A Boy Joke

Found this at Mom is Nutz

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks.

While they’re sitting there having a good time together

she starts talking about this really great new drink.

The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets,

and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar

— A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue,

next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth,

and finally you drink the lime juice.”

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue — salty but OK.

He drinks the shot of Baileys – smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant.

He thinks – this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it……

In one second the sharp lime taste hits…

….. At two seconds the Baileys curdles …..

……At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting

to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says,

“Jesus, what do you call that drink?” She smiles widely at him and says,

“Blow Job Revenge”

List Writing

I don’t know why I only seem to feel like writing lists lately. Maybe it’s just because things are still so up in the air with everything. Still not moved. Still no word from John in Hamilton and I’m at the point where I guess I should just leave it as a nice memory. Nothing in the way of a job either. Though I did get an interested phone call from a company called GeoSign about being a Blogmaster or a Website Editor, if I moved to Guelph.

So… not much new to write about. Anyone up for another useless list?

Note: Apparently I’ve shocked a mouse. It wouldn’t be the first time. I used to have an apartment with mice. They were pretty easy to scare. I used to scare them away so I could run down the hallway and get into bed without having one of them cross my path. We were both frightened that way.

Tired of Flying Rats? (Aka Pigeons)

Have a look at these pigeon spikes. Fairly nasty, even I think impaling them could be a little extreme. However, not so long ago they used to be an ingrediant. So this is the lazy person’s way to hunt for pigeons. I bet you could be cooking up pot luck for the whole neighbourhood in some city areas. Feed the homeless potluck pigeon pie!

Although, I think people who live downtown sometimes get confused. There are so few wild animals down there, other than rats, pigeons, insects and the odd raccoon that they consider pigeons to be a real bird. They even feed them, on purpose. It’s really too bad and someone should suggest that they get out more. Out of the city that is. There are real wild animals still left. You don’t have to settle for flying rats who poop all over everything and everyone. City people… there are real birds just a little north of you (everything is north of the cities here in Canada).

I don’t know why these people want to hunt crows. I actually like them. They keep to themselves and clean up roadkill.

Ginger with Ginger

A recipe I came across this morning from A Spoonful of Sugar

Ginger Crunch

200g plain flour
100g caster sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp ground ginger (organic is particularly pungent)
125g softened butter (unsalted)
40g crystallised ginger chunks, roughly chopped

150g unsalted butter
4 tbsp golden syrup
270g icing sugar, sifted
1 tbsp ground ginger

Preheat oven to 180C. Line a 9″ square tin with baking parchment. (I don’t do anything fancy here. Just squish it into the tin and the base will push into the corners nicely. No need for scissors!)

Put flour, sugar, baking powder and ginger into the bowl of a food processor and pulse briefly in lieu of sifting. Tip in the butter and pulse. When half-mixed, add the ginger pieces and continue pulsing until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. If it clumps together claggily, you’ve gone too far. It’ll still taste fine, though.

Press crumbs evenly over base of the tin. Bake for approximately 30 minutes until puffed up and golden brown. Do not remove from tin. Put tin on a wire rack.

Before the end of the cooking time, prepare the icing. Melt the butter and golden syrup together in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Tip in the sifted icing sugar and ginger and stir well. Cook for another minute or two–this prevents the butter from “leaking” out of the icing–then quickly pour the icing over the still piping hot base. Shake the tin gently–with oven glove on!–to even it out and ensure icing gets all the way to the corners, then leave to set.

When set cut into squares or bars. Store in an airtight tin or plastic tub. It makes rather a lot!!

Canadian Living: Green Velvet Soup

Green Velvet Soup
1 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
2 leeks (white and light green parts only), sliced
1 large onion, diced
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
4 cups diced zucchini (about 1 1/4 lbs)
1 potato, peeled and diced
1/3 cup 10% cream
1 tbsp. lemon juice
Garnish :
4 thin slices lemon
2 tbsp. finely chopped fresh chives

In large saucepan, heat oil over medium heat; fry leeks, onion, salt and pepper, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes.

Add zucchini, potato and 4 cups water; bring to boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer until potatoes are tender, about 20 minutes.

In batches, transfer to blender or with immersion blender, puree until smooth. Return to pan. Stir in cream and lemon juice, adding more lemon juice, if desired. (Make ahead: Let cool for 30 minutes. Transfer to an air tight container; refrigerate, uncovered, until cold. Cover and refrigerate for up to 24 hours; reheat over medium heat without boiling).

Garnish: Top each serving wtih lemon slice; sprinkle with chives.

Makes 6 to 8 servings.

I typed this one from Canadian Living magazine. It was one of the recipes they had last month, to help use up all that zucchini growing in so many gardens. I like soups and this one sounds really good.

For the Canadian Peacekeepers

Every week there are more Canadian Peacekeepers dying. I really don’t see the point in having them there, in Afghanistan or any other locations. If it’s not “terrorists” who kill them it’s the Americans who had some kind of oopsie. Why are these people being killed? Not for Canada. So, bring them home. Let them be with their families. Let them live.

How to Amuse Yourself While Coughing Up a Lung

Of course, men will come up with things like seeing how far your mucus will fly. I’ll just skip over that one with a dishonorable mention.

Think about things you could be doing if only you weren’t so busy coughing.

Try writing your name and see if you can read it once you stop coughing.

Cough on a bug. I like to spread germs to them, just let them think they will out survive us. If everyone made some effort the human race will outlast the bug race.

Phone your sister, the one that likes to talk too much. It will be one of the few times you’ll be able to hang up on her, or she will even suggest you do so.

Phone your boyfriend/ husband/ significant other and have a discussion about the kind of flowers and such you most like. Don’t say right out that he is expected to bring them to you. But, if he doesn’t… cough on his coffee.

Since you shouldn’t be going out and spreading your diseased self among the sales clerks and other innocent bystanders play games on the Internet. Look up really fun things you would buy if you had a bottomless bank balance. Or, find a site where you can design your own house. That’s fun too.

Play games such as city building games where you are the World Ruler and She Who Must Be Obeyed. If those peons begin to win just shut the game down and have the final victory over them all. That always cheers me up.

Call your Mother, unless she lives nearby and is likely to come over. It’s nice to have some sympathy in your sickness but you’re too old to be mothered, right?

Eat really salty and sour foods. Drink some vinegar (white is nice) if you have nothing else around. I like salty taco chips and lemonade. I can feel the germs being tortured in my throat. I like that.

Since you will be spending extra time in the bathroom due to drinking all that lemonade, gingerale and so on, bring in a good book and take your time. Just like the guys do. Only we don’t stink up the place.

Plan your next vacation. Why not?

Discover new and unusual art forms. Even if you can’t do much about them until after you get well soon.