Day 2 – Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
- a headboard
- art on the walls
- paint or wallpaper
Your dream bedroom is just around the corner…. All it takes is a little redecorating and reorganizing to get the beautiful bedroom you’ve always dreamed of.
Martha has the right idea but not the same direction I’m thinking.
The most important thing in your bedroom is the bed itself.
There is nothing sexy about an old mattress or one too cheap for a good sleep. Before you spend money on any bedroom decorating take care of your practical needs. Invest in yourself with a great mattress.
Now, think about some of your favourite things. What makes you feel luxurious, romantic and sensual? Which colours work for you? It may not be the traditional red. Purple, is a great colour but don’t forget to consider blue, green, yellow and assorted shades of all the rest. The right colours will go a long way and colour is a wonderful way to set the mood and create an atmosphere.
Add the colours you want to your bedroom with all Martha’s ideas: throw rugs, extra pillows, paint your walls or furniture. Be sparing with patterns, think of them as a feature or an accent. However, even solid colours can have a texture or shine for a sexier look. You can find endless great ideas online, try a Pinterest search if you don’t know where to start, for home decorating. Your only real limit is how much you can spend. The more you can do yourself the better, but spend a little when you can’t do it all.
Treat yourself to something extra special when you can. In particular I’m thinking an elegant chandelier. You need light after all. If you get lucky you could find an amazing chandelier and matching lamps for your bedside table, dresser, or desk. Consider a chandelier before other mood lighting. Do those strings of holiday lights or little pot lights really make you feel all that sensual?
Not everyone will be wild on the idea of adding mirrors to their bedroom. But, seeing yourself full length every day isn’t as horrifying as you may imagine. It can build up your confidence because you see yourself as you are rather than as you think you are. It’s also a good way to double check for stray threads, labels, and all the other little things. Plus, a full length mirror can come with a luxurious, decadent frame.
Try browsing flea markets, local artists shops for unique items (not just art for the walls but furniture, flower vases, lamps, etc.). Don’t buy something to make do or fill a space. Clutter is not going to make your bedroom sexier, just messier. Pick furniture and art you really must have! Don’t settle for less. (A great way to keep the clutter down is to move things to other rooms in your home or, give them away as gifts to good homes).
Appeal to more than just the visual senses. Throw rugs should feel good beneath your feet, or your bottom on occasion. Flowers can be nice but they aren’t reliable as scent in the room. Don’t OD on scent – find something pleasant rather than overbearing. Keep a DVD player and DVD’s available. I still like the radio myself.
This means that your bedroom should express YOU and have in and around it furniture, artwork, clothes and items that are deeply personal. An attractive bedroom with all new furniture and no real character is not sexy. Additionally, I’ve always found that women whose bedrooms express their older, mature sides are sexier than younger rooms that look like holdovers from college. Women are sexier than girls, so let go of the Victoria’s Secret PINK decor, or “my bedroom is just my crashpad” and kick it up a notch.
I like the ornate mirror and the way the walls and ceiling are done here. I would love an old fashioned engraved tin ceiling.
A real fireplace would be great but not at all practical for me. Instead I could find something electric which only looks wood burning.
Maybe too much red. But… I really like it!
I like the big mirror on the floor. A casual, simple thing but it gives the setting a little history/ mystery to be not quite perfectly polished.
In these I like the chandeliers and I love the clunky, solid, furniture (the bed and the dresser off to the side). I don’t know about painting the furniture. Covering the wood makes me feel guilty, but I do like the way they look once they are painted.
I’d love to have this faux/ fake fur in my room, on my bed. It looks very lush and touchable.
I also like the rustic, fairytale look. My perfect bedroom would be some combination of lusty red colours, elegant, polished, romantic but looking like something you could walk through and find in the pages of a fairytale. Secret niches, marked by a mysterious past but with a very comfortable bed.
The original list came from Body + Soul. I picked out those which interested me. Have you tried making a sexual bucket list? I think it should really be a sensual bucket list so you could enjoy more sexual things without a partner too.
- Plan a surprise bedroom picnic. Fill your basket with goodies that delight. Make sure you have batteries, and include toys for two, not just vibes for her alone. Pull one bedroom picnic treat out at a time and take turns with each other.
- Tantric breathing. – Breathing, hearing and feeling each other’s breath creates intimacy and arousal between you.
- Restrict your or your partner’s movement or senses.
- Fulfill a fantasy.
- Have cybersex.
- Make penetration forbidden. – Light a candle and focus on foreplay and sexplay in whatever way you want until the candle burns out. Only then is penetration allowed!
- Caress each other in unexpected places.
- Give a prelude teaser. – Take the initiative.
- Indulge with a scalp massage.
- Don’t just French kiss. – Use shallow kisses to stimulate his lips with your tongue and teeth, his lips have thousands more nerve endings than in his mouth.
- Keep the lights on.
The real question is – How do Wookies type with all that hair on their fingers? Once you get past that go ahead and read the questions and answers Kilted Wookie posted for this distinguished award in blogging neatness. To follow are the questions I answered when it was my turn and last – the questions and nominees I’ve passed this award along to.
- How did you come across your blogging persona?
- What inspired you to write your first blog?
- What is your greatest unfulfilled fantasy/dream?
- What has blogging taught you about yourself?
- How many “real life” people know you are a blogger and how did it make you feel when you discovered they knew?
- Lights on or off?
- What do you normally wear in bed?
How did you come across your blogging persona?
It’s not really a persona. Somewhere between being contrary, curious and painfully honest I am just being myself. But, we are all full of ourselves, lots of niches and unexpected surprises. So, it’s not too hard to be myself and yet be different from who I am when I’m not thinking about relationships, men or anything related.
The other reason I don’t try to keep up a persona: it’s just too complicated! I know people who blog with several personas over several sites in different niches. I just don’t want to make my brain work that hard to figure out who I am.
What inspired you to write your first blog?
My first blog was on something other than GeoCities (which Yahoo bought out) back in 1996. I loved the free writing, the derring-do of doing anything as long as you could understand enough HTML to do it!
On top of that, it was liberating to write and talk about sex, kinks and fetishes. I didn’t blog about that until a bit later. Back then I was having a great time as an IRC diva. I met a lot of the early online BDSMer’s. I did things online that people don’t seem to do online any more. Or, not nearly as well. In those early days the men were more fun and didn’t always offer you photos of their penis.
I began writing about my IRC adventures just for fun. We played a lot of truth or dare and we played live BDSM scenes and events too. I was involved in BDSM auctions as the seller, buyer and the auctioneer – I was up there being sold too. It was a great group and I wish I hadn’t lost touch with all of them. But.. Dommed if you do; Dommed if you don’t. Years later I wrote for the red light zone at BackWash.com but the whole network has been gone for years now. That was another good community.
What is your greatest unfulfilled fantasy/dream?
The simple wish for someone to grow old with. I think that is the hardest fantasy to fulfill.
What has blogging taught you about yourself?
I don’t really have an answer for that. Blogging (writing) has gotten me through rough times in my life. Did I learn anything? Seems not, I keep doing the same stuff over again and expecting something to be different. But, I don’t think I’m insane, just contrary.
I guess I have learned that pushing yourself to be perfect and make everyone else content is just a way to burn yourself out. I still haven’t learned it well enough to stop trying to be perfect. With blogging you really do have to write for yourself, no matter what all the SEO guru regurgitate in all their blogs.
How many “real life” people know you are a blogger and how did it make you feel when you discovered they knew?
They all know because I told them. It’s not a deep, dark secret. I even told them I write adult content (fiction and non-fiction). Recently (this year) it came up in conversation and my family were surprised I write about sex. Then they remembered they had forgotten about it. So, not much drama there.
I don’t introduce myself as a sex blogger. I decide when to pop it into the conversation or if to mention it at all.
Weirder than the blogging thing is having posted your photo in your Fetlife profile then have a man you don’t know approach you in the grocery store in town – and he knows your name!
Lights on or off?
You can’t turn the lights off in the day. It doesn’t matter to me. Lights off is nice because I can take off my eye glasses and not see any better or worse in the dark. Lights on is good – less chance of poking him in the eye, etc.
What do you normally wear in bed?
I love long nightgowns. Some are soft cotton, some are silky, slinky satin but the longer the better, with sleeves too. I like something luxurious that will sway along with me when I walk. Assorted colours: deep red, dark pink, jewel tones of green and blue, soft yellow, orange… etc.
I know women who wear underwear and bras to bed, I’ve never done that. It’s enough to wear all that stuff day to day. The evenings are my time to feel decadent, romantic like a woman from long ago, but with the modern conveniences of indoor plumbing.
On to my own nominations and questions forthwith:
Gracie at Sex Kitten @GraciePassette
Submissive Guy Comics @SGCposts
A Bad Gentleman @abadgentleman
A Slip of a Girl @SlipOfAGirl
Rose at Ruined Boudoir @RuinedBoudoir
- What colours do you like to wear to feel sexy, and why?
- You have an unlimited budget and no figure flaws to consider – describe a sexy outfit you’d like to wear.
- Even if you only walk from the shower to your bedroom… what do you like about walking around nude?
- Is sex more mental or physical for you, how/ why?
- What is/ was the best thing about your favourite sexual partner so far?
- Did you tell him or her at the time, or ever?
I like personality quizzes online. They don’t mean anything really but they can give you a nice pick-me-up.
You Are Fanciful Sexy
You are sexy because you are very dreamy. You are often lost in a lush fantasy.You are a sincere and devoted partner. You are attracted to troubled souls.You will do anything for the person you love, and in the bedroom, you aim to please.Once you fall for someone, you’re hooked. You give all of yourself to make the relationship work.Of all the types, you’re the most likely to have a secret fantasy life.
And for you, your fantasy life can be more real than your actual life at times.
Originally posted: November 17, 2006
He was on the train again. The guy with a shaved head, charcoal grey suit this time and a red silky looking scarf. No hat, he never wore a hat no matter how much it snowed or rained. I always watched him, shy, from my seat. Sometimes he noticed me, sometimes he didn’t.
I hadn’t seen him this past week. One whole week of commuting without seeing him. I had nearly cried on Friday night, thinking he must have moved or changed jobs and I would never have the chance to meet him now. I regretted not doing something, even something really dumb.
But, there he was back again. Same shaved head, same suit and that same smiley face. He was just one of those people who seemed to smile easily. Sometimes he had conversations with the people around his seat. He laughed easily too and it was a laugh that made me smile, even on the hardest days when I felt worn down to a stub of myself.
I had to meet him tonight, finally. I couldn’t let another day pass by. Maybe he had moved and today was one last trip on the old commuter train. My palms were slick and my stomach in knots but I just had to do something this time.
I knew I looked ok, not one of my better days for looks but it wasn’t too bad. Hopefully I didn’t get too wind blown while I was waiting at my stop for the train. I couldn’t quite dare reach up to pat my hair, he might look over at just that moment. Continue reading The Train Not Taken
Originally posted to Sex Kitten (2003 – 2004)
Better an old man’s darling or a young man’s slave?
I can understand how age difference works for some couples. One partner is established, mature while the other likes having someone to depend on, mentor them. One partner feels buoyed up by the youth and enthusiasm of the other. There are various scenarios, as many as there are people.
I don’t think a big age difference is for me. I’d like to have more in common for one thing. Life experiences, stage of life, thoughts, ideas, habits, taste in music, all are important things. I don’t want a younger man who I’d feel I’d have to keep up with or an older man who I’d feel I couldn’t catch up to.
Although I’d like some aspects of being with an older man, having that security, maturity and understanding from someone who has been there. There is emotional and financial stability which I have not had in my life so far. Still, I’d rather have a balance – an even playing field where we both want the same things at the same time.
I don’t want to rely too heavily or get to the point where I depend on someone to be there. That makes me less than I can be and takes away from some of the strength and independence I have developed for myself. Also, it puts a heavy load on the other person and no matter what someone may say at the time, no one really wants to be responsible for the happiness of another. We do not want to micro-manage another human being. We do not want to be leaned on too much. So, no one should look for someone in their life just to have someone they can lean on. There should be a lot more to create a couple, a relationship that will build and become something both partners can get something out of .
As for the younger guys, I am the oldest of four kids. I don’t really see myself taking another younger ‘brother’ seriously as a partner in life. Yes, I can listen to their ideas, consider them as adults, but I can’t see them as my equal, not really. It’s not that I am looking down on them, it’s just their date of birth. When someone says they were born in the 80’s I remember what I was doing then. I had quit high school and was working full time, keeping up my share of the rent on an apartment. Meanwhile, someone was changing their diaper. How can you really see that as a person you would take into the bedroom and make mad passionate love to? It makes me feel like a cradle robber or some old perverted woman.
When I turn it around and wonder what a younger man would look for in an older woman I think most are looking for someone to give them a security and mothering base or feeling. I don’t want to be that woman for the man I love. I don’t want to be a second mother or a cash cow. I want him to be madly in lust with me and laugh at all my jokes and want to spend time with me, until death. An older guy is likely thinking he will have more sex. Yet, the men I’ve met (mostly older) haven’t wanted sex as often as I have myself. So, I don’t see it working out, either way. On one side I am a second mother and the other I am a sex toy. Neither is allowing me to be a woman or giving me that companionship I am looking for with another human being.
Mainly, its about the stage of life I’m at. I don’t want to skip ahead to retirement or backtrack to beginning to find my place in the world. I want some one to share life with – where I’m at now.
Originally posted to Sex Kitten (2003 – 2004)
That was when she looked at websites about disposing of bodies. Not that he was quite a body, he was still breathing after all. But… she was only curious really.
His head was heavier than expected, kind of like a really big cabbage she’d once cooked for making cabbage rolls. She had a hard time fitting it into the pot, the cabbage, not his head. Although, cooking him was an alternative under consideration.
What do you do with an extra husband after all? Once the marriage was over, he became kind of disposable, like an extra toaster after the wedding. You could always give it away, but somehow that seemed so small minded. Why saddle someone else with your spare toaster? Even more so with a used toaster, one you had cleaned up after, slept with and all that other labour and time not so well spent. Maybe, it was really more like having a sixth finger than an extra toaster. Imagine how awkward that sixth finger would be? Holding a pen would be like a wrestling match and typing would be, well… interesting. Continue reading My First Divorce
This has me thinking about moving my bed that way. Would I have more space or not? Hmmmm.
It’s complicated by the fact that my bedroom is also my home office and pretty much everything else except the kitchen and bathroom. Luckily the laundry isn’t in here too.