men

Welcome to the Day

I’m going to try writing Morning Pages (again). I haven’t looked up the official rules in awhile. I think it was intended to be written long-hand but I’m ignoring that rule. I’m such a rebel that way. This morning I’m too tired for long-hand.

My brother is coming over. So I got up early, even before the alarm clock went off. I scurried around to tidy up. Does anyone else have a brother who is actually tidier than they are? Not that I don’t like things tidy, I just keep putting off the actual doing of the tidying. Anyway, I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, got boots straighted at the door, made coffee, moved a pile of books, and assorted other stuff that keeps sounding pretty lame as I’m writing this list. Why do I now feel tired?

I felt pretty perky when I woke up. I began planning my day. Planning what I would write here. Then I began working, got dressed, stuck my hair out of my face. Now, I’m just waiting for Graham to get here, the men who are coming to photograph the renovations to the basement and the other men (I’m only presuming they are men) who will be picking up the bag of clothing for donations which I also scurried around with this morning.

Do you know how creative you need to be to have an X on a plastic garbage bag? You can’t draw it on with marker. I’ve been there before. I picked cardboard from a piece of junkmail out of the recycling and cut an X out of it. Then I taped it to the bag. Now, I’m not sure if they said to leave the bag at the end of the driveway or not. I don’t want it picked up as garbage. No, it’s not garbage day but there are a lot of people who come along and look through anything put out here. I think they mainly want glass and such which they can get paid for. Still, that bag is out there for a purpose and – I don’t want them phoning me to complain that I had nothing to pick up when I said it would be there.

I have this thing where I feel at fault for everything already. I don’t need more.

Anyway, the man is here to do the photos. My brother is here showing him the basement so I can have my coffee like a good working zombie. Maybe I can have a nap later, if I’m sneaky about it.

Mermaid or Whale

From something forwarded to me in email this morning:

Recently, in a large city in Australia, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.) They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them … where is IT? Therefore, they don’t have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.

P..S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.

With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨

Changing Him

From The Kay Way :

As I spend time with my younger female friends and hear of their relationships, it occurs to me that generation after generation we fall in love with who we think our mates could be rather than the real man who is standing in front of us. What a shame.

My comment: Very well said. In my case I married a man who said he was in love with me. I did change him. He had been agoraphobic but together we built a life where he was out at a job (which he still has and likes) we had our own apartment, I moved to the US so we could be married all legal and proper for the government. I wanted to be married too but it was not a romantic wedding for sure. After we married he kept changing. He began picking on me and alienating me. We had been friends a long time before he decided he was in love with me. When we divorced it was because he no longer wanted to be married, just over a year after the wedding. He is grateful to me for getting him out of his rut. However, I can’t say things turned out that well from my side of things. I moved back to Ontario with nothing and I felt like nothing too.

Sometimes in a comment on someone’s blog you make a post that gives you some new perspective. I like to save those.

My family still think our marriage could have been saved. I don’t. First, it does take two people to make a marriage work. Second, I never felt so alone as I did when I was living in that one bedroom apartment with him every day. I miss being married, doing things with someone and having fun. But, I’m glad to be out of that too. I felt dead inside when I came back to Ontario again. Everything I had felt happy about being married, working together with him on building our lives and all the pride I had in doing all those things was left in ashes.

It would be nice to say I did the phoenix thing and arose from those ashes. But, I have not. Over ten years later and I am still working on it. Time has helped. Distance, in time and space, has given me perspective.

I wouldn’t say I feel bitter or even angry any longer. I don’t think it’s a regret. Though all the good things are deep in the muck of all the unhappy things. It’s hard to remember them without looking through the glass with all the negative tinting the view.

I don’t do the blame thing very much. I made choices and put myself there. I made choices and took myself out of there too.

I’ve learned more about men from those days and the days after. I’m never going to be a dating diva. But, I do know there are far more important things in picking a man than the shape of his behind or a winning smile or even how well he talks about himself. Those are good things to have learned. It’s a shame learning takes so much time when our time is finite.

Cute Little Devil

andrewleepotts

Watching Alice (again). Filmed in Vancouver with a lot of Canadian, US and British actors. Andrew-Lee Potts is one of the Brits. I’ve seen him before in Primeval. Charming smile. He wears a lot of eye make up in Alice, I don’t think he needed that much.

Making Gingerbread Men Tonight

Storybook Gingerbread Men

Ingredients

* 1/2 cup shortening
* 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
* 3 1/4 cups sifted all-purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
* 3/4 cup molasses
* 1/4 cup water

Directions

1. Cream shortening and sugar. Sift flour with salt, soda and spices. Blend flour mixture into creamed mixture alternately with molasses and water. Chill at least 1 hour.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C).
3. Roll dough to 1/4 inch thick. Cut with large 6-8 inch gingerbreadmen cookie cutters. Lift onto lightly greased cookie sheet with broad spatula.
4. Bake above oven center for about 12 minutes or until cookies spring back lightly in center. Do not overcook, they won’t stay soft. Remove from sheets. Cool on wire racks. Makes 10 men 6-8 inches tall.

The batter seemed too dry so I added water. Might be too much now. They are in the fridge, will see how they look in the morning when I get set to roll them out. I have a cookie cutter for gingerbreadmen and a Xmas tree. I plan to use a knife to cut out a pattern for a couple of gingerbread house cookies too.