What Can you Do with the Peekaboo Tie?

This tie (see below) has so much more potential. What little secret would you add to your boy’s tie? Not a pin-up girl. A submissive boy needs a different kind of secret, peekaboo. Use your imagination, make it personal, customized for just your boy.

If you sew, find a tie pattern and make it from scratch. Adds that extra touch when you can pick out the fabric and pattern too.

My ideas for inside the tie include:

  • miniature handcuffs (very small and not likely to cause a rip in the tie fabric)
  • a fabric blindfold, carefully folded flat but easy to pull out for use later
  • a special note (love note, instructions, reminders, helpful suggestions, etc.)
  • a photo of yourself, or one of him especially dressed and posed to please you
  • an image of an activity which makes him blush (could be scanned and printed onto fabric, or paper)

What other ideas does this give you?

I like to think of things just a little shocking. Think of him wearing his tie on a windy day. As it flips and twists here and there in the breeze what secrets might it reveal? You might give him a new tie pin (to keep his tie in place) but not right away.

Found on eBay:

A Romantic and Sexy Blindfold

Black and white, silky and sensual for use as a blindfold with your submissive. Not too pretty for a man.
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A lovely soft satin vintage-inspired sleepmask in a light silvery violet with flourishes of brocade-like dark violet flowers. Bordered by black

Source: Satin Bella Adjustable sleep mask Marielle by lovemesugar

Introduction to Light Bondage

How to Dom with Light Bondage

  • Restraints
  • Sensual Deprivation
  • Discipline
  • Safety

Restraints

Restraints are rope, cuffs, etc. Start with something you can easily work with, safely. You want your submissive to be able to get out of the bondage quickly if things suddenly become too intense. Also, you don’t want to start out making a lot of fancy knots then discover you can’t get them all undone again. Any restraint used must be tested before you start using it as bondage.

Restraints don’t have to be physical. Mental bondage is a lovely thing and great for beginners. You have the power to control your submissive – knowing his bondage is not enforced by anything but his own decision to obey. There is more power in a submissive obedient by choice rather than ropes, chains, leather, etc.

Sensual Deprivation

Sensual deprivation is an element of bondage. Blindfolds are less complicated than some methods which include a full hood over the head. Also, a blindfold is simple for beginners to use and experiment with. Don’t take away more than one of the five senses at a time (for a beginner in bondage). Keep it fun rather than making them go from nervous and uncertain to actually being afraid.

Think of sensual deprivation as the element of surprise. Use it to tease and give your submissive less control. Build suspense and anticipation. While using a blindfold, narrate everything you are doing or plan to do. While they are in restraints you have taken away their ability to use their hands. A blindfold limits what they can see so they strain a little to use the senses they have left. Make sure you use as many senses as you can when you deprive them of one, or more.

Discipline

Discipline includes spanking but is not limited to just that. Discipline can be a punishment. Discipline can be a set of rules or standards to be kept by the submissive. There is a lot you can do with discipline as mental and physical bondage.

You may have heard of domestic discipline. Spanking is usually included with this. The submissive is treated like a child or dog being trained. They are expected to perform tasks, mainly house cleaning. They may be expected to wear aprons.

The Gor books by John Norman inspired another branch of kinkiness which follows a strict discipline and set or orders. Lesser known are the books by Sharon Green who wrote a female Dom series set on other planets involving men and women being taken from Earth. I especially like her books myself.

Safety

Safety matters. I’m not making it first on my list but it should always be part of your considerations and planning. Anything you bring into play during your bondage should be tested out and practiced with. You don’t want to struggle with toys, tools or feel incompetent in the heat of the moment when you are both wound up.

Safety includes some time afterwards, to wind down, get feedback and care for your submissive: aftercare. Don’t skip aftercare. This time is good for the submissive to feel cared for, literally. The Dom also needs this time to wind down, release emotions and reconnect with their partner.

What can a Domme Learn from Porn?

What can you use from porn to your own BDSM pleasure with your sub missive man?

Talk to the Camera

Talk about what you’re doing, before and during the time you are doing it. Announce your intentions, but take your time actually doing anything. Anticipation works wonders. Work with sensory deprivation, like a blindfold, to add drama and suspense.

Get into Costume

Dress for it. I don’t mean the standard fetish wear but dress up. Pick something you feel sexy wearing. Tight jeans, reveal a lot of cleavage, silky lingerie, you know what makes you feel good. When you feel sexy you will enjoy everything more and so will he.

Love what you’re Doing

Act like you’re enjoying it. If you aren’t actually enjoying what you are doing then change what you are doing, or how you are doing it. Your sub man wants to feel you want him and sex with him. Even if you won’t be having sex (due to chastity for instance) make him feel wanted.

 

Bondage for your Man

When I noticed this online a picture began to form in my mind. Him wearing a blindfold and gag, struggling (more like squirming) while I tease him. What a great night of teasing that would be. I get a happy, mushy feeling just thinking about it.

You might add something like a spreader bar to his wrists – to keep him from blocking your access behind.
Source: Fetish Fantasy Series Fantasy Strap – Frisky Business Boutique

Beginners Guide for Becoming a Male Submissive

The BDSM experience is different for men and women, in several ways. Women are more careful about meeting men. Women may be looking for romance and affection, a relationship while men really just want sex. Women tend to get pushed into things they really don’t want to do, in order to keep the peace.

I often read people (men) claiming women into Domming are rare. In my experience this is not true. I encounter many women who would enjoy Domming men, if they could find one who meets their needs.

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Being a male submissive may not be what you think it is at all

There are very few men who understand what a Dom woman is looking for, what she actually wants. She does not want to be the Dom you see in pornography. If you are looking for a woman to fulfill all your porno fantasies of what male submission should be… pay for it. Professional sex workers will dress the part and read from whatever script you want, do it your way (as long as safety is considered) and give you what you want as you expect to have it.

Real women who Dom, just because they want to, will want to do things their own way. Real women Doms have their own fantasies, their own desires and plans for play, teasing, romance, seduction, torment and all their own fetishes and kinks. They will want you to please them and that may not include any of the fetishes and kinks you have been fantasizing about.

A real woman may not want a man slobbering on her shoes or expecting to wear her underwear, for instance.  Some women may like the idea of training men to submit while others think they should already be house broken.

Worship and begging may not appeal to her. For myself, both of these are a turn off. The real appeal of having a male submissive is that he be a man, strong, clever, manly and yet my submissive. Retain your dignity and be a male submissive worth having and keeping.

Before you Begin…

Decide if you actually want the reality.

Do you want a woman telling you what to do? Are you willing to be disappointed when she isn’t interested in doing what you want, the way you want it? Will you let her lead or will you try to pressure her into giving you what you want instead?

Do not manipulate your Dom. Yes, it is fun to have the erotic play of teasing, denial, struggling and so on… but it should be sincerely part of the fun and not “topping from the bottom”. Two people sincerely invested in D/s can have a lot of fun, pleasure and explorations. If you top from the bottom (manipulate your Dom) you cheat yourself from ever having the real experience of submitting, serving and discovering the pleasure of being a male submissive in reality.

Also, no Dom woman likes to be manipulated. We get this from almost every so-called male sub on dating sites and etc. It is very discouraging. If you wonder why there are so few women into Domming – this would be the number one reason.

If you can’t let go of your expectations then consider paying for what you want and getting it from a McDomme (paid to do it your way).

What are you really willing to do?

Too many men have a list of fetish and kink ideas but no thoughts about the reality. This is especially a bad idea when it comes to health and safety. There are several things which will sound good on paper or turn you on when you watch a video… but reality is not like that. Reality is messier, reality is less planned and professional, less perfect and reality has accidents and misunderstandings.

Never say you are willing to do anything/ everything. Because you aren’t. No one is – unless it’s make believe and pretend.

Read about the reality of your fetishes and kinks. Instead of watching the porn find someone who really has done it and read about their experience. What went wrong, what didn’t work and how did they learn to do it better or another way. Research the reality. Even if you have no experience you can read the experience of others (just not the porn version).

Consider safety and be practical about it

If you have issues such as allergies, a phobia, dislikes put together a list of these issues. Personally, I don’t like having something close around my neck or mouth because I grew up with asthma. I’m also allergic to animals which limits the places and people I can spend time with to some extent. These are things to be aware of, for yourself and the woman Dom you would like to meet.

Although safety and health are more up to the Dom in a D/s relationship you can’t expect her to know your needs, read your mind or use telepathy to know there is a problem.

Safe words are not that reliable. If there is a real problem, something sudden, you need communication which won’t be forgotten in the moment or confused with something else.  A direct safe word, like stop, is better than trying for some secret code you may not remember when you need it. If you use the safe word for effect rather than actually needing it the play stops anyway. Respect the safe word – it’s not a game.

Communicate and talk about anything you plan to do. Start simple and leave yourself room to back out or change the plan. you may think you want to start with the hard stuff but discover your feelings were far more involved when it was actually happening. It is possible to discover you  have a phobia or intense dislike you didn’t know you had until you tried something. This can be especially true with bondage. Actually being confined is not just as you imagine it to be. Explore and experiment with baby steps and savour the experiences as you go.

Submission is not a gift

Years ago the idea that submission is a gift started in the online BDSM groups. This is not the right attitude. Domination is just as much a gift, if you want to consider either of them a gift at all.

You have chosen to submit and your Dom has chosen to lead you, to control you and to own you (up to a point). She is not likely to want to micro-manage you. Being the Dom is a responsibility. It’s not easy and it is not something to take lightly. People can get hurt physically, mentally and emotionally. Both of you need to communicate to prevent problems. The gift is the relationship itself, when you can find it.

Explore and discover

  • Try blindfolding yourself in your own bed. How does it feel? Does the blindfold itch? Do you feel peaceful?
  • Sit on your hands next time you’re alone watching TV. How long can you keep yourself in this self-bondage? How uncomfortable is it?
  • Sit under a table, let it become your cage. Does the confinement bother you? Do you feel snugly caged or just trapped?
  • Try being naked when you are home alone. With the blinds or curtains closed stand naked in front of the window. Even knowing no one can see you do you get a thrill or can you not even do it at all?
  • Buy a dog collar for yourself. No one has to know you don’t have a dog (or your dog won’t be wearing this one). Wear the collar but wrap it around your wrist the first day (not your neck).
  • Even before you have a Dom you can practice serving her tea. Dress up (she doesn’t want pubic hair in her tea cup), make a plate up with pretty treats and serve tea in a teapot with a fancy teacup and saucer for her.

The reality is much different from the fantasy. Reality isn’t the porn version because it’s not scripted and the people are not actors. However, you can actually be one of the people involved rather than watching and wishing from the sidelines. Just make sure you want the reality, imperfect but not impersonal.

Things Sexually Unadventurous People Should Try

Good luck finding someone sexually unadventurous to try most, if any, of these. No one should be pushing someone into a sexual adventure they don’t want or aren’t ready for.

  • Analingus
  • Vibrators
  • Role play
  • Spanking
  • Positive dirty talk
  • Blindfolds and handcuffs
  • Switching up the location

via – Eating Ass And 6 Other Things Sexually Unadventurous People Should Try In Bed | Thought Catalog.

However, some adventures may be more appealing than others. I’m thinking of quiet adventures, not so much drama and soft lighting.

Of course, don’t start something as if you’re already an expert at it (even if you have done it with someone else, or seen it done). Whether it’s massage, bondage, spanking, or even just plain sex… take time to find out what each of you actually likes. Learn the simple things rather than trying to dive in as if you know what you’re doing and who you are doing it with.

  • Bondage, but don’t actually tie any knots. Just let them hold their own hands together.
  • Teasing and denial. Talk about what you’d like to do, but don’t do anything.
  • Age play with dressing him or her in just regular clothes as if you were dressing a kid.
  • Massage but the one who wants the massage should give the massage first.
  • Tantric sex, but start slow. Sit nude facing away from each other, back touching back. Relax, do nothing.
  • Role play, but just talk about it and look at costumes you might wear when you take the next step.
  • Domination and submission but, speaking only, no touching and no toys/ tools/ accessories.
  • Exhibitionists, go outside, somewhere private. Start with kissing and touching, maybe just sitting close and cuddling.
  • Spanking, but keep it light. Start with patting and see if either of you likes it enough to do more.

I think this is a sensible list for the unadventurous to actually consider. This gives people a chance to find out if they may be adventurous after all.

 

Why the Need for Extreme Fetishes?

I don’t think people need a lot of the extreme sort of fetishes. What it all comes down to is him being at the mercy of my whim, desire, or mood. All a Domme really needs to do is put him at risk in some way and keep him wondering. I have so many scenarios in my mind for play in public, in private, with gadgets or without, using language or total silence, etc. There is so much that can be done with the simplest and most ordinary things. Just sit him in a chair, blindfolded. Whisper about what you might be doing. No way for him to know if I’m doing anything more than checking my email or not…

Men who can’t let go and insist on having a huge list of fetishes and then giving directions and instructions spoil the whole thing. They make it bland and predictable. As the Domme it becomes a role you play, like reading a script. After awhile you’re really just waiting for him to be done so you can go off and check email or something more interesting.

How and in what way do you exert your control?

The question was: How and in what way do you exert your control?

My answer:

The simplest answer is that control is understood. But, that leaves out all the fun and interesting parts.

A D/s relationship is about consent being understood, a given. After that there are the fine points about how far things will go. But, the consent is a given which means I have the power in my hands. I can use tools, words, bondage, mental bondage, etc to confirm, enforce or enjoy having that power but, one of the best things is using whatever I like to enjoy having that power of consent.

I’m fairly creative. I have fun designing scenarios. I like domestic discipline with spanking, collar, leash and teasing and torment. I like the plan of having a sub in bondage, wearing a blindfold and being subject to my whims. Maybe a lot of sensual touches, maybe tickling, maybe the suspense of being ignored awhile. I like elements of Gor too, with a male submissive who has strict rules for behaviour, how to sit, when to sit, what to wear, etc. I love bringing in all sort of elements from BDSM, and other sources of inspiration. I do know that I am not into messy stuff like diapers, pee or poo play.

Control can be exerted with a whisper, a soft touch or the crack of my hand on a bare ass cheek. Control can be exerted from having a sub perform a spelling bee, having a sub lie in the snow while I pose and photograph him, a strict voice (my ten year old niece calls me a dragon because I control the kids with just my voice and the rare swat on the ass).

So the short answer is that control is assumed, but there is far more to it. I would say that a sub who tried to be too disobedient would not work out for me. I like the sub squirming in bondage but if he were bucking my authority the authority would just be gone and so would I. I won’t put up with a sub who thwarts my authority or acts like this is all a game. There are a few rules but there are rules.