A Poll in Memory of SpiritoftheNight

I used to write for a site called BackWash. There was the general side, then came along other versions and offshoots: kids, pets, lit (for snobs) and adult. The adult spin off was the first to branch out from the main site. I wrote there (I wrote on original, adult and kids – at one point there were three of me).

Anyway, when I wrote for Adult BackWash my login was Spirit of the Night and I called my regular column, Bait and Switch. It was fun most of the time. I wish I still knew where a few of other others from Adult BW are now. I have only kept in touch with one of them.

Rather than continue dragging along the backstory, here is what I found today from the debris of the old site. This is a poll I put up. I still like it.

This image is not clickable – it is cut and pasted from the original (which used to be clickable). If you want to answer, leave it in the comments.

Erotica Writers are Nice Girls Too

This was originally posted to HubPages. However, they unpublished it (and several other posts) because it was too adult. I have relocated the post here and you can bet I’m not really happy with HubPages today.

I Write Adult Non-Fiction and Erotica

I’ve written erotica and non-fiction adult content too. It’s not as dramatic as people want to think. The worst reaction I had was from my Mother and a sister when they found out. But, once I showed them what I was writing they mellowed out about it.

I’ve written erotica and sold it too. I also write non-fiction for adult sites. It’s an interesting market. I get ideas and experience which work well for me when I’m writing in other markets, venues and genres too.

There is a big difference in writing erotica versus plain, pure pornography. One of the differences is that porn sells a lot easier then gets passed around online without any credit to the original author. Erotica writing is better in the long run, even for making money, because anyone who wants to hire you based on what you have written, can actually find you.

Adult Content Warning for your Blog

You can easily add an adult content warning to your WordPress blog. It’s even a free plugin.

How to Know What’s Erotic and What’s Not

You can read about the distinction between erotica and pornography on any site which accepts erotica from writers. Most have drawn a line where they feel one becomes the other.

Basically, erotica has a story, there may be romance but either way it’s sensual and takes time to tell a story. There is more to the writing than intercourse. Erotica isn’t hard core. Erotica isn’t about making love necessarily, but it’s more than just a quickie. When you write erotica there’s foreplay and a story to go along with the quickie.

Adult Writing Prompts

I like Writing for Adult Blogs

I began writing on the adult side ten years ago when I wrote for Adult BackWash. That site is now gone. But, for me, it all started when BackWash needed more writers for the adult side of the site. It was the side of the site where the writers got to write anything, within reason (but there were very few limits imposed). Plus, it was red. I love the colour red. So I wrote a regular adult column which I called Bait and Switch. It was fun. Most of the time.

There were times when I really didn’t feel like reviewing adult sites to add to the links. Or there were times I didn’t have anything new to say. But, that happens no matter what genre you write.

The difference with adult content is that you have the frigid versus hooker issue. People expect women writing adult content are pretty free and wild and having sex at least once every day/ night. (Men feel this way more than women readers, but most of your readers are men). If you aren’t busy with boyfriends, toys, and more, you can feel you have nothing to write about. But, you’re wrong. You can be a nice, good girl type and still write about romance, dating, intimacy and issues with all three of them.

Any woman can write erotica. It’s about your attitude more than your experience, or lack of it.

Do We Really Need Men?

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday June 04, 2004  

I know about the whole opening jars, reaching high shelves and squishing icky bugs thing… but do we really need men? Think about it.

When was the last time you couldn’t open a jar by yourself? There are tricks you can figure out. I find running it under the warm water tap and then hitting it around the edges with a knife handle works well. Also smack it on the bottom a few times and see if that sucker doesn’t loosen up.

Next, reaching things. Not every guy is actually tall enough to reach things you can’t reach yourself. Consider getting a step ladder for the rest. Step ladders are pretty much maintenance free.

Down to the bug issue. I have found men are just as icked out about bugs as most women I know. So, really, this is not an advantage to having a man around the house. Squish your own bugs, learn to trap them and flush or dump them outside. However you do it, you can get rid of the squickiest bug without the assistance of a man.

So, what’s left? Sex? Make me laugh! Every woman can learn how to do that herself. Plus no worries about diseasse, unwanted pregnancies or sleeping in wet spots. Quick, clean and to the point.

I used to think I’d like a robot man around. But, really, it would just be one more thing to dust. Get rid of the fantasy and stop looking for a man. Instead become your own man. Whatever you thought you needed from a man you can do for yourself. Just tap your ruby slippers a few times and think about not sharing a bathroom.

BDSM Flashers

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Thursday June 24, 2004  

A BDSM flasher is a story in a hundred words or less, with a BDSM theme or topic. Of course there are standard flashers too, I don’t mean streakers. Just stories about general topics. Flasher, in this case, means it has a very tight word limit. Not all that different from writing haiku which has a limit of syllables, rather than words.

Can you do it? Think of it as a writing exercise. If you think this is too easy try cutting the word limit in half, you sadist. It does have to tell a story with a beginning, a middle and an ending. Just writing a short scene won’t cut it.

Here’s mine. As done for the BDSM Scribes http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMScribes/ email list.

“Take off your clothes, little man.” She circled him, grinning wickedly.

His skin tingled, anticipating her first touch. Squirming, breathing in short gasps, heart pounding, craving her domination, he hovered at the edge of jerking himself off.

“Do you really know what it means to be mine, slut?”

“Yes!” He said, feeling almost mad with heat and need.

“It means I can play any games I want. Or, I can send you home, right now.”

“No!”

“Yes, little man. Go home. Obey.”

So he left, without his clothes.

She sent an email. Tomorrow his real training would begin.

Now it’s your turn. I know some of you are writers. See if you can top me. *evil grin*

Sex with a Man Body

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday August 27, 2004  

The best part of sex is the ache. The craving, the need, the feeling that your pussy wants it, now.

Once you get over that hump (aren’t words fun) it’s all downhill. You rest, you wait and maybe you take matters into your own hands (literally) and get a round two.

What makes you ache for sex? What makes your pussy need it? Is it an odd little fetish? Is it seeing a hard cock or making a cock hard? Is it just not getting any for awhile and… wanting it like a cat in heat?

I’m ornery tonight. Sometimes that’s a good thing. It makes thoughts come in more sharply, or less humbly and polite.

If you were tied to the wall in a darkened room, your eyes covered and someone began making lust to your body, would it matter if it was a male or a female? If you’re bisexual it wouldn’t. What if you were straight or queer. Yes, your body could get caught up in the moment, reach that sex ache stage and you likely wouldn’t care whose hands were on you as long as they stayed there, doing a good job.

What about afterwards, when the lights come on? How would you feel, really?

I went to a munch (a casual BDSM dinner party) and I was asked how I knew I wasn’t bisexual. She asked me about the scenario above. It was interesting. But, I know I’m not bisexual. I don’t feel that need to have a woman’s body that I do for a man’s. Maybe it’s a thing leftover from my relationship with my Dad, a need for male approval. Or maybe I just lust for man hands over my body, all over. (More in some places than others). I don’t feel romantic about women either. We can be friends but I’m not aching to have them tied to my bed begging for mercy.

How do you know you’re not bisexual? Or, how do you know you are?

Me and My Magical Little Clit Button

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Wednesday September 17, 2003  

His hands were like manacles, grabbing at her, pulling her back towards his muscular manly chest. In her ear he whispered, “Isn’t this the start of a cheesy romance?”

Yes, it could be. But, I’ve saved you! Don’t you feel pleased if not pleasured?

Why did I even write the above, is there any point to it? Not especially. I was just thinking of men’s bodies and the parts I like best. The different things men can do with those parts and how I’d like them to do them.

Back to reality, out of the cheesy romance mode. *Sigh* What a waste of a perfectly good cheesy romance type fantasy.

Are you really still here? Maybe you’re just curious to know what men’s body parts I was thinking of?

Hands, chests, arms (lower and upper) mainly. I’ve recently realized I prefer chests that aren’t too hairy. I always thought I had no preference and then some guy came into the store without a shirt and I got all turned on by his nice smooth chest. I took a mental picture to play around with later. No, later, not right now.

I love a deep, manly voice. I’m sure I’ve typed that in here at least once before. (It’s almost like ordering from a catalogue). Dark hair, maybe blonde if it’s not that silly fake looking blonde. Well, OK, I guess I’d even give a redhead a second glance or three. So, hair colour doesn’t seem all that important. Of course, it’s nice if he has some hair but I can get over that if I like the rest of him.

If I wasn’t so tired tonight I’d probably be getting more into this and back to the cheesy romance.

Well, I can always get back to that. I just have to post something here and go to bed. All by myself, just me and my magical little clit button.

Mother Tormentation

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Thursday April 29, 2004  

Would you torment your Mother?

I am coming to the conclusion that my Mother is on the nosey side. Before now I would have defended her nosiness as Motherly concern. But, really, what Mothers really ask about intimate details. How intimate do they need to know? Why do they even ask? Do they think we are all sexual deviants?!

Well, maybe we are. To them at least. My Mother and sisters will not do things that I will do. That does not make me a… you know… Nor does it make them frigid. It’s just a mind set thing really. They have their minds set against going below the belt. I don’t. I broke the standard of nice grrl-ness and I did go below the belt. I plan to do it again too.

But, do you tell your Mother? Or your sisters? Brothers? Debatable, highly debatable. In spite of what they might say I don’t think they would like that I did that. I don’t think it would add to their quality of life to know that I did that either. It wouldn’t do much for me personally either. Even though there is a bit of shock factor. Just a bit.

So, though these intimate details are prone to slip out when I’m not thinking to watch what I’m saying, I don’t plan to hand them out. But, I can see how they could be used to torment family members.

Still, it’s more fun tormenting other people, in other ways…

I can think of a few… dozen… ways.

Am I a Mutant Freak?

Original post from Adult BackWash, when I wrote a weekly column called Bait and Switch: Thursday May 30, 2002

I set up this column with Ringman, the Backwash founder, in secrecy. In fact, I’ve been around Backwash about a year on and off. I write another column over in original Backwash. But, I didn’t feel comfortable coming out about my BDSM side. There are a lot of stereotypes for women. Things a nice girl does and doesn’t do. Nice girls get treated like nice girls and those other girls, well, they’re just sluts aren’t they?

At one point in my life I thought I was going to die a virgin. I was over 30 when I had sex with a real live human male. I actually took my own cherry with a vibrator I bought in an adult store and I was in my later 20’s then. Even that had to happen when I was thousands of miles away from home.

Not that my Mother was/ is someone prim and proper. Heck, I was her second pregnancy and she was 20 when I was born. The first pregnancy was aborted. If it hadn’t been for that kid’s being aborted I wouldn’t be here today. Mom told me that she didn’t want to abort a second baby so she married my Dad. My Dad is a jerk most of the time, I’ve always thought she should have run while she could.

Anyway, that’s all getting way off the topic. I grew up as a nice girl in a middle class neighborhood in the suburbs of a very large city. Sex wasn’t something taboo but we weren’t about to open up a bordello for a bit of extra income either. You get the idea.

I was a virgin for so long because I didn’t meet any guy I wanted to get naked with. You are pretty vulnerable at that point. My Dad spent a lot of years heaping emotional abuse on me, mainly about how I looked. That didn’t make me feel better about myself and I often loaded up on goodies to make up for it. So, by the time I was 20 I was chubby, had less than perfect skin and any time I might have a bit of self esteem it would be blown to bits when ever I looked at movies, magazines and all the other places “they” tell us we should all look like air brushed photos of skeletal women.

So, dropping my drawers was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do to attract the opposite sex. I think I choose my husband as my first (and only) lover because he was someone who felt a lot like I did. We were both virgins. But, if anyone asks me what the hottest sex I have ever had was, that was it! To be touched so reverently, cautiously, it made me feel like a goddess- priceless, valued and very sexy. Of course, that’s all dust in the wind now.

Anyway, am I a mutant freak? Does anyone else have kinky fantasies or better yet, kinky sex? Does it turn you on to think of being seduced? Do you have rape fantasies? Do you think it would be fun to tie up a strong man and have your way with him? Or do you really, secretly just want to be Daddy’s little girl?

Fairer Sex

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday February 15, 2003  

Do you do unto your man as he does unto you? It’s only fair. Isn’t it?

I don’t think so. But for a few reasons. Mainly, not everyone gets aroused by the same things. Maybe he likes sucking your toes but unless this interests you I wouldn’t suggest you return the favour. If the idea of sucking his toes is revolting that won’t make the experience good for either of you.

Also, he might not like his toes sucked. Do you like it when he sucks your toes? If not you should let him know. That is one thing women don’t do often enough. Let the poor sap know you don’t like something and let him know when you DO like something. You need communication in order to make the sex good and the relationship grow.

One concern I always had during sex was that I wasn’t doing enough. I read about women who just lie there. But, it’s fun just lying there, feeling and enjoying everything. It’s not good if he feels you aren’t involved in the process. Would you like making love to someone who didn’t do anything? It would be lonely and eventually you’d lose interest. Make some noise, pat him, rake your nails over his back, whatever it takes to keep him going. Does he like his nipples sucked or nibbled? Does he go wild when you grab his cock, even if that’s all you do with it? Kiss him, if that’s kind of bland kiss him in some unique place where you’ve never kissed him before.

But, don’t let him get you into a lock. If he is behind you, you’re locked into a position where there is very little you can do. Our arms just don’t function well that way. Also, they tend to get in his way. Suddenly it’s like an octopus has just invaded your bed. (Or wherever it is you’re making love). Try to shift around, or just tell him you want to be able to touch him too. What guy wouldn’t like to know that!

One reason BDSM is really good for the women is that it gives you the right to not do anything. If you’re tied up you can’t do much, just wait for what will come. You have less pressure to perform if you can’t do more than whimper and moan. If you’re the one doing the tying then you get to set the pace. You are the one who chooses how things go and where they go. When you get tired of ordering him around, order him to please you. Sit back and let him get to work. Be spontaneous or give him a list of what you want before you start.

However, back to the do unto plan, you should not be so close minded that you can’t try new things. Give his fetish a chance too. Try sucking his (freshly showered and scrubbed) toes once before you decide it’s gross. We can be fair, to a point.

The Hero/ Lover

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Wednesday February 26, 2003  

Originally I had written something which ended up as an angry rant against men in general. I read it back over and I wondered, why am I so angry? Even to myself it seemed too angry over issues that have been around since cave men and dinosaurs. Some things will not change.

Anyway, the issue I was writing about was not worth the energy and passion I had put into my rant about it. So I took a break and went downstairs to make coffee. I concluded that I’m not really angry at men. I’m angry because there is a stereotypical ideal which is built up in most women and one that no man can really live up to. Yet, we are taught to expect to find this stereotypical hero/ lover. In short, the perfect man. No human man is likely to ever be so perfect as the hero/ lover we read about in steamy romance novels, see on soap operas, daydream about in magazines, and so on. It’s hard to let go of that illusion and the need for that perfect man in our lives.

Just imagine having that shining hero in chain mail and riding a white horse coming to your rescue, treating you like a lady (all the time) and making you feel so special and treasured, always knowing when you need to be taken care of and always being there to do it. Put the shoe on the other foot. Could you be that for someone else? Not likely, it’s too much self sacrifice, too much intuition and too much to ask of anyone.

But, that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve grown up looking for that man. I remember being in high school, reading those romance novels the other girls were reading. Always thinking how much better my life would be if I had a 30 year old man to love me, solve the problems, stick up for me, always be on my side and of course love me, cover me with affection while encouraging me to become the best me I could be. Don’t laugh, I bet there are high school girls and grown women too who still hold on to that ideal. I admit I’ve got a firm grip on at least a corner of it myself.

But, that’s fantasy. A pleasant, warm fuzzy fantasy that isn’t going to happen. But, having to give up that fantasy hero/ lover isn’t easy. It could make some women pretty angry at men. Myself, I’m going to work on forgiving them for not living up to all my expectations of perfection.