I drew this snowglobe for my nieces over the holidays.
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Snow Globe Toy & MySpace Layouts at pYzam.com
Some days living in a controlled environment wouldn’t be all bad. Not having to make decisions. Not having to be responsible for anything. And yet… I couldn’t stand it. Not every day, every week, each month, year and forever. Just that it would be nice at times, when there are too many things to be responsible for and decisions that aren’t so easy to make, when there are too many things spinning out, far beyond our control.
The car thing is dragging me down. Like a sucking wound on my life. I feel trapped by it. I feel trapped in this house, except for the acceptable expense of going to work and back cause of course you can’t just live at work. Even though that would be simpler on some levels.
I like for things to be simple. I hate things like paperwork, seems so useless and full of really stupid complications. I’m sure car buying can’t just be as simple as paying for the car and getting insurance and the plates. I’m sure the government has managed to tack on endless aggravations. So, that keeps me from really just buying something myself and getting rid of all this frustration.
I can’t though, not enough cash and that is yet another complication. Today Graham came out here and said he doesn’t like any of the cars he has looked at, mostly he doesn’t like the people who are selling them. He said I could use the old Camry for the road test. So at least that is one thing. Still, I am just sick of the bus and taxi to and from work. The expense and the cold outside waiting for the bus. It would be so much simpler with a car.
So much more freedom too. I could drive to the grocery store. Get the salt for the sidewalk on the steps in front of the house. Get out to look at some more abandoned places and get more photos. I am so stuck here, in this snowglobe. I need to break out.
Instead of getting to bed the way I should be after getting home after midnight from work… I am downloading wallpaper ( ). I am taking personality quizes about blogging, see the post below. I am eating Hershey’s kisses candy cane flavour (which I could not find mentioned on their website even though they are very good). I am sort of fiddling with my website – the really, really, really neglected one. ‘m using Kompozer to do it. What little I’m actually doing.
In short, I’m not doing anything but I am getting fresher breath through the gobbling up of many candy cane kisses.
Wouldn’t it be kind of funny if we lived in a big bottle? Here we are on this big blue and green planet, in this sparkling solar system, tucked away in what we consider a universe which has no beginning and no ending. But, how funny it would be if we were totally wrong. Maybe, in reality, we are just part of some kid’s snowglobe or some message in a bottle which some castaway threw off the beach hoping it would wash ashore and be found. What if all we really are is some common form of bacteria on a dingy piece of paper folded up inside a bottle slowing sinking into an enormous ocean in space?
How would that change your life?
Why should it. Does it matter if we are nothing but a speck of junk in someone’s snowglobe or bottle.
Sometimes I just get these odd thoughts. As if I want to know more than I can ever know. As a kid I wanted to have all knowledge and thought it was really unfair when my Mother explained I could never know everything. For a day or two I decided I would break the rules on that and be the first person to know everything. I made a few lists of things I would have to learn. As my lists grew too long and I kept adding more details and topics I began to understand that I could never know everything, I just didn’t have enough time to do it all. Not that I couldn’t learn as much as I could. I have the space for rent upstairs in my brain. It’s not the amount of knowledge, it’s the time it would take to absorb it.
So, I abandoned that lofty goal. It never left my mind though. I still cross points of my list when I learn something new. Even if it’s impossible to know it all I will at least know a lot.
Have you ever filled out one of those online profiles for some community or dating site and felt you just didn’t have enough to say about yourself when it came to writing down your interests? I used to keep a list handy on my desktop, in a file. Just cause I didn’t want to feel that way; or forget any of the things I wanted to include. I like being a person with many interests. Each one is like a Brownie badge for things I have learned.
I wonder about people who fill their interests with TV shows and little else. Doesn’t that seem just a bit shallow? Surely, they have other interests but just don’t consider them interesting enough. I hope that is the case. It does seem sad if people, having evolved so far in their evolution, have now fallen flat and stopped doing new things, choosing to plaster themselves in front of a TV and wait to be entertained. There should be so many other things which interest people. Not watching or waiting, but doing. Creating is a good way to go. If people can create something, whether it’s a good photograph or a good dinner, that’s something they can do at least. Not everyone can be a Leonardo Devinci, Picaso or Einstein. It’s not necessary for everyone to be famous. Just to be mentally active and alive in the world.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written a rambling monologue. Good for putting people to sleep or giving their birds something to read.
I tried to perform surgery on my finger today it seems. I dug leeks out of the garden then cut my finger a little deeply while I was cutting the tops and roots from the leeks. It’s not still bleeding but I can see pink stuff under the dirt still stuck in there. Nice to know I’m still pink inside. Sometimes I feel so old and creaky and worn in. Not worn out, that’s a different kind of worn. I’m just worn in, like a pair of shoes that have finally stopped rubbing your feet the wrong way.