FemDom Fashion

The expected FemDom attire is silly. In this photo that leather neck brace and those boots must not be at all comfortable. I’d only wear stuff like that if someone paid me too. Paid in advance!

Fetish wear for women is too often a male fantasy. What would a woman wear, by her own choice? How do women Doms see themselves? If they took out all the male perspective how would Dom women dress?

I wouldn’t wear this. Though I like the idea of the long gloves, even those would be more for theatre, performance art.

There’s something innocent, but also something pure about vintage Femdom pictures. Back in those days being submissive actually meant something. You had to go to a sexshop to buy these magazines and you’d go over the stories and pictures again and again. There weren’t that many professional Mistresses around in those days, so finding and visiting them was a big deal. The…

Source: Vintage Femdom – Femdom Times

Red Flannel Sheet Set

Some women like shoes, not me. I’ve got two pairs of shoes and a pair of boots. I pretty much wear the same footwear all season long. I don’t love shoes. I do love new sheets, bedding and reading a great book in bed.

Today I found red flannel sheets at The Bay (a Canadian department store). I have another flannel set from The Bay and they are excellent. Not the pilly set which I bought (in a great masculine colour at another store). I bet this red set is just as wonderful, soft and thick. I’m really tempted to pull out my magic credit card, I even have a Bay store card which I haven’t used in awhile.

Would you love to fall asleep and wake up in these sheets?

redflannelsheetsSource: Home | Sheets & Pillowcases | Four-Piece Flannel Sheet Set | Hudson’s Bay

Then I found pink or green polka dotted sheets in a cotton blend. Great colours. Very Spring! I know Winter is on the way but… how could you wake up feeling blue if you’re surrounded by pink, lime green an polka dots?!

sheetsgreendots sheetspinkdots

Source: Hudson’s Bay store online.

What Would Women Like in Femdom Art?

I like FemDom art which is geared to the woman, her enjoyment and her feelings. Most FemDom art has a woman watching, on the sidelines or she is performing an act of abuse. In neither of these situations is it really about her and what she wants.

I don’t like the extreme stuff because it doesn’t seem real. Extremes seem geared to his fantasies, not hers. She isn’t really getting anything from what’s going on but it’s all set up for pleasing him. Like a little kid who wants his Mother to watch him play. It’s nice for the kid but kind of boring for the Mother (unless she brings a good book).

I like her to be dressed in ordinary clothes, not fetish costumes with ridiculous high heels she can hardly walk in. Corsets which force her to stand rather than be comfortable. Boots so high she can’t bend her legs. Skirts short enough to show her butt. If she is scantily dressed I don’t feel she is really in charge. It’s all a performance for him. I don’t identify with women dressed up like automations.

I like her to be with a man equal to herself in looks and proportions.  I prefer him to be muscular, strong looking and not sissy or down-trodden. I don’t mind if his expression is a little peeved or disgruntled. I don’t like the adoring look, the overly trusting or begging and needy. It looks sexier if I really feel this was all her idea and he really is at her mercy, being tormented and teased as she likes.

Having said that, I don’t the man to see the victim in the photo or the story. He should be there because he wants this. He may not want or like the torment he endures in the moment, but overall this is what he wants.  The “poor little me” style of photos really annoys me.

I do like where there is some sign of care, sensuality and sexiness (not sex but the feeling of intimacy). A connection between the Domme and sub, a relationship being maintained, versus performance art.

For me the best FemDom art has humour (irony and sarcasm), not too sadistic, but the Domme/ FemDom should be having fun at his expense. I especially like the men in peril theme.

When I find something with just a man in a cage (for instance), his head down, his smooth muscular back the focus of the photo… that’s sexy to me. I can imagine the feel of his skin as I reach my hand through the bars of his cage. That’s the man I want to let out of his cage, tease for awhile more and then make love to.

Almost all BDSM art is produced for a male audience. Heterosexual dominant men are happy to see a lone female in bondage. A male top can imagine that he put her there.

Submissive and masochistic straight guys want to see the female top. A mere male in bondage would bore them. (It wouldn’t me.) An artist works either for the paying customers (so few, I know) and himself.

Source: What Would Women Like in Femdom Art? – Femdom Artists

Pick Your Adventure, Domme Style

My boyfriend has recently told me he’s always wanted a femdom. I keen on doing this for him, but I’m not sure how to go about it. What kind of dirty talk do femdoms use, and would I get him to do anything I want him to do and not things he would want to do for me?

Fake, or not? This is one of those borderline comments. Even if it is comment spam, the question is at least relevant.

First, FemDoms may use a book of instructions but there is no guarantee we will follow them.

That’s the difference between being a FemDom (I prefer Domme) or a paid sex worker. Your rules – your way, mostly. Of course, you don’t set fire to him or anything extreme you may do in a fit of anger and regret later. You also take his wishes into account.

Dirty talk is a fetish. Do you like it? If so, try it out in reality and see if both of you like it. Maybe it sounded, or looked, good in pornography but doesn’t work out so well in actuality. I don’t really like dirty talk. I’d have more fun coming up with punishments for a dirty talker than being a dirty talker. But, I would not encourage dirty talk just for the sake of getting “punishment”.

When I think punishment, it is not in quotation marks. It’s real, it’s not all that pleasant or enjoyable. Punishment does not have to be something awful, painful or extreme. The best punishments are something he doesn’t like, would rather avoid but isn’t allergic to. This is where you need to know your boy, his likes and dislikes. What makes him squirm, twitch or need to be rushed to the hospital?

Secondly, what doesn’t he want to do for you?

Why doesn’t he want to do it? Does he have a good, valid and acceptable reason? Pour yourself a nice glass of wine (or coffee in my case as I don’t care for wine that much). Leave your boy to write out a list of reasons why he won’t do what you want him to do. Ask for at least 50 reasons, or however long it takes for you to enjoy that glass of wine without having to share any.

On the other hand, what do you want him to do?

Have a list of your own, prepare ahead.

  • Learn how to give a manicure and pedicure and then pamper you once he has mastered the skills and bought the right colours of nail polish?
  • Clean kitchen, garage, bathroom and muck out the inside of the oven until it sparkles to your satisfaction?
  • Make dinner (from your menu choices), clean up and then become your chauffeur for a night out with the girls?
  • Be your silent, unmoving, foot stool while you watch the TV shows he usually whines about having to watch with you?
  • Polish and wax your car and perform minor repairs, oil changes, etc?

The list is as endless as you want it to be. If he doesn’t want to do something he needs to give good reasons for it. He isn’t running the show – that’s the point of Dom versus sub. Pleasing him isn’t going to work unless you (the Domme) are pleased as well.

So you need to know what pleases you. It may have nothing to do with sex, fetishes or being kinky. Or, cater his kinky desires to your own needs, wants and desires. If he wants to perform domestic service – give him an apron. If he wants to be humiliated – shine a spotlight on him and you don’t even need to say a word. If he wants to sniff your feet – give him your shoes and boots to clean and polish first (no spit shine!).

Do you want to see him squirm? Do you want to tease him? Then play with him but in your own way. What would be fun for you? Make it last. Torment him. Tease him and keep him guessing. Make sure it doesn’t get monotonous for you though. Toss in a few surprises along the way. Or just end things when you’ve had enough. Choose how things end for him and yourself. Do you want an orgasm? Should he be allowed to have a “happy ending”? You, the Domme, decides.

Sexy Boots for Men

I don’t know why these boots in particular interest me, but they do. Something about them is appealing in a masculine and sexy way.  This boot in particular is expensive, from Jimmy Choo. But, I’ve seen the style before (in other price ranges) and always like it.

sexy boots for men

 

Visit Sex Kitten for my post with shoes for men, with glamour.

Found a Good Post About Fetish Fashion

This is two paragraphs snipped from the original post. It was a good post, quite a bit of history and some new things to learn more about.

High-heeled shoes, so-called “kinky” boots, corsets, lingerie, and garments made of leather or rubber are among the most common clothing fetishes. Sometimes individual clothing fetishes are combined; thus, a black leather corset might be worn with high-heeled boots and long rubber gloves. Fetishes are associated with particular sexual fantasies. Or as Stoller put it: “A fetish is a story masquerading as an object.” In the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, fetish clothing was utilized in secret sexual scenarios; for example, in brothels or the staging of pornographic imagery. Since the 1970s, however, clothing fetishes have played an increasingly important role in fashion and popular culture. As early as the 1960s, the television program The Avengers featured a character, Mrs. Peel, who wore a black leather catsuit that was modeled on an authentic fetish costume. Mrs. Peel’s costume was a precursor of Michelle Pfeiffer’s latex catsuit and mask in the film Batman Returns.

Fetishism moved from the sexual underground into mainstream popular culture via subcultural groups such as punks and leathermen. A youth subculture associated with bands like the Sex Pistols, the punks appropriated fetish clothing as part of their own “style in revolt.” The fashion designer Vivienne Westwood, herself a punk, opened a shop in London called Sex, where she sold bondage trousers, rubber stockings, corsets, and extreme shoes to a clientele divided between real fetishists and young people attracted by the idea of breaking taboos. Westwood herself wore “total S&M as fashion” in the early 1970s, not just in private or at clubs, but on the street, as a way of subverting accepted social values.

Love to Know: Fetish Fashion

How to Act Like a Dominatrix

Dominatrix in ASCII artLooking for a way to make some extra money and think you could take on being a paid Domme? Let’s call it a Dominatrix. That usually seems more like the professional name for someone in the business of providing adult services.

How to Look Like a Dominatrix

There is an expected fashion when you get paid to act the role of Dominatrix.

  • Leather, latex or something designer the colour is most often black and the clothes are tight fitting. Corsets are in fashion.
  • Heels, high heels whether on thigh-high boots or shoes with spike heels, the Dominatrix does not wear comfortable shoes.
  • Accessorize with garter belts, fishnet stockings, a studded collar, long elbow length gloves.
  • Hairstyles are likely pulled back from your face, out of the way and looking strict and severe.
  • Carry the tools of the trade, even if you don’t actually use them. A whip, chains and such make good extras.

How to Act Like a Dominatrix

Be aware of your presentation, how you stand, move and speak. Body language and posture can work in your favour. How you speak and what you say are also important. Be self aware. Study yourself in a mirror to see which poses and facial expressions work best for you.

Act confident and in charge. You aren’t actually in charge because you are playing a role for him. But, you need to give him the feeling that you are in charge and he is not. Confidence is easier to fake when you stand tall have a plan and a road map to follow.

The plan is important. You do not want to find yourself with a client expecting an hour spent serving you but you run out of things to do with him in the first ten minutes. Plan for more activities than you will need. You are also responsible for keeping him (and yourself) safe from harm. You need to know what you are doing. If he wants a fetish or kink you don’t know enough about be honest rather than taking things from pain pleasure to just plain pain. A safe word is not enough. You’re a professional, paid to know what you are doing, or at least make sure your client does not get more than he asked for.

Know your client’s needs and expectations before you begin. Also, know what you will need, tools and experience, to perform for the client. Know how far to go and what a real stop is versus a stop that is just his part of the game. Clients may want to beg you to stop but have you continue on as if you really were teasing, tormenting or torturing for your own amusement.

A Dominatrix does not have sex with her clients. Sex is not part of the performance/ service.

Learn the skills you need. Know how to use a whip before you pull one out and flick it around in the presence of a client. Know how to spank using anything from a hairbrush to your own hand. You are the professional and expected to have the knowledge to perform.

Pay attention to the stereotypes because you will be performing to the standards of your client and he (or she) has very likely built up a scenario based entirely on the stereotypical Dominatrix, kinks and fetishes.

The Train Not Taken

Originally posted: November 17, 2006

He was on the train again. The guy with a shaved head, charcoal grey suit this time and a red silky looking scarf. No hat, he never wore a hat no matter how much it snowed or rained. I always watched him, shy, from my seat. Sometimes he noticed me, sometimes he didn’t.

I hadn’t seen him this past week. One whole week of commuting without seeing him. I had nearly cried on Friday night, thinking he must have moved or changed jobs and I would never have the chance to meet him now. I regretted not doing something, even something really dumb.

But, there he was back again. Same shaved head, same suit and that same smiley face. He was just one of those people who seemed to smile easily. Sometimes he had conversations with the people around his seat. He laughed easily too and it was a laugh that made me smile, even on the hardest days when I felt worn down to a stub of myself.

I had to meet him tonight, finally. I couldn’t let another day pass by. Maybe he had moved and today was one last trip on the old commuter train. My palms were slick and my stomach in knots but I just had to do something this time.

I knew I looked ok, not one of my better days for looks but it wasn’t too bad. Hopefully I didn’t get too wind blown while I was waiting at my stop for the train. I couldn’t quite dare reach up to pat my hair, he might look over at just that moment. Continue reading The Train Not Taken

My Story: One Wet Afternoon

I posted this to Literotica in 2002. They modified it, making the sub 18 in order to make it clear this was an adult story. I disagreed with the change. The man I wrote the story for was actually 36 and making him 18 turned the story into something kind of gross for me. I asked them to not publish the story at all but, Literotica ignored me. So this was the one and only story I posted to the site. I’m surprised that the site seems to be defunct now. Just a collection of old content.

One Wet Afternoon – BDSM – Literotica.com.

One Wet Afternoon

by SpiritoftheNight©

18-year-old Chris was bored. Outside the rain beat down on the sloppy looking snow, melting it all away one flake at a time. The snowman he had made a few days ago looked like a forgotten science experiment. The head had fallen an hour ago, the body was listing to the left, only a shovel held it up. Of course, the whole thing was shrunken and pitted now. Chris thought of people who collected shrunken heads and wondered if anyone ever collected shrunken snowmen. Keeping them would require serious planning. Some sort of a freezer that wouldn’t dry them out, he decided. 

“Chris, did you get out there and shovel the path yet?” His Governess called from the den where she was working on his computer.

“It’s raining. I don’t want to go out.” He called back. Continue reading My Story: One Wet Afternoon

So you Think You’re a FemDom?

For those who are confused… this is not serving her. This is a professional/ paid FemDom at work.

How can you tell? For one thing, the biggest thing… how is this serving HER? She’s wearing uncomfortable boots, her butt is hanging out and she’s spending her time standing over him doing nothing when she could be enjoying a nice coffee and a good book.

This is so not right. When will they ever get it?

I would have a man drink from a doggie bowl on the floor. But, it would be his own personal doggie bowl. It would not be shared with any other animal. I would not be standing over him, uncomfortable. I might wear boots, but I have a great pair of winter boots that I actually do  like to wear. I’d wear whatever I happened to be wearing that day. If I wanted to change it would not be something showing my ass. How dignified is that?

I’d likely have him make coffee for me before he stripped down. You don’t really want a naked man in the kitchen. Probably violates health codes of some kind. I’d pull over a chair at the very least. Actually, you wouldn’t need to stand over him, just move him to where you want to be sitting. Bring along a long handled object, like a broom, you can use to prod him with if he slacks off or slows down in his task.

Most of all, this should not be about you (the FemDom/ Domme) standing there like a paid escort or call girl. He says he wants to serve you, so make sure he does. When he finishes his water bowl he can load up the dishwasher, hand wash the pots and pans and then take out the trash. Any other chores he can do for you? He should be the one to ask. If you have to remind him… well, if you’re holding a whip or have a spanking implement you might as well get some use out of it. At your own discretion of course, you don’t use a whip if you don’t know what you are doing with it.

Don’t spend time on punishing him with a spanking if that isn’t what you want to do. Instead, let him serve you. Did watching him lick clean the doggie bowl turn you on? Then (if his mouth suits you) let him lick you next. This is one more reason to just have water in the doggie bowl, that way you do know a bit about where that tongue has been lately.

Later, he can finish the night by turning the radio on and locking up the house before he lies down on the rug in the bedroom like a good doggie.