On Buzzfeed No One Lives After 49

Maybe Buzzfeed is only for people under the age of 50. Does it blow up or something? I guess I will never know the last thing I Googled. Maybe I don’t know how to use a computer. Possibly I’m living in a society where the cut off is 50. (A little more generous than the 30 from Logan’s Run). I’d thank someone if I could be sure I’m not too old to remember their name.

This quiz has hacked your Google search results (OK, technically not true).

Source: Can We Guess The Last Thing You Googled Based On Your Age

buzz1 buzz2 buzz3

That’s it. After 49 the numbers stopped. I’m 50. Later I will be 51, still alive. At least that’s my plan.

Prompt for December 1 | Project Reverb

At the start: Where did you start 2013?  Give us some background on this year.

via Prompt for December 1 | Project Reverb.

I’m pretty sure I was here for New Year’s Eve last year. Alone, but ok with being alone.

Being alone isn’t a curse. It’s nice to have the quiet and make your own decisions about what you’re going to do each day and how you want to do it.

I seem to be finishing 2013 almost identically to 2012. I’m in a stalemate with myself.

When Wax Attacks

I don’t know where this came from originally. I wish I did. I’d gladly link back. My Mom posted it on Facebook, that’s how I found it.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ‘Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those ‘cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (‘Cold wax,’ yeah…right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north after checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) ..

I inhale deeply and brace myself…RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!….OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe…OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There’s no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not! I touch. .. I am touching wax!!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!’
What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter ‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!’

There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, ‘Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?’

She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and … OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don’t care.
‘IT WORKS!!

It works!!’ I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair…?

THE HAIR IS STILL HERE…….ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I’m going to try hair color……

Now share this one and give your friends a good laugh!

Zack Found Baby Birds

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Zack wrote:

Hey, so I’m Zack. Here’s the pictures you were looking for. The last one is a picture of the setup I have going for them. The lamp I was told would keep them warm, and I have a warm water bottle in there beside them. At night I turn the lamp off, and put a blanket over the cage so that they stay warm but it’s dark. I have them in my room, so nobody bothers them. Also, I heard you tell my mom not to give them water, but I’ve been giving them a little bit out of a straw 3 times a day. They seem to like it ok, as they are drinking it up.

Does Zazzle Think Violence Against Women is Funny?

Is this funny? At Zazzle they seem to think this is funny. It’s also rated G, violence against women is funny and ok for children to see – as long as it’s about fat women.

I reported this as a violation on the site. They don’t seem to have a problem with gender, racial and other sort of aggression on the site – but that does not mean it should be rated for a G (general) audience, children included. It isn’t worth much but at least it doesn’t condone it as acceptable.

Will Zazzle do anything… I doubt it. I’m pretty sure this will still be up, unchanged for a long time. It’s ok to hate fat women as long as they aren’t lesbians, black, etc. Ironic that all sorts of women and men can be fat. Get your harpoons, your baseball bats and see how many you get.

Zazzle hates women

Tired of the Shoe Thing

I’m tired of the over-used thing about women and shoes. I don’t care much about shoes. I have a pair for summer and a pair for winter. When one wears out I buy more. I don’t drop everything for a shoe sale. I don’t think shoe shopping is a great way to spend an afternoon. Seems there has been a thing in the media about how much women love shoes.

I think it began with Caroline in the City (or whatever that show was called) where her men friends created a cartoon about women never having enough shoes. OK, ha ha ha. It didn’t make sense to me cause I don’t know any women like that. But, sure, I’ll go along with it.

Since then I keep seeing more of the shoe thing. It seems to be growing and gaining momentum. Enough already. Not all women have a shoe fetish. I expect it’s only a very few in fact.