Divorce Aftermath

When I started this site I was thinking less of sex and BDSM and far more about myself, recovering from divorcing the man who had become my best friend (long before we were married). I wrote an introduction to the site and left everything there as far as talking about divorce. But, I think, people need to talk about it more and share their own experiences as they pull themselves along in life.

As an update, I’m now older and wiser, all of 50 years of living. The divorce was over ten years ago, coming up to 15 years since I last spent time with my ex-husband in the same physical space and time. But, we talk online. Kind of ironic because we met as penpals, writing letters back and forth through the mail before the Internet evolved. I guess we are back to that, older and wiser and still connected in that way.

When Little Robots Attack

The first time I just hurt my foot when I stepped on one of the toy soldiers. I didn’t know how it had gotten into my room. Of course, I blamed my little brother. He had all the toys, especially miniature toy soldiers, robots and little green aliens. Some of them were cute. But, when I actually looked at the faces… they were threatening.

One morning I found one of the mini robots on my dresser and another on the floor below. My brother said he hadn’t been in my room and I kind of believed him. He’s a pretty good kid, for a little brother. I’m 9 years older so he doesn’t get away with much.

Anyway, I didn’t really think a lot about the little toys. I returned them to my brother and went on with life. I had a lot to do now, high school, friends and boys now that my parents were not treating me so much like a kid.

The night I found one in my bed… that was freaky. The sheets were still all pulled up, the bed wasn’t even rumpled. My brother couldn’t have done that. But, what could I tell anyone? I’d sound crazy. That was the week I was going to have the house to myself. I didn’t even have to babysit my brother because they were driving him out for some school weekend thing and staying over night to bring him home on Sunday.

I had friends over on Friday night. We made popcorn, watched movies my parents wouldn’t approve of. I don’t know why, they were pretty awful movies. After a few minutes we just kept laughing at how stupid they were.

Everyone went home. I went to bed, after cleaning up, of course.

I woke up, nude in my bed, my sheets and blankets pulled down past my feet. Little toy robots, aliens and soldier seemed to fill my room. Lined up along the top of my dressed, my night table and every other surface. I could see them on my book shelves, my computer desk. They were behind me on my headboard when I sat up.

I could see them, moving.

I dashed into the hall and locked myself in the bathroom. I would have called for my parents but I remembered I was alone. I don’t know what happened to my night gown. I didn’t want to call for help and have someone find me naked.

Then the first of the mini men started coming in, under the door.

A kinky fetish dictionary of taboo terms 

AAblutophilia: A fetish for baths or showers that usually centers around a naked person lathering themselves up.ABR: “Adult breast feeding.”Acomoclitic: A fetish for hairless genitals. Similar to: gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia.Acrophilia: A fetish for having sex in high places.Acrotomophilia: A fetish for amputees and shortened limbs.Acucullophilia: A fetish for circumcised men.Acousticophilia: A fetish involving sounds. This can include such things as being aroused by music or a partner’s moaning.Actirasty: A fetish for sun exposure. This is often a fetish of tanorexics, fans of outdoor sex, or those who only date really tan people.Adolescentilism: A fetish for acting, dressing, or being treated like an adolescent.Agalmatophilia: A fetish for a human-like doll, mannequin, or statue. This does not include the use of sex dolls merely as surrogates for real partners. Similar to pygmalionism.Age Play: A type of fetishistic role-playing in which people pretend to be substantially older or younger than they are. Includes adolescentilism and infantilism.Agonophiliac: A fetish for violence or fighting as foreplay.Agoraphilia: A fetish for sex in public places.Agrexophilia: A fetish for having other people know about your sexual activities. This can include people with agoraphilia, those who like to have loud sex, exhibitionists, people who like to put their homemade sex tapes online, or those who simply like to brag about their conquests.Air Inflation: One of the most common types of inflation fetish. This usually involves the fantasy of inflating a person with a bicycle pump to a comically large size. Some practitioner of this fetish enjoy pumping air into their partner’s anus.Algolagnia: A fetish for pain.Allorgasmia: A fetish for fantasizing about someone other than your current partner.Allotriorasty: A fetish for sex partners of another race, ethnicity, or nationality.Alphmegamia: A fetish for older partners.Altocalciphilia: A fetish for high heels. Common among those with a foot fetish. Synonyms: retifism.Alvinolagnia A fetish for stomachs. Likely linked to the importance of wide hips when it comes to natural childbirth. Synonyms: partialism.Amaurophilia: A fetish for not being seen during sex. This usually involves turning off the lights or blindfolding a partner. Some peeping toms and fans of glory holes have this fetish.Anaclitism: An erotic fixation on the objects one was exposed to as an infant, such as anal thermometers, bibs, bottles, pacifiers. Similar to: autonepiophilia, infantilism.Anasteemaphilia: A fetish for partners who are much shorter or taller.Androidism: A fetish for humanoid robots. Similar to agalmatophilia and Pygmalionism.Andromimetophilia: When a woman is sexually aroused by dressing, acting, or being treated like a man.Anophelorastia: A fetish for ravaging a partner.Antholagnia: A fetish for the scent or sight of flowers.Aphephilia: A fetish for human touch.Apotemnophilia: A fetish for having your own limbs amputated.Aquaophilia: A fetish for water that goes far beyond enjoying sex on the beach or in a hot tub.Archnephilia: A fetish for spiders.Asiaphile: A fetish for Asians.Asphyxiophilia: A fetish for being suffocated or choked.Asthenolagnia: A fetish for weakness or being humiliated.Autagonistophilia: A fetish for having others spy on you, particularly while naked or engaging in sexual acts. As opposed to exhibitionists who get off on exposing themselves to unsuspecting victims, a person with this fetish creates situations in which other people may see her naked, like sun bathing nude or changing in front of an open window.Autassassinophilia: A fetish for coming close to death, particularly during sex.Autoandrophilia: A fetish for women who dress, behave, or look like men.Autoerotic Asphyxiation: Choking yourself while masturbating to achieve a more intense orgasm. This often involves the use of belts or ropes. People who have died from this form of masturbation include, kung-fu master David Carradine and INXS rocker Michael Hutchence.Autogynephilia: A fetish in which a man derives sexual pleasure from imagining himself as a woman. This is a common fetish for cross dressers. Origins: coined by Ray Blanchard.Autonepiophilia: A fetish for acting, dressing, and being treated like an infant. Synonym: anaclitism, infantilism.Avisodomy: A form of bestiality involving sex with a bird.Axillism: A fetish for armpits.BBathroom Denial: A type of denial play in which the dom refuses to let the sub urinate and/or defecate.BDSM: “Bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism.” A catchall term for fetish play.Belonephilia: A fetish for sharp objects such as knifes, needles, or razors.BFP: “Bound for pleasure.” A BDSM term.Biastophilia: A sexual disorder in which arousal is derived from the thought or act of assaulting another, often in a sexual manner.Body Inflation: Being sexually aroused by the fantasy of physically expanding yourself, or others. This fetish ofte

Source: A kinky fetish dictionary of taboo terms | Daily Loaf | Creative Loafing Tampa

The reality artist using makeup to fight the patriarchy

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Signe PiercePhotography Marina Fini

A regular on the art scenes of New York and LA, Signe Pierce is calling bullshit on ‘empowering feminist’ advertising and the way products are sold to fuel our sense of self-worth. Through a combination of performance art, installation and photo prints, Pierce is creating accessible, intersectional feminist art in a world where companies cashing in on female empowerment is a pervasive and problematic normality. Fascinated by the American landscape of abandoned shopping malls and the cultural shift of more and more of us living life largely online, Pierce’s work deals with ideas of capitalism and identity through a dreamy, flashing-neon lens.

Despite her expressing a distaste for “pretentious” and sterile art fairs, Art Basel has played a significant role in Pierce’s career. It was at the festival two years ago that her now-viral short American Reflexxx premiered. A collaboration between Pierce and Alli Coates, the short saw her descend on South Carolina’s Myrtle Beach in a blue mini-dress, stripper heels and a reflective mirror mask. Without ruining the hard-to-watch video for those yet to see it, the 14-minute short sees Pierce subjected to misogyny, transphobia and physical aggression. Since its internet debut earlier this year, the video has been viewed more than 1.5 million times on YouTube, picked up by international news outlets,  and used by teachers to educate students on LGBTQ rights. And while it may have been the internet, not the Art Basel premiere, that catapulted the short film to popularity, Pierce still decided to debut two new works at the fair this year. Following on from her recent performances, we speak to the cyberfeminist about life after American Reflexxx, art-industry snobbery and the importance of keeping it sleazy.

During Art Basel this year you performed a ‘make-up tutorial’, ‘U R Wut U Eat’, at an abandoned pharmacy. How did this performance come about?

The Pharmacy was an hour-long performance curated by Otionfront Studios, which is a collective of performance artists who run a studio out of Bushwick, Brooklyn. In my opinion, they are staging some of the most interesting experimental performance pieces in New York right now, with performance art duo FlucT (Monica Mirabile and Sigrid Lauren) serving as the founders and lead curators. The event featured a fusion of works by performance group BUOY (Bailey Nolan, Viva Soudan and Ellen Robin Rosenberg), Richard Kennedy, a collaboration between India Menuez, Alexandra Marzella and Claire Christerson, Otionfront (Mirabile, Lauren, Kathleen Dycaico, Gina Chiappetta and Sarah Kinlaw), and myself.

What made you want to experiment with make-up in your work?

I’ve been toying with make-up tutorials-as-art performances for a year or so, and for ‘U R Wut U Eat’ I used materials that you would typically ingest in order to bring ‘the beauty that’s on the inside, out.’  

The overarching theme of this particular performance was using typical pharmacy remedies to help you get through the nauseating expectations of the patriarchy. ‘Rub Muscle Milk on your face to help tighten your face muscles for when men inevitably tell you to ‘Smile!’’, ‘Use Adderall for a pop of colour on your eyelids to give you energy while working twice as hard to earn less than your male co-workers,’ ‘Drink your own blood for those classic Taylor Swift red lips that never go out of style.’ There’s a comedic slant to the monologues, I want them to be funny and irreverent as I’m slathering toothpaste and Adderall all over my face, but the overarching message is political. It’s a deconstruction of the pressures and outside forces that consume women within their own identities. I’m also going to be filming a series of these make-up tutorials to be released as an interactive show in 2016. 

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U R Wut U Eat- Signe PierceU R Wut U Eat Photography Walter Wlodarczyk

During the art fair you also took part in a group immersive installation called ‘Motelscape’, which seemed much more of a polished experience than ,U R Wut U Eat’ yet still nowhere near the traditional gallery context by any means. How did you get involved with ‘Motelscape’ and what was involved in the installation?

‘Motelscape’ is the lovechild of me and my two friends/collaborators Marina Fini and Sierra Grace. We’ve been working on the concept of doing an immersive installation inside of a motel for months. Marina lives in LA and is a plexiglass furniture and jewellery designer, as well as a being a dope photographer and stylist, and Sierra lives in Miami and is one of my favorite photographers and artists. We’re all very inspired by one another, and the worlds that we capture in our individual works, so a love motel seemed like the perfect setting to exhibit collectively.

Sierra scouted around some various motels and the Miami Princess Hotel ended up being this perfect, 80s sleaze haven. We chose the love suite, which featured a heart-shaped bed, jacuzzi and a stripper pole, and infused it with our love of lush, colourful lighting and interior decoration. We chose to exhibit our photos by printing them on towels, pillowcases, and lenticulars, and collaborated with light artist Sydney Krause to create custom neon and LED pieces. We also worked with LA by way of Kansas City fashion designer, Peggy Noland, to make a shower curtain collage from our Tumblr feeds. Marina debuted a custom line of plexiglass furniture and installed a holographic floor, and we worked together to curate the lighting design to exude a specific glow that’s reflective of our photo and video work. We wanted it to be an escape from the pretentious art fairs that consume South Beach, and to inject some colour, vibrance and guerilla technique into the Art Basel experience.  

We also produced an accompanying zine, which we thought would be a cool, accessible way of compiling our photo work and giving people an idea of our individual styles, as well as exposing our work to new audiences.

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MotelscapeMotelscape Photography Marina Fini

“The word ‘feminism’ can often feel binary, but I think that the cyberfeminist movement is interested in eliminating these binaries by advocating a concept of expanding identities beyond the limits of our bodies and/or assigned genitalia to be something more than human”– Signe Pierce

American Reflexxx, a film created by you and Alli Coates, received an amazing response earlier this year. How did it feel to move forward as an artist after the media attention the short attracted?

It was thrilling to get that piece out there into the world after sitting on it for quite some time. We had been screening it at art fairs and festivals for most of 2014 so we halted on immediately uploading it to YouTube. The feedback has been so incredibly positive and overwhelming. It’s exciting as an artist to watch your work touch people on such a human level. I loved that millions of people were exposed to an art film and that we didn’t need some kiss of approval from the art world to make it happen. Art should be accessible to everyone, not just multi-millionaire collectors and dealers.  

Your work seem to be focussed around themes of digital living, feminism and queer identity. Do you feel like these are themes that are taken seriously at big art fairs such as Art Basel?

I don’t know that they’re necessarily taken seriously at the art fairs, because it seems to me that those fairs thrive on a more facile, money-driven agenda. That’s not to say there isn’t great work at the art fairs, there absolutely is. But I personally don’t attend art fairs in search of an authentic artistic revelation. I think the money side of the art world is pretty antithetical to the reasons that a lot of artists create work in the first place, which is such a bizarre paradox. But even though the bloated, excessive spectacle of Art Basel can often be eye-roll-inducing, I think it’s important to stage these gallery pop-ups and performances to remind people that not all art has to be attached to a five figure price tag or staged in a big white tent to make it good or worth seeing. The best and most provocative art usually isn’t.

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MotelscapeMotelscape Photography Marina Fini

The concept of cyberfeminism is one that has recently seen a surge in popularity. As someone who identifies with the movement, what does cyberfeminism mean to you?

It’s interesting the way that word/concept has been experiencing such a strong resurgence in the past year or two, because it’s been around since the 80s and has experienced many thought waves. For me it is a continuation of ideas from the women who pioneered these concepts before the internet became what it is today. Women like Donna Haraway (author of A Cyborg Manifesto) and VNS Matrix (who penned A Cyberfeminist Manifesto), who were writing about the burgeoning digital evolution as being instrumental for women to reclaim their bodies, minds and identities through technology, which is happening very actively in 2015.

I will stress that it’s important to me, that I want our political ideals and agendas to not be limited to the notions of just those who identify as ‘female’ – the spectrum is too limitless for that. The word ‘feminism’ can often feel somewhat binary, but I think that the cyberfeminist movement is interested in eliminating these binaries by advocating a concept of expanding identities beyond the limits of our bodies and/or assigned genitalia to be something more than human. I think that women who live their lives presentationally on the internet are doing a lot for the movement, whether or not they identify as ‘cyberfeminist’ is up to them. Off the top of my head, I personally am inspired by the works of Molly Soda, Juliana Huxtable, May Waver, Alexandra Marzella, and Vasilisa Forbes in terms of reclaiming a space online to be open advocates for the ways that our bodies and identities are consumed and perceived.

What else did you check out during the week at Art Basel?

I was so busy working on the installation and performance that I didn’t have a chance to see as much as I wanted to. I saw Sophie DJ on Thursday night which was cool, I love what they’re doing by fusing music with conceptual/visual art. I saw Vector Gallery’s installation at the Satellite Art Fair, which I loved. And I checked out the Scope Art Fair, which had some good stuff and also some awful stuff.  

I know this may sound cliche, but I find the things we see in day-to-day life to be just as artful as something that was explicitly created with artistic intention. Art imitates life. I saw a Barbie Jeep floating in a parking lot in Little Havana when I was walking with Marina on Friday, and it made me feel more than anything else that I saw walking through the hotels and art fairs. I took a photo of it and dubbed it ‘Drowning Barbie Jeep’, dedicated to Marcel Duchamp. Driving around the Florida suburbs and seeing the reality of life outside of the bougie art fairs was also a highlight of the trip, both in terms of leisure and in terms of seeing interesting art. I plan on returning there in the next year or two to do some extended documentation about that world.

Keep up with Signe Pierce here

The Gaining Life

The Gaining Life – Episode 44: stuffmebloated

In this episode we talk to stuffmebloated. At age 21 and skinny, he decided that he wanted to start gaining. Hear about all the eating and gluttony involved in turning his 175 lb. body into the fat man he is today. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to be funnel fed melted ice cream, this is the podcast for you. He talks about meeting up with encouragers, gaining nearly 200 lbs. and still not feeling fat enough, his struggle with guilt over gluttony, mobility issues as his weight goes up, his future goals, and much more.

Running Time: 57 mins.

Listen to our podcast episode in the player above or click here if you are experiencing problems.

If you’d like to contact us with feedback, suggestions, or questions you can do so here on Tumblr or send an email to thegaininglife@gmail.com.

The Gaining Life.

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Just What Every Christmas Tree Needs: A Merman Ornament. – if it’s hip, it’s here

merman ornament

When it comes to random themed Christmas Tree decorations, the Mermen collection of ornaments ranks way up there. Last year I introduced you to the raunchiest ornaments I could find and although it’s hard to beat Pornaments for slightly subversive and sexy tree embellishments, Mermen come awfully close.

handcrafting the merman

Clearly designed for the gay market, they also appeal to those with aquatic fetishes or the many who pride themselves on collecting the most bizarre ornaments they can find. All types of glitter embellished resin bare-chested hunks with fishtails made by December Diamonds are available, from Goalies to Pirates. Hand made with care, the ornaments are made of a light composite resin and they add new ones each year to their collection. While they also make Mermaids and other aquatic themed baubles, the Mermen are the most popular. And they sell out quickly, because they really are fabulous.

Here are just a few:
candy can and hoodiemermen ornaments 1Surf and pearl diver mermantool and timberofficer and rangerDallas and StudBiceps and Fiftypride and clambakeJagger and H20Mario and BoTriton merman and logo

And of course, King Neptune (aka Santa):
Santa merman

Remember, these are only a few. There are a lot more to choose from including Mermaids, couples and more.
Shop for Merman Ornaments here

Just What Every Christmas Tree Needs: A Merman Ornament. – if it’s hip, it’s here.

Source: Just What Every Christmas Tree Needs: A Merman Ornament. – if it’s hip, it’s here