I'm a Horrible Moody Bitch Today.

How does it work? I go out of my way to be a good friend, a pleasant person in general and yet, I’m always alone at the end of the day. Here I am, alone again. Sitting in a house with ghosts for company. When I need a friend I’m alone. I must have done something really wretched in a past life. I hope I had a hell of a good time doing what ever it was. I’m tired of this life of striving to be good and never having anything good for it all. What is the point to being a good person? At the end of my life I’ll just be alone in a dirt hole. How will it be any different from today, right now. I’m tired of being good to people. Let them all rot. Eventually they will, and what will any of it matter?

There are times, moments, when I feel like I’m on the edge of figuring it all out. Then something comes up and gets in the way. So, I never quite figure it all out. Eventually, I will. I’ll catch up to myself, tap myself on the shoulder and say, “You’ve been doing it all wrong.”

A Tired Day

News flash! I’m tired. 😀 I’m always tired, that’s not news. Some days lots of thing happen but you don’t feel any inspiration to write about them. So, here are the facts. I went out to a Pagan store, chatted and bought a silver pentagram to wear on the chain I bought at Zellers last week. I bought a red jasper stone which she made into a pendant for me too. She did a great job weaving the silver wire around the stone, I love it. The Hedge Witch was the store. I managed to chat and discover someone else who doesn’t believe in the Goddess either. That was a bonus.

Anyway, from there I drove to the movie theatre only I left as it looked closed. Even after going out for lunch there were no cars there and it was late in the day for them to still be closed. After lunch and checking the theatre again I drove across the street to all the new stores being built. There was a Michael’s Craft store so I went in and spent more money. I bought some Christmas craft beading with safety pins kits. I’d like to get into wire beading stuff. Not just beading, any goof any thread beads and tie a knot to keep them from sliding off. The wire stuff looks interesting and not too expensive. The biggest expense would be the copper (or silver) wire itself and the tools (wire cutters and pliers).

I drove home, wished I was in the right lane to hit the Chapters bookstore for the new issue of The Writer magazine. But, I’m working tomorrow and can pop in after work. I came home and Mom wanted to go out for dinner and look at a house in Innisfil which calls itself a town but isn’t even on the map as a town. It seems to be a county. It’s just one more odd map related issue. So we did go out, found the house and Mom is already coming up with reasons why it’s not the right one. I’m sure she will find her right one but (for myself) it would be really nice to know where we are moving to.

Which brings up the whole issue of ‘why am I moving with them’. I don’t especially want to. That wasn’t my intention when I came up here after the divorce. I don’t even want to write more about this tonight. I feel like I’m writing to please you (the anonymous busy body masses) not for myself. You always screw up when you put your reader too far ahead of your own self. At least for a journal.

Well, I’m tired. Seems like I’ve typed that a few thousand times this year alone. Nightie night.

PS- Pat, if you read this before I email you. I got the CD’s yesterday. Thanks. 🙂 I haven’t even started listening to them. Not in the right mood. Can anyone spend a few hours with their Mother and come away feeling sexy? Of course, now I feel guilty for typing that. It’s all a circle.

Black Out 2003

They seem to be calling it that. The only place I’ve had news so far was from the battery operated radio and just now from the AOL site as I logged in. But, I’ve been living it. We just got power back after 24 hours without electricity, water or phones. Everything was gone. I washed my face this morning in water I scooped out of the pool in the backyard. My car is very low on gas but the lines are still very long at the stations so I’m afraid to wait in them and run out while I’m waiting my turn.

It’s been hard doing without flushable toilets, communication and running water. I’ve missed those three things the most.

We still don’t know how long the power will last. It might go off any second and not come on again until Monday. So, this will be a shortish entry. I also, agreed to babysit for my sister tonight and I have to leave soon.

I’m so glad for the pool here today. I went in for a refreshing swim as soon as I came back here from trying to find a bank machine and checking on the rest of the family living around here. We had no radio at the house, no batteries that were working. I heard my radio in the car while driivng or during the time I was at my sister’s house.

Anyway, it’s been interesting. I’ve heard a lot of strories from other people. Some were at a funeral when it went off. Some were on the highway running out of gas. I was fixing a man’s watch at work. I had to fumble around in the dark to find all the pieces and then put them in a little bag so he could take them home. He didn’t want to wait. But, we had no clue the power was off for so many others or for such a great distance. At first we thought it was the fault of construction for the new Home Depot they have been building next door. It was a huge surprise to find out it wasn’t just our store, or our block or our town.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Take care and enjoy the power while you have it.