#DommeGirlProblems 

I was reading @Slutty Girl Problems on Twitter and thought… What about #DommeGirlProblems? So I’m starting with a few ideas to see where it goes.

  • I left him gagged an extra hour while I read a chapter of my book. Shouldn’t I feel guilty? #DommeGirlProblems
  • Man drool on the new shoes I let him buy me! #DommeGirlProblems
  • This time I really did lose the key… can I just pretend I’m faking it again? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I’m too tired to spank him tonight. Why can’t he just spank himself? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I have to go home early… I left my husband in his cage. #DommeGirlProblems
  • People don’t understand, it’s not about sex, it’s about power. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Men ask and beg to serve me then tell me what they want me to do for them. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Coming up with punishment ideas he actually won’t enjoy. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Trying fetishes and kinky ideas to please him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being expected to perform to his schedule because he wants to serve me. #DommeGirlProblems
  • High heels, tight clothes and toys are expensive and not what I really want. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Really cleaning up after his idea of cleaning for his pleasure. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being thought cruel by others and being told I’m not cruel enough by him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Playing along, performing, finishing the scene long after I’ve lost any real interest in what I’m doing. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being told I didn’t do it all like a real FemDom as seen in porn online. #DommeGirlProblems

 

Keeping him Caged

Note: This is an illustration, a fantasy not something actually done. Sure it’s fun to think about doing things like this. But, they work better as a fantasy, or a teasing threat. Don’t leave someone standing, locked up, over night without being awake yourself to check on them.

Slave husband spends all night locked in a genital stock forced to stand next to wife’s bed while she sleeps.

Source: He Suffers While Mistress Sleeps – Femdomonomy

Do People Play BDSM Online to Skip the Aftercare?

I know people who will only play online. They say they are into BDSM but I don’t agree. They are missing two important parts of the whole BDSM relationship. The actual parts which make it a relationship.

Is that why they don’t want to have anything real? If it were real, would that make it too real for them?

So what are they missing, you may be wondering. First, the reality. How does it really feel to experience your fantasies, fetishes and kinks? How does it feel physically, emotionally and mentally. Second, the after care.

BDSM online doesn’t involve aftercare. It’s all over once the climax happens. Each person leaves, some leave even before the end, some leave right after the end and some make excuses (not always polite) and leave.

It’s so easy to leave that way. You don’t have a real connection, just an Internet connection. Nothing like a real relationship where you share the same space emotionally, mentally and physically.

No wonder people doubt the sincerity and authenticity of online play. It really isn’t actually real. Not just the lack of commitment but the lack of real contact at all. Online play lacks real involvement, responsibility and shared emotion. No matter what anyone thinks or feels, it is all one sided.

I know because I have done online play. Not dabbled in it but actually spent months and years playing that way. I defended it then too. But, I knew reality was very different. I had reality with my husband. (No I was not cheating on him, we weren’t married very long and I played before and after).

Online play is lonely.

Online play leaves you wanting more. That only works in show business. Wanting more is not good when it happens to you. It makes you needy, clingy and very sad.

Anyway, it’s a shame there is no aftercare with online play. It could make all the difference to the people involved. But, I think that is the attraction for most of them. Even as they yearn for something real they don’t want to give anything real to someone else. They seek care but want it all for themselves. Is that why there are so many more women as BDSM submissives than Domme online?

So many interesting questions and I’m just here talking to myself. But, it’s real. Until I find someone who can share something real with me I’d rather be alone than feel even more alone while I’m with someone else.

Once a BDSM scene has physically ended, the connection between Dom and sub is still very much active, learn how best to deal with aftercare.

Source: The Importance of Aftercare | bdsm-talk.co.uk

How Did you Decide You’re a Dom?

I wrote the following in a reply to someone on Redditt:

I began exploring BDSM without having a role as sub, switch or Dom. I took time to see how I felt and how I felt about other people who had those roles and what that made of them. I really like to do things my own way, not often the traditional, expected path. I don’t like being expected to follow rules unless they actually do make sense to me.

When I did pick a place, or get told I needed to label myself, I said I was a switch. At the time I did feel that was where I belonged. I even wrote about it, as a BDSM role and not being something that was just middle of the road to leave my options open. I still feel that I can switch, as the situation and my feelings evolve and depending on who I’m with. But, I seldom find a man who makes me feel that other submissive way. It’s easier to stick to Dom and keeps things simpler. Plus, it feels good, right for me.

I was a submissive with my ex-husband but it was always awkward. He wanted to be the Dom and I let him. He didn’t have that masterful way but he wanted to.

On the other hand, when I play submissive online I get asked to change and become Dom with men who call themselves Dom. So, I think there is something about me that feels natural in that role, beyond liking to do things my own way.

Someone wrote that often people who are commanding, in charge and such in their lives are often submissive when it comes to D/s and the opposite for people who are giving and shy – they tend to fall into Dom roles. I’ve found that to be true quite often, not 100% of course.

My Husband Doesn’t Understand Me

Isn’t this pretty much the same reason husbands say they cheat?

But all were clear that they were not leaving their current relationship. These weren’t monkeys getting a grip on the next branch before letting go of the first. They just wanted to feel what they used to feel from the man in their life.

The most common complaint was a lack of passion and effort by the man in their current relationship. It makes sense. When a man begins dating a woman, he puts in tons of effort; he woos her. Once she’s “his,” he stops putting in that effort, but she still longs for it. She wants to be desired, seduced, and connected with on a regular basis. So many men seem to be missing the boat. They start strong, having a decent sense of how to capture a woman at the beginning, but upon entering a relationship they are unprepared for the long haul and investment a successful relationship demands past the dating phase. The situation starts to reek of complacency and satisfaction in mediocrity.

via: I went undercover on Ashley Madison to find out why women cheat.

poiseDo people just need to put more effort into their marriage to get what they both want out of it? Or, did they marry someone for all the wrong reasons and now the sex isn’t enough to sustain a relationship?

I do agree that women are more likely to cheat for emotional reasons than physical reasons.

Another reason – pregnancy and children. But, this could just as well be a reason for single women too. I do know that was the only thing which caused me to ever consider cheating on my husband. (He changed his mind about having children soon after we were married).

I don’t think looking for sex or affection/ romance are good reasons to cheat on a spouse or lover. Not because it’s dishonest (though that is part of it) but because you aren’t likely to find what you are looking for with someone willing to have a temporary, non-committal relationship.

If you just want sex, help the economy and pay for it.

If you want romance try finding it with the one you’re married to before you go screwing around and making things a mess for your spouse and family. How romantic is it going to feel when it all comes crashing down around you?

Nancy Farmer Doll Cards

nancy farmer dollsvia – Nancy Farmer Doll Cards

This would be such a great hobby. I did photograph posed dolls for awhile. I didn’t have miniature BDSM or fetish things to make it work like this.

When you want images to illustrate a blog post about a fetish, a kink or something more general – this would be a great way to create an image. They are eye-catching. I wonder how many people would actually read your post after seeing the image you created for it.

I’d buy a set of Nancy’s cards. I can’t think of anyone to send one to, other than my ex-husband or Gracie. That wouldn’t be much fun though.