Don’t Blame the Findoms

Stop blaming sex workers for the sale of sex.

Sex sells because there are an endless supply of buyers. Sex buyers create and customize the market. Sex workers become what sex buyers want.

Do not blame findoms (financial domination professional FemDoms) for taking money, accepting gifts and demanding more. The supply of men (I’ve yet to see a woman on the buying side) looking for financial domination is there. The professional sex workers cater to the demand for it.

Attacking or blaming sex workers is not changing or helping men to change.

Why do men want financial domination? How did this fetish grow so much and so easily? Do you really believe the supply was there before the demand? No, the supply grew to meet the demand. If you want to stop financial domination work at the source, the demand for it. This is why my first question is, why is there a demand for it? I don’t really understand either.

Do men need to feel vulnerable? Is this an exchange of power in order to create vulnerability for the men?

This all leads to so many other questions, for me. Why are men looking for this kind of “forced” vulnerability? (Force in quotes because it is not really enforced, the buyer is in control and the force is not real. This is a transaction controlled by the holder of the credit card).

Are these men looking to be martyrs? I think they want to feel abused or taken advantage of and then expect sympathy. The big, bad findom is hurting the poor, little man. Except he can end the call, put away the credit card and stop the transaction – at will.

But he doesn’t.

Miss Bonnie’s Favourite Quotes

The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom.
– Joseph Bean

Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.
– Waiter Rant

Source: {About MissBonnie}

I especially like the first quote. Crafty, yet consensual, seduction is very sexy.

Both quotes are about consent and the thin line before crossing it. I think this is what makes so much difficulty for people. There is an element of seduction, teasing and pushing at what was a firm no versus a soft no.

Another element of consent which is sometimes thrown to the dogs is the consent of others – not involved but on the sidelines. Anything in public, even kissing and cuddling assumes the consent of the public. But, consent isn’t something which should be assumed. So… public play is not to be taken lightly or without consideration.

Anyway, seduction, teasing and contrariness are great fun for the Domme.

Outdoor Sport for Dommes

condom

This could be fun.

Summer is coming. You could always fill these with water and have some kind of outdoor fun with a naked submissive man. What are the penalties if he breaks the condom? What are the rules about how fast he’s allowed to move to avoid the condom?

Have fun. Nice of Condomania to pick a dozen pretty colours.

Condonmania offers a sampler of flavoured condoms.

Not only are the flavors and scents great, the condoms are brightly colored to match. This sampler includes flavors: apple, banana, chocolate, cherry, cola, grape, mint, orange, vanilla and strawberry, mint chocolate, fresh mint, island punch, strawberry chocolate, bubblegum, and banana split.

Not your Angel – The Celebutaunt

People ask (or think and don’t ask) what kind of person becomes a FemDom? What people don’t know may hurt them.

There are more types of FemDoms (Dommes, Mistresses, Female Dominants, etc.) than there are titles for. Each woman can have her own style, her own agenda and her own way to feel about what she does.

I’m asking some Dommes (my preferred word) about their style of dominating. First … Not your Angel.

Not your Angel aka Trailer Trash Angel – Q and A

what-it-takes-Twitter-125

 

 

What kind of Domme are you, what do you call your style of Domming?

I am simply a naturally superior female, leading & educating men regarding their low status via humiliation, rejection, domination, pain — and good old cash.

Since I am naturally superior, it’s simple for Me. However, it can be quite complicated and uncomfortable for the little pigs.

How do you dress or behave to suit your style of Domming?trailer-trash-angel-Leopard-Twitter

I wear what I want, when I want. I could wear baggy sweats and still make the boys sweat — but often I wear skimpy southern things that accentuate My body, My gypsy spirit. And, sure, that’s often what amplifies loser fantasies too.

What are the men/ clients like who suit your style?

The men who are aware that they are inferior — not only to Me, but to all women — are generally the pigs that follow Me & My instructions.

What helps you to feel the mood, scene or situation when Domming?

Eager, willing, and honest submission puts Me in the mood. I don’t tolerate poser-pigs who think this is all some sort of game where they can pretend to be a slave or whatever, yet do not truly submit. If they won’t do any of the work, if they try to run scams to avoid paying My fees, if they don’t follow My rules, I am incredibly turned off. And that sort of stink will stick to those pigs for a long, LONG time.

I do push limits, so I can accept and understand some resistance from time to time, from task to task. But I do not educate, instruct, inflict, or in any way play for free.

I do not tolerate posers. I banish and block them without a second thought.

How did you become a Dom?

Let’s see… I started out as a Brat, matured into to a Gold Digger, and found Myself graduating to the next levels of Femdom & Findom. It was simply a natural progression for Me. (Longer version of the story here.)

Which title: FemDom, Domme, Mistress, Madame, or another do you prefer?

I prefer the term The Celebutaunt – one part celebrity, one part taunt. But that’s often too sophisticated for these men who prefer the typical “Mistress” or “Goddess” titles. *weary eyeball rolls*

Is Domming professional only or do you also Dom in your personal relationships?

I am naturally dominant & know My value, so yeah, I Domme everywhere.

Every.

Where.

Why Don’t More Women Dom Men?

CaptureI think there would be far more women as BDSM Dominants if women understood what it really is. The male version is just a fantasy, their fantasy. The porn version is fiction, created for men who like the fantasy. So, women don’t really see what Domming is, just the FemDom fiction.

A woman who likes to Dom is not mean, vicious or nasty. It’s not about causing harm or taking out your frustrations. It’s about power, fun, creativity, romance and sensuality, among other things. I like to focus on the creativity and sensuality. (That makes it fun for me).

How many women would love to have control of their man if they really did have control? Tell him what you want, how you want it and when you want it… and he obeys. It works for the men who are submissive too.

There is no guarantee of sex with BDSM. Sex isn’t used as a reward or punishment. In Dominance and submission he doesn’t obey in order to get sex. He doesn’t obey because you command him, like a drill sergeant. He doesn’t obey because you’re wearing tight black leather and high heels. It’s not about worshipping women either, though some like to add that in. He obeys because he wants to, this is what he wants. He wants to obey. He wants to be a good boy. He wants to be happy, with you.

Have you ever told a man he’s a “good boy”? Watch his face. Those are powerful words. As a Dominant woman you can get a lot of mileage out of “good boy”. Play with it sometime. You don’t have to try anything else, just slip a “good boy” into the conversation. You can say it softly, romantically, sensually. Or, say it with power, energy and a little forcefulness.

Subtle, Simple Ways for Women to Dip into Domination

  • Hold his hand. Take his hand as you cross the street. Lead him by the hand and walk in front of him.
  • Order for him. You don’t need to order him around. Try ordering for him at a restaurant before he lets the server know what he wants.
  • Dress him. Tell him what you want him to wear next time you go out together. Pick out clothes that look good on him and tell him so if he objects.
  • Kiss him first. Pick a moment when it won’t lead to anything else. Just a quick, impulsive kiss, or a fondle, caress, tickle…
  • Ask him to touch you and tell him how to do it right (as you want to be touched). Anything from rubbing your shoulders, warming your hands, or stroking your back. It’s up to you.
  • Accept thanks and compliments from him. Don’t be modest or turn away positive comments. Reward him with a smile instead and thank him too.

None of these things are Earth shattering. But, you can get a feeling for being in power in your relationship. You can see how fun it is and start to want more. Also, as you take charge you begin to ask for more, expect more and then it’s just a step farther to telling him you’re going to try something new… like blindfolding him or not letting him touch you with his hands while you have your own way with him.

For women who really enjoy Domination it’s not about wearing tight costumes, carrying a whip or being a bitch. Those can be elements of it, if that’s what you actually want. But, BDSM can be all about sensuality and pleasure. As a Dominant woman you just do it YOUR way. The hard part is sticking to doing it your way and not letting things slip into giving him what he wants while you wait for it to be over. There is nothing so dull and boring as being a McDomme, a woman doing what he wants, his way and wishing you had brought along a good book for yourself.

Slavery Bracelet Rules

Use this to make your own rules, if you like the idea of a slavery bracelet for your man.

slavebracelethowto

The bracelet rules for the male:

  1. Once it’s on your wrist, you are not allowed to take it off. And there are no exceptions. She is in charge now, and she is the only one who can take it off.

If you’ll take it off, it means you broke a contract you had with her, and she can decide on the punishment, and in addition she can claim your slavery for a double period of time.

  1. As long as it’s on his wrist, you are her slave, and she is your owner. The status of your relationship or marriage has changed, and it will stay like this until she removes the bracelet.
  1. At the moment, you are wearing the bracelet, you must bow down to the floor and kiss her feet/shoes until she decides it’s enough. By doing it, you admit that the status has change, and you are under her control.
  1. During the time the bracelet is on you, you are obligated to accept her punishments. Once she calls you for punishment you cannot refuse. She is allowed to use the whip or leather belt to punish you as much as she wants.

Rules for the goddess:

  1. You, and only you have the right to take the bracelet off and release him.
  2. Before you put the bracelet, make sure that you are both know how long will be the period.

In case you both did not discuss how long he will be under your control, and for some reason the bracelet is on. The time will be the same as the last period.

 

  1. If you decide that it will be for 14 days. You should release him after 14 days and don’t try to use your power to extend the time since he cannot take off the bracelet by himself, and he is depended on you to be released.
  1. You cannot extend the period as punishment. If he was not obedient, punish him as much as you like. But do not extend the period because of it
  1. You can extend the period only on one exception. If he missed a day, for some reason, you entitle to extend it in two days for every one day he missed.

For example: you both decided on 21 days.   During the period, he needed to stay at work later one day, and he was sick and could not serve you for two days.  He missed three days total and as compensation you have the right to extend the period in six days (two days for every day he missed). There will be no argument about it from his side.

Make sure to force these rules. He must respect these rules and the sacredness of the slavery bracelet.

Source: Goddess Tip : The slavery bracelet

Image source: Instructables – with instructions for making a simple slave bracelet.

Real FemDom Ideas To Dominate Your Man With

The link below offers a fairly traditional list of FemDom fetishes and kinks. I read the list and then thought: I don’t actually want most of that. Or, if I do, it’s not really all that interesting after a short time. Not for me, individually, personally.

Women as Doms are pushed to perform for male submissives. Stop and think… What do you actually want?


Foot worship… slobber on your feet and foot wear. How attractive is that? Get him to pamper your feet in practical ways: manicures, leg waxing and massage. Change foot worship into foot service and reap the rewards!

Chastity… really means chastity for both of you. Would you prefer having him make love to you – the way you want him to? Yes, you can have him perform and give you an orgasm but is that really enough for you? Chastity works better as a tease than a reality. Long periods of time spent in chastity are usually just in stories, not fact.

Sissy play… Do you really like seeing him feminized? How does that make you feel about being a woman yourself? I don’t like sissy play. Not because I don’t like the torment of putting him into high heels, a frilly pair of panties, etc. But, I feel there is an aspect of sissy play which minimalizes women and being a woman.

Spanking… play, punishment, pleasure…? Do you enjoy giving a spanking? Do you like the exercise you get from it? By the end of the spanking do you have bruises too?

Bondage and teasing I do like. But, I make sure I’m doing both my way. I make sure I’m enjoying teasing him and I prefer mental bondage to the risk of tools and gadgets which are really physical objects to symbolize the actual control and power. Physical bondage works when I want to see him struggle and squirm and he likes being able to do so.

Roleplay… I do enjoy adding flavour with roleplay. But, how do you feel about it yourself? Does some of it feel silly, over done? Do you enjoy it or is it a performance and you’re glad when it’s over and you can be yourself again?

Learn how domination can boost your confidence and bring you closer to your man with these sexy femdom ideas that you can cater to your interests!

Source: 10 Femdom Ideas To Dominate Your Man With

#DommeGirlProblems 

I was reading @Slutty Girl Problems on Twitter and thought… What about #DommeGirlProblems? So I’m starting with a few ideas to see where it goes.

  • I left him gagged an extra hour while I read a chapter of my book. Shouldn’t I feel guilty? #DommeGirlProblems
  • Man drool on the new shoes I let him buy me! #DommeGirlProblems
  • This time I really did lose the key… can I just pretend I’m faking it again? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I’m too tired to spank him tonight. Why can’t he just spank himself? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I have to go home early… I left my husband in his cage. #DommeGirlProblems
  • People don’t understand, it’s not about sex, it’s about power. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Men ask and beg to serve me then tell me what they want me to do for them. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Coming up with punishment ideas he actually won’t enjoy. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Trying fetishes and kinky ideas to please him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being expected to perform to his schedule because he wants to serve me. #DommeGirlProblems
  • High heels, tight clothes and toys are expensive and not what I really want. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Really cleaning up after his idea of cleaning for his pleasure. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being thought cruel by others and being told I’m not cruel enough by him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Playing along, performing, finishing the scene long after I’ve lost any real interest in what I’m doing. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being told I didn’t do it all like a real FemDom as seen in porn online. #DommeGirlProblems

 

Dommes Can be Sexy Too

Old is New Again

6. Be a Force To Be Reckoned With

Have you ever noticed how men find you sexy when you’re a little angry, annoyed or pissed off? Or when you’re making a very clear point and cleverly putting them in their place without putting them down? This tactic is to be used with absolute caution. No point sparking and argument for the sake of it but well worth taking note of and using to your advantage when your man is in need of a little disciplining.

Source: How To Be Sexy – Tap In To Your Inner Sex Appeal With these Tips

Enjoying A Chained Man

I don’t post enough stuff that shows dominant women, because I don’t see very much that seems authentic (in a narrow sense I just now made up where “authentic” means something like “she’s enjoying the situation on her own terms, rather than playing a role to cater to his fantasies”.)

Source: Enjoying A Chained Man – ErosBlog: The Sex Blog

I agree. There aren’t many authentic image of Dom women.

Even fewer which show emotion between the men and the women or – just a man in bondage for a woman but without her on the sidelines (as if watching a performance rather than really being a part of it).