Damn Moody Bastards in General

I wrote a bit of sarcastic (mostly) blabberation for the BackWash Feminists in Makeup community.


Overlook the fact that I’m not as cute as GK. You’re stuck with me this time. Yes, the backseat driver is taking over. Suffer the poor reader.

As usual, I come with no point in mind. If you’ve ever read my column you’re probably used to that by now.

What’s on my mind as I type this is ‘poor bastard’ and ‘moody bastard’ just bastard in general. Have you found yourself referring to one or more men in your life as a bastard? I have. It’s kind of amazing how much better saying one word can make you feel. Don’t believe me? Try it.

Think of the one you love, yeah, that guy. Now call him a bastard. (Not to his face or in his hearing, that just takes all the fun out of it when he gets all peeved and you have to listen to the bastard bitch about you for an hour. What a mood killer, eh?). You can even pick a subspecies of bastard. My personal favourite is moody bastard, but to each her own.

The trick is that you have to say it out loud. No whispered or thought only bastard allowed. It doesn’t work if you hide it. Go ahead, say it a few times. Give it a flourish!

It really does work. Of course, it doesn’t change anything, he’s still a bastard. But, it does make you feel like you’re giving the bastard a little of his own bastardy back.

Damn bastard!

The End

The End

It’s been awhile since I updated this page. There’s not going to be any happy ending to the story for those that like to read ‘Once upon a time’ type things. Todd decided he wants a divorce and since you can’t really have a marriage by yourself I agreed.

Anyway, as far as I know we have heard nothing from the INS about our final (greencard) interview. I’m not staying in the US, I want to go home. I need to start my life all over again, move all over again and figure out a lot of personal stuff. My family are angry about the whole situation. Sometimes I’m angry, most of the time I guess I’m just depressed, sort of empty and drained.

Good luck to the other Canadians going through this. I was going to just take my page down but it might be good for everyone to know it’s not a fairy tale at the end of the rainbow. You might just step into a pile of something you need to scrape off your shoe.

Read more of these old posts – Our Adventures with the Fiancé Visa (2000 – 2002)

THE Interview

THE Interview
12/7/00 11:08 pm

It went ok. Everyone seems to say they are there until 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I was out before noon, with the visa. Maybe they have changed the process. I had the interview and he said it would be an hour while they added the visa to my passport, it wasn’t. We were out of there in record time. 🙂

I went with my Mom. We stayed at the TravelLodge. It was small in a cute way but there were cobwebs on the ceiling, the shower curtain was useless and the first room was mildewy. We changed to a second room without the mildew, still cobwebs. But the room was cute. Two little twin beds, one counter and the TV hovering over us on the opposite wall. A very small room but cosy. I liked it.

There was a free breakfast, it didn’t start until 7:00am. We went for it. Didn’t get to the consulate until near or a bit after 8:30. Here is a hint for those still going to Montreal. Its actually a side door on St. Alexander Street. You can get free parking behind the building if you ignore the french signs telling you its reserved for something or other. We didn’t have a clue what they said. But we didn’t get towed or have a ticket. 🙂

The security ladies checked our purses. I had already emptied mine of everything but the essentials. This made things easier. We removed our coats and those were checked too. Don’t keep anything embarrassing in your purse/ wallet. After they are scanned they go through them physically too.

After that she gave me a number (18) and we went up a flight of stairs and came to a room where people were in line. The elevator to the ninteenth floor was past the lineup. I wondered if this was where we paid the US$. But we passed it by and took the elevator. It was the right choice. Everything is up on the 19th floor, including the cashier. When the elevator gets to 19 (there is only 19 and 22, no other choices but down) you turn around and get out. Sit in the area for immigrant visas and wait for your number to be called. You will hear your number where ever you sit but you might meet someone to chat with if you are in the right section.

The place is beige on beige. For some reason I was expecting new looking blue padded chairs. I don’t know where I latched onto this idea but its stuck with me all along. 🙂

Anyway, you will see windows 7 to 13 I think. I know it starts at 7. That is where you will be called to hand in your paperwork. First you are called there. You hand in your number and the letter from the consulate giving you the appointment date and time. Once he has that you are sent to the cashier. You get a receipt and go right back to the window. He looks over everything and tells you what is missing. I had only one copy filled out of the little form so I filled out a second one at the window while he sorted through the other papers and asked me how I met Todd. He asked a couple of other questions like what Todd does, how much money I make as a freelance writer. I had forgotten to sign my passport so I did that. Then I wrote my passport number and the dates on the small forms. I hadn’t done that before. Anyway, that was pretty much just making sure I had all the papers. Although he made me nervous I covered it by getting chatty. Told him about the Yahoo Club here. He was interested. So we started talking about how much I know ahead and what I might be wrong about.

The main thing I was wrong about was the time it took. I said I would have the interview and be told to come back after 2:00 to pick up the visa. He said I would be out of there by 11:00 and I nearly was. 🙂

After giving him all the paperwork. The only other thing I hadn’t done was to get a copy of my long for birth certificate. He mentioned that a lot of people don’t bring the long form birth certificate and it was good that I had. He was quite nice once we got chatting a bit. Not quite so intimidating.

Then it was a wait for them to call my name. Not a very long wait. I watched other people ahead of me being called. But the order doesn’t stick to when you were up there with your number. Some people who had a number ahead of me never got called for the interview by the time I left.

Not a very long wait and then my name was called for Room B. I went in and there was a tall guy in a white uniform shirt. He looked like Canada Customs but aren’t they supposed to be American? I guess they just have the same look. 🙂 He was very nice, as everyone seems to say. I yacked so much he hardly asked me anything after “How did you and Todd meet?” I told him about meeting Todd when we were penpals at 14 years of age. Then I went into our face to face encounters and the personal triumphs we have made together. He said I have had a good influence on Todd’s life and he was granting the visa. I said thank you and asked a couple of questions. I wanted to know about crossing the border, if there would be trouble after the bad time I had before. He said it should be no problem as I was now crossing with the visa. A whole different situation. Before I needed to show I was coming back, now I need to show I don’t plan on coming back.

I also asked about other places to get the green card. I had found a local SSN office and asked if we could do the green card there. He said no. They are different departments. But he said we didn’t need to go to Chicago. The green card department is federal and not by state. So you don’t have to go to an office in the same state you will be living in. This was great news as St Louis is 2 hours away and Chicago is five or more hours away. We might not even need to make an overnight trip. But, Todd read a site which says we do have to go to Chicago so we are not ahead in this question. 🙂 The immigration interviewer did tell me the best place to find out was when I crossed the border and talked to the Immigration people there. They could tell me where I need to get the card. So, thats the plan now.

There isn’t much left to tell now. After the interview he said it would be an hour for them to put the visa in my passport. I was called up in about 20 minutes. My passport was returned folded to the visa page with THE sealed envelope inside. There is a big note about not opening this. The lady at the counter also made sure I knew and that I checked the visa before I left. Being me I gave it a cursory look before smiling to my Mom and getting the heck out of there! lol

We went for a lunch at a Chinese buffet in a small town outside of Montreal. Actually, Montreal was nice this time. Usually we leave there fuming at Montrealers and french speaking people in general. This is the first time in a very long time that we came away thinking well of Montreal and french speaking people in general.

Now the plan is to leave early on Saturday morning and cross the border at the Windsor tunnel. I’m nervous about that after my last experience there. This time I am hiding my diary somewhere. Likely I will keep it in my purse and just hang onto it if they want to check my purse. Its taken me to just this week to feel like writing in it again. 🙁

Anyway, things with the visa were ok. My picture in the visa is another thing altogether. lol

Good night and Todd said to tell you all he is a good guy, a hard worker and a loyal companion. Of course, he is all those things and more. Why else would I leave everything and everyone I care about pack up some furniture, books and etc and live down there in the last country I ever thought I would be living in. 😉

Read more of these old posts – Our Adventures with the Fiancé Visa (2000 – 2002)

Night Before Rant Part 2

Night Before Rant Part 2
12/4/00 2:23 am

*sigh* If I can just live through this week I will be officially married next week. One week from now I will be on the other side of the border trying to force, coerce and whatever else it takes to get Todd to go to the doctors for a check up. Really, its only fair. He doesnt want to go and is trying to put it off till after the honeymoon. Meanwhile I have been governmentally inspected, physically and personally. Its his turn, dammit! 🙂

(A great deal of personal rant editted out.)

I’d love to hear about where there were any problems crossing the border. I can not stand the thought of another of those people reading my personal and private diary again. The fact that he used trickery to steal it and photocopy it and use it against me still just makes me want to reach out and slap him. Somehow I don’t think I will be all calm and collected at the border crossing. 🙂

I will post how things went for both next week when I only have wedding madness to contend with. Todd and I plan to be married on the 14th of December. My brother is driving me down the evening of the day I get back from Montreal. Currently they have decided not to bring down my stuff which is just making me insane. Well, more insane.

I’ve thought about making a K-1 page but I can tell it will have to wait till I am sane again. Or at least when they decide its safe to let me out of the insanitorium. Besides I would be far too cynical and down and dirty bitchy about the whole thing. I think it will take me a few months to adapt and realize I’m allowed (expected) to live a normal life again.

I do have one small piece of advice for anyone just starting out. Don’t give up your day job!!! As much as you possibly can keep your life normal and plodding along as if you werent getting married and cutting through paperwork with a blunt paperclip. If I had found something part time and not left nearly everything I own down there with Todd I would be much saner now. Having everything on hold for eight months is what is really making this so unbelivably frustrating for me.

Well, nearly over now. Its just after 2:00am on December, 4th. I have the interview on December 6th at 8:30 am. At the very least I will be glad not to have the nightmare where I lose all my hair and teeth (gruesomely) from stress. I look much nicer without the bloody stumps and tufts of hair. 🙁

End of rant. I need to get a shower and cook myself until I start to feel sleepy.

Night all.

Read more of these old posts – Our Adventures with the Fiancé Visa (2000 – 2002)

Between Checklist and Interview

Between Checklist and Interview
11/2/00 10:45 pm

How long does it seem to take before you get the notice about the interview and do they schedule them right away or is this going to be another 4 or so months of waiting?

I just got back Todd’s financial stuff so I am all ready to send in the checklist. Just need to get the RCMP report and that other picture. Both of those can be done in one day.

Do they take fingerprints at the RCMP? It does bother me that we are treated like criminals. Well, a lot bothers me. Like having to let them read a lot of my personal mail to Todd. I didn’t write anything for a middleman, eavesdropper and etc.


Read more of these old posts – Our Adventures with the Fiancé Visa (2000 – 2002)