It’s my sister’s 40th birthday today. We are packing up and heading down there for spaghetti dinner, salad, (which we haven’t made yet) and wine (my brother is bringing that). After dinner she likes to play Canasta, a card game. We will see what is left of her Canasta cards (2 fancy decks made just for that game). She has been letting her two girls play with them. The two girls who have been trained to never lift a finger to do anything, including putting away cards. I am sure there will be missing cards. I know there are actually. Last time we tried to play cards were missing from one deck.
Anyway, I am going because it’s a birthday and my sister never forgets my own birthday. But, I know it will be another day of babysitting, cleaning her house and cooking for them all. Family get togethers are never the way they look in the movies.
I will see Zack. Maybe find out what drugs they are putting him on. I doubt the “sleeping pills” are actually sleeping pills. It is so strange that we went through all those years of anti drug campaigns and now people are all putting their kids on drugs. I think it is an easier way to deal with behaviour problems. Just drug them up instead. Keep them quiet and well behaved by doping them up. Where does it end? How will it end? No one really knows. I wonder what kind of people they are making this way. Likely, they will all be drug addicts, used to coping with anything by taking drugs rather than relying on themselves or getting any other kind of help.
You are thinking about the deep mysteries of life, the world, and everything. You may be turning to the older members of your family or community for advice and insight, because you are feeling confused about your personal, social or cultural values.
Even the Facebook application knows I am wandering through the deep, thick woods of my own brain these days. I have become entangled in Facebook games, far too many of them and far too many hours spent there. Although, half of the time spent is just waiting for the games to load or move from one screen to the next (which is also loading in the technical sense).
This is what I wrote in my Facebook status just now:
It’s a bit gross how much of these Facebook games I am playing lately. I used to see real stuff on my profile here. Now it is all game spam. I need a change. I need a break. I need a lot of things and the only one who can do anything about it is me.
Yet, I will be there tomorrow, feeding the llamas, picking the cherries, scaring the bear, etc. I need a new obsession.
My brother has been after me to call Revenue Canada for ages. I did today. I am on the phone with the woman trying to identify myself (who can remember half the old stuff they ask you?) and he is yelling and swearing at me to get a supervisor on the line instead. First of all, I was handling things and in spite of all his mouth, I did get it sorted out. Secondly, I really did not think it was at all ok for him to be saying “fuck off” and such while I am trying to hear what the woman is saying. I was really upset. I really don’t know why he has to do that. He does it to me almost every time I am on the phone. He does not have the excuse of Tourettes or anything like that. He just seems to think it is ok to curse and swear and talk in his normal to yelling voice, directing me in what to do and say. I hate making any kind of phone calls when he is around. It is a miserable experience. Of course, in the end I am the bad guy because I got really fed up, gave him the finger and took the phone to finish the call in my bedroom. He is upset that I gave him the finger. My Mother even mentioned it, “Graham said you gave him the finger.” It is ironic that he told me several times to fuck off and that doesn’t seem to matter at all. That is something I have never figured out. I should have started life out being a complete bitch, it would make everything so much easier to be a selfish, psychotic bitch.
Slept in for Sunday. Or least didn’t get up in any hurry. Read awhile. Played cards with my Mom for about an hour, still haven’t gotten dressed and it is already after noon. The Queen would not approve.
Now I have K.D. Lang on the CD player. Mom says none of the US people in the Florida trailer park would believe K.D. Lang wasn’t a man when they saw her at the Olympics this year. Maybe she sounds like a very young boy but she sounds much more like a woman, however she dresses.
Not much else going on today. I have mystery allergies. Resisting taking any allergy pills. Surely it will go away, any hour now.
I want to work on my directory today. Should also login at BOTW and add links I have found for that one too. Need to write for the network with Deanna, I am a couple of months behind on that one.
Zack wants to hear the web radio show I did with Bev for Elemental Musings. At least I don’t think I said anything I wouldn’t want him to hear. I am never going to be the polished professional type though.
I’m writing a post about building and maintaining your own web directory on my Word Grrls blog. I started my own web directory, which I had been wanting to do for ages. Took me quite awhile to find software that I could get to work myself. I am still not 100% with it but it is up there and I have begun adding my sites to it.
I still haven’t met the guy from Toronto. But we still talk online about once a month. I think I am feeling discouraged about it but not quite giving up. I had considered going downtown to Toronto myself this month but after paying the bills I don’t really have enough left that I could afford the travel fare for the local bus (TTC) and the GO bus from here to Newmarket and then Toronto. It would be about $20 each way. Then more for a lunch, or at least a coffee or two. I’d be too poor for groceries the rest of this month.
My nephew, Zack, and I went to see a movie last week. It was one Zack wanted to see and I had seen the commercial and thought it would be fun. It wasn’t what I had expected at all, very violent. Shocked me and I considered walking out and getting my ticket refunded so I could see something else. But, Zack had wanted to see it and knew it was going to be… what it was. At least I guess he did. He’s 14, an age when they want to see stuff like that. I’m 45, an age when I’d rather think better of the world and it’s peoples.
I’m having a bleh day today. Lacking in ambition and I’m cold. I just turned the heat on in the house. I have it set at 20 C. I don’t know what most people keep their heat set at but 20 is what I got used to over the winter. It was down to 18 C. I wouldn’t think 2 degrees would really make such a difference in how it feels.
I feel like I’m a bitch every time I’m not nice. Not even nasty, or mean or anything like that. Just not nice. The under achievement of niceness.
It’s pretty silly living in my head. I wish I could get out sometimes, just a little vacation would be nice.
Getting back to this personal blog again. Which means I will need to fix it. I have a bunch of broken links from the last time I moved things on my web host. I should also give it a change from the Spring daisy look, considering how much snow there is outside today.
But, today I already have a fairly good work load and don’t feel like doing much other than hiding indoors taking care of myself. I’ve got one of those shingle things again. Making me feel all over yucky and my eye is sore. I really need to get out to deliver paperwork and buy milk at the grocery store. I wish it was a short trip to one spot for both. But no. That would be too nice.
I am trying to think how I can accomplish everything in one place anyway, cheating in a kind of, sort of, way. I could mail the paperwork though it would arrive late. I could skip getting a coffee while I am out (though I have not had a bite of anything all day and I am getting hungry even though I don’t feel like eating). I could just go to the grocery store which is right on the bus route. If I rush the shopping I can meet the bus as it comes back on the next lap of the route and then I don’t need to pay an extra bus fare to get home.
But, it’s cold outside and I’d have to rush into my coat and boots to catch the bus now. Well, really, I have about 15 minutes, give or take due to snow and ice on the roads. So, really I do have enough time to catch the bus. I should stop being such a lemming and get out there and do it. I’m not even standing up yet though.
There are days when having a personal slave sounds like a really good idea.
Garbage is getting picked up today. I didn’t think it would so I didn’t put it out. Not that I have a lot anyway. For Christmas I wasn’t home so all that wrapping isn’t in my recycling bins.
The best Christmas present I got were new warm socks. The kind that have rubber nubbins at the bottom so you can walk around the house with warm feet that don’t slip on the floors. A good thing here with all the hardwood. I also had two boxes of chocolates which I ate while being lazy playing computer games.
My brother may be over later today. I could get a lift to the grocery store to pick up some more milk. I’m almost out of it. But, I need to go out tomorrow anyway so I can always grab some then.
Not much else going on today.
Here I am, soon to be 45 and I can’t decide if I’m a witchy wise woman, a courtesan or a 1600’s era virgin, possible nun. I don’t know if I still blush but I feel self conscious and guilty every time I share my naughty thoughts, ideas and stories. As if that’s not something I should be doing. I would think at this age, after having been married, I would be beyond that. I guess not. Maybe it’s all just part of my charm.
Shampoo build up sucks. It makes me feel grungy even though I just had a shower and shampoo last night. I will have to find a different shampoo. I used to get a lovely citrus one for occasions such as this. I haven’t seen that one for years though. I miss the great smell of it.
I am tired but have a lot to get done. My computer, however, has decided now is a great time to do some fricking scan or update on something. Last time it did this (when I actually let it run on) I was waiting over an hour. Why do they think this is a good idea? Don’t they understand that when I turn on the computer it is for the purpose of doing something with it. Something other than sitting here yelling at it about sucking and being sucking slow.