Smiley Saturday #1

I am looking forward to my first week off work in a very long time. I’ve had weeks and months off but not while actually keeping a job. So this is going to be nice. Plus St. Patrick’s Day is coming. I will treat myself to breakfast out and maybe a jot over to the liquor store for a bottle of that caramel Baileys that was so nice at New Years Eve. I also bought myself a new book. Really new, not just new to me. This one came from the big bookstore. All the pages are new, untouched by human hands. I can’t wait to start the book. It’s the latest from Kelley Armstrong, a Canadian writer.

Smiley Saturday: Post about something that made you smile or might make your readers smile.

Trickery: Another Oldie Post

The Trickery that is Me
Sunday January 06, 2002

I’d like to virtually dissect my brain and find out what’s in there. I’d sort it all out into neat compartments and then carefully put it all back together without juggling it all up again.

I want to write about being a publisher online but I can’t find a beginning or an ending. Its such a long winding path to where I am and its hardly over yet. When I just wanted to be a writer and wasn’t doing much about it I always had that problem. The writing I most want to do is a personal column about life and people, the sort of stuff you would find in Family Circle, Victoria Magazine, or Canadian Living. The problem is that my story is never finished. They kind of expect you to have a happy ending tacked on at the end. at the very least some kind of good conclusion and a resolution to the conflict. Well, I’ve never gotten to that part yet. So how do you write a story about something when it has no ending?

So I’m not writing. Can’t you tell how I’m not writing? Look, its right here in front of you. Plain as black and white and red all over I’m not writing.

Its all a trick you see. The best trick I’ve ever pulled on myself. I’m not writing and yet the words are appearing mystically on the screen and my fingers are tapping away at the keyboard. The thoughts are circling like baby vultures in my mind.

The other great trick I pull on myself is self confidence. I have none you see. But I pretend I do and oddly enough it works. People I knew in high school wonder how I changed so much when I barely dared to breathe in high school. They think I’ve changed but I haven’t changed at all, its all an act, the best trick in my bag of tricks.

This whole not writing thing is just a new trick. I’m not good at it yet that’s why you’re stuck reading all this dribble out of the corner of my brain.

You know, we were driving along on Saturday, my husband and his Mother chatting away, they didn’t need me. I was thinking about that woman I always want to be but can’t quite catch. I’m sure she is there, in my brain somewhere. I was thinking that its time I stopped trying to catch up with her and just met her half way. Surprised me a little when she agreed. So, if I have any highly breakable New Years resolution that’s it. I’m going to meet her half way and finally give her a chance to pull us both out of the quagmire and get on with all the things we know she can do.

Did you know she opened HerCorner finally? Yes, I know it was me, I’m not developing a split personality. Though I have thought about how much simpler it would make things. I’ve also considered a lobotomy. But, I seem to conclude that you just have to learn to live with yourself. Trickery works much better, its all a matter of learning the tricks.

I can write a sensible article about HerCorner and publishing later. I’ve really given you the nitty gritty already. Its all here amid the trickery that is me.

The Friday Plan

We’re having our Christmas dinner/ lunch at work today. It starts at noon and then starts again at 5:00 so everyone (on every shift) can have dinner. Last year it was great, they cooked 5 turkeys. Sometimes it’s nice working for a department store, especially one with it’s own restaurant.

So that’s what I’ll be doing today. First lunch at the store then Farida and I are going to do our Christmas cards. Mine are mostly ready cause I realized most of my addresses are on the computer and since I don’t have a functional printer I wouldn’t be able to take them with me. Likely we’ll be chatting more than working anyway. After that I wanted to do something with Zack. But, as usual, he has some activity after school and all I can really do is chauffeur him there and back. Not much fun for me but it’s something. Funny how life/ fate likes to take you at your word sometimes.

Lastly, the plan is to chat at BackWash. I’m not working till 3:00 in the afternoon on Saturday so I can stay up a little late. Not too late cause I’m working till 11:00 at night most of the week at the store. Really long nights! But it will be over after Christmas, well Boxing Day too. Maybe New Years… but then it will be done with for another year, literally.


12/28/00 1:31 pm

I can’t keep the shortened forms clear in my head, just too much crammed in there I guess. 🙂

Todd and I just got the next round of paperwork from Vermont (VT?). Mostly, its a questionnaire about all my past work as a spy. 😉 Todd is working on filling it all out. Then, he is planning for me to go to Chicago or wherever and deliver it all. Is there an interview then? I really thought I was finished with the solo part of this. But Todd cant really take more time off from work. I feel kind of lost in paperwork. I don’t know what part we are working on now.

Hope you will all be having a nice New Years. If you aren’t married or with your fiance make sure you spend the time with your family well. Later you will have all the time you want with him/ her and only phone calls with your family.

Read more of these old posts – Our Adventures with the Fiancé Visa (2000 – 2002)