually updates a database of all information on your hard drive searchable by file name, creation date, file size, author’s name (and last known address), subject, and Library of Congress classification code.

The AQUARIUS v!rus deletes all old versions of any software on your hard drive, and provides new wireless remote connection capability for obtaining the latest version of each program by FTP transfer.

The PISCES v!rus reconfigures your hard drive(s) to eliminate any artificial boundaries such as partitions, directories and files, and instead unites all software code in one universal string.

” Live Life Like A Computer “

If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and
start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”. Hit “any key” to
continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.

“Help” with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn’t need auto insurance. You’d use your diskette to recover
from a crash.

We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”.

Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on “back”.

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click “update”.

If you don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”.

Being in Love

I’m kind of scared. I’m trying not to be. David probably isn’t scared, not much anyway. I’m not sure how he is doing it. How do you take a big chance on someone? How do you just let them become such a big, important part of your life? How do you love someone? I’m starting to love David.

But, I’ve been here before with these online things. At least three times that come to mind now. One was Dave, the helicopter pilot. He wanted me to move to Oregon. He wanted me to do kinky things to him that I wasn’t really sure about. But we talked a lot. He was the channel owner of the chat channel on IRC. I liked being the main squeeze of the guy in charge. I know that was probably what made him attractive to me at the time. Then, one night the rug began to slip out. I had to drown a few kittens that day, a mercy killing. It was horrible and I came online pretty upset and just wanted him to listen and sympathize. He couldn’t. He just wanted to talk about himself. My needs were pushed aside so he could tell me about his own. That was when I knew this wasn’t going to be the guy I wanted. Later he had a terrible accident in the helicopter, delivering Christmas trees. But, even before that I knew I wanted out. It was just harder not to feel like a bitch when I left. I did though. Yes, he needed someone, but it didn’t matter if it was me or some other female. Anyway, he was never the same after the accident.

There was Sherkhan (Richard) before helicopter Dave. But that ended as friends, good friends. I do miss him and wish him all the best. Last I heard he was with another online friend. They’ve been together awhile now. I wish I hadn’t lost their email addresses. Too much moving and computer death.

There are three more I’ve thought of as I type this: Artistry (Dale), Chris and Lynn my dragon friend. Lynn and I were never romantic. But, I wondered. I loved him in some way, more than just a friend. I don’t know what he felt, he was kind of closed off. A hard person to really know. I did feel love for him but it wasn’t romantic or like brother and sister really. Maybe it was a seed that never sprouted.

Artistry, there’s a story I’ll never know the end to. I was brand new online. I fell madly in love. I thought he felt something. I don’t know really. I think he played games and even if he really did have feelings for me I think the games mattered more to him. He made a sudden departure. It was a crushing defeat for me, for awhile. I lost all those feelings of being in love. I’d never felt that before or since. Not the passion, the way the colours in the world were all brighter and the way I could read a romance novel and really… get it! Artistry betrayed me, lied and then never would tell me what changed. Maybe he never felt anything. But I did. That much I’ve kept.

Chris then, the one that hid himself away. I think of Chris the most of them all. I wrote erotic stories for Chris. I made him my online lover. He was an Englishman living in Hong Kong. When I wrote him an email it was noon my time and midnight his time. But we were friends, real friends. I could tell him anything and I did tell him a lot. I know he cared for me at least as much as I cared for him. But, he couldn’t take that final chance of actually meeting. He was a Scorpio. I’ve come to know how secretive Scorpios are. He just kept to the pattern. But, I’d be glad to talk to Chris again. I would love to know he missed me and our talks and our stories. I don’t need him to love me. That’s passed. But I miss that wonderful, warm friend. He will always be special in my life.

I married Todd. But I don’t include him in the online romances. We were penpals for over 20 years then we met face to face. He kissed me and said there were sparks. But it ended in a divorce a few years later.

Now there is David. He tells me he loves me and I believe what he says. I just find it hard to believe it’s me this is happening to. I’d given up after Todd. But I’m forever an optimist. I tried to meet more men. I answered their brief emails with as much of my whole heart as I could dig up. But each one fell flat. No answering beat, no pulse, no feeling. After a few of those I didn’t even want to try. I wanted to beat men up in general. Those unfeeling clods! How dare they not see me. How dare they talk about the great woman they want to meet and then ignore me when I’m sitting right here! How dare they start something they can’t bother to finish? How dare they strike a match and leave it to burn itself out, unnoticed.

So here I am now and there’s David. I’m afraid it will be some joke of fate. After all this time how can I now find someone that really does want me in spite of everything. It can’t be real. I keep sending him reasons he shouldn’t love me. In case he changes his mind now when it’s not too hard for me to lose him. But he still says he loves me and he’ll wait right here for me. He’s coming here for me. He didn’t even expect me to move there. He’s moving here, uprooting his life and his computer and coming here. There is nothing here but me. How can I live up to that? What if I’m not good enough? Not that I think I’m not. Mostly some of the time. Now and then I feel I’m half of a really great couple, the sort of couple who grow old together and are the envy of all their grandchildren. Now and then it’s so close I can almost taste it. But I’m still alone. It’s not easy to have faith but I’m trying. I’m trying for David cause I think he’s worth it. I am too.

The Friday Plan

We’re having our Christmas dinner/ lunch at work today. It starts at noon and then starts again at 5:00 so everyone (on every shift) can have dinner. Last year it was great, they cooked 5 turkeys. Sometimes it’s nice working for a department store, especially one with it’s own restaurant.

So that’s what I’ll be doing today. First lunch at the store then Farida and I are going to do our Christmas cards. Mine are mostly ready cause I realized most of my addresses are on the computer and since I don’t have a functional printer I wouldn’t be able to take them with me. Likely we’ll be chatting more than working anyway. After that I wanted to do something with Zack. But, as usual, he has some activity after school and all I can really do is chauffeur him there and back. Not much fun for me but it’s something. Funny how life/ fate likes to take you at your word sometimes.

Lastly, the plan is to chat at BackWash. I’m not working till 3:00 in the afternoon on Saturday so I can stay up a little late. Not too late cause I’m working till 11:00 at night most of the week at the store. Really long nights! But it will be over after Christmas, well Boxing Day too. Maybe New Years… but then it will be done with for another year, literally.

After the Blackout

I’m back. The power is still on. We seemed to be the last area to get power back today. Some had it before morning even. But for us it went off around 4 in the afternoon and came back shortly before 4 the next afternoon.

No doubt there are more dramatic and riveting accounts than mine. We were ok. No dead fish in the aquarium (no aquarium here). No washing machine stopped mid-load and left full of mouldering clothes. No freezer full of $1,000 of meat, going bad. I have heard others talking about each of those situations. For me it was not being able to wash or use the computer to communicate. Of course I missed playing games too but mostly I kept thinking of how I’d like to check all this out on the Internet and find out what was happening and when it would be fixed. Here I am now and I’m just doddering around really. Funny how that seems to work.