Retro Internet: The 1500 Point Purity Test

Long ago, in the days of the Internet surfing highway, there was a purity test with over 1000 questions. I found a copy of it. Posted for your viewing (or take the test) pleasure.

THE UNISEX PURITY TEST

If you thought the millenial purity test was bad, well you ain’t see
nuttin’ yet!

This is the 1500 point Purity Test!

We felt that the 1000 point version lost a lot of the “fun” of the
earlier versions, so we re-wrote it, adding a few new sections, and
a shitload of questions. This test is guaranteed to be nosier that
your parents, more invasive than the census, and containing something
to offend everybody.

Also included is an answer form so that you can remember where in the
test you were, or show to a friend.

Continue reading Retro Internet: The 1500 Point Purity Test

Canadian Taxes

Reposted from an email:

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid.

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Gasoline Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
Hydro Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Provincial Income and sales tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal Tax
Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 60 years ago & our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle class, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What in “Hell” happened? Can you spell ‘politicians?’
I hope this goes around CANADA at least 100 times.
YOU can help it get there.
GO AHEAD – – – be a CANADIAN !!!

The Train Not Taken

Originally posted: November 17, 2006

He was on the train again. The guy with a shaved head, charcoal grey suit this time and a red silky looking scarf. No hat, he never wore a hat no matter how much it snowed or rained. I always watched him, shy, from my seat. Sometimes he noticed me, sometimes he didn’t.

I hadn’t seen him this past week. One whole week of commuting without seeing him. I had nearly cried on Friday night, thinking he must have moved or changed jobs and I would never have the chance to meet him now. I regretted not doing something, even something really dumb.

But, there he was back again. Same shaved head, same suit and that same smiley face. He was just one of those people who seemed to smile easily. Sometimes he had conversations with the people around his seat. He laughed easily too and it was a laugh that made me smile, even on the hardest days when I felt worn down to a stub of myself.

I had to meet him tonight, finally. I couldn’t let another day pass by. Maybe he had moved and today was one last trip on the old commuter train. My palms were slick and my stomach in knots but I just had to do something this time.

I knew I looked ok, not one of my better days for looks but it wasn’t too bad. Hopefully I didn’t get too wind blown while I was waiting at my stop for the train. I couldn’t quite dare reach up to pat my hair, he might look over at just that moment. Continue reading The Train Not Taken

My First Divorce

Originally posted to Sex Kitten (2003 – 2004)

That was when she looked at websites about disposing of bodies. Not that he was quite a body, he was still breathing after all. But… she was only curious really.

His head was heavier than expected, kind of like a really big cabbage she’d once cooked for making cabbage rolls. She had a hard time fitting it into the pot, the cabbage, not his head. Although, cooking him was an alternative under consideration.

What do you do with an extra husband after all? Once the marriage was over, he became kind of disposable, like an extra toaster after the wedding. You could always give it away, but somehow that seemed so small minded. Why saddle someone else with your spare toaster? Even more so with a used toaster, one you had cleaned up after, slept with and all that other labour and time not so well spent. Maybe, it was really more like having a sixth finger than an extra toaster. Imagine how awkward that sixth finger would be? Holding a pen would be like a wrestling match and typing would be, well… interesting. Continue reading My First Divorce

Decorate Cookies for Day of the Dead

dodcookieMy sister would love these. She decorated her whole face as a skull last year for The Day of the Dead (El Dia de los Muertos). They actually call it the sugar skull. You have probably seen it somewhere by now.

The Day of the Dead is not about Halloween or zombie movies. It is a real event in Mexico, a long time tradition.

Día de Muertos (Day of the Dead) is a Mexican holiday celebrated October 31, November 1st and November 2nd in connection with the Christian days for All Hallows Eve, All Saint’s Day and All Soul’s Day.

Family gather to remember and pray for deceased friends and family members. Traditions include building private altars to honour the deceased. The altars are decorated with sugar skulls, flowers and the favourite food and drink of the departed family and friends. Gifts and/or possession of the dead are left on graves. The living will spend the day (and possibly the evening) at the grave. They pack food and have a picnic in the cemetery.

Day of the Dead is not a grim holiday. Other cultures may not understand that this is a family holiday, a day of remembering and giving thanks for the people who have been important and valued in our lives. Pagans have a very similar holiday, Samhain, which is also based on remembering the past and celebrating the harvest in the present. In North America we call this Halloween, but it has lost most of the original meaning behind the holiday.

I Like Taking Myself to Bed

This is my contribution to #AdultSexEdMonth. This is personal and does contain mentions of taboo sexual fetishes and kinks. I don’t apologize for the contents of my sexual fantasies. 

I have a problem with sex. The problem happens when I involve anyone else with my enjoyment of sex. Masturbation is divine. You won’t catch me saying that to anyone, in person. But, masturbation is fully under my control, there is no feedback from cheap seats and I can do whatever I want to myself because I know what I like and how I like it. I explore self pleasuring – I’ve been doing it for a few decades and I’m just getting better at it all the time.

Why does sex have to be about more than one person? I think most people consider self pleasure to still be a selfish act. Or, something for only the lonely.

In actual fact, the best sex I have ever had (except for one very special situation) has been when I was alone in the room. Alone in the building even. In my thoughts I am sometimes alone on the planet even but for my trusty sex bot, or some weird space alien, or other creature from my imagination or readings of other people’s erotica. I do love a good story.

In my sexual fantasies nothing is taboo. I can masturbate my way to orgasm with fantasies of being abducted, alien men with extreme and unusually shaped cocks, age play (based on my own experience of being molested in a movie theatre – which does seem strange to me but nevertheless), sex with animals (the only time I like being near a dog) or anything else wild, dangerous and among the things I would never do in reality and would not even discuss or admit to anyone who knows me.

Having a great imagination and making use of it for your own pleasure does not make you a sexual deviant, it may make you a sexual oddity. But there is nothing law breaking about dreaming up assorted sexual situations while you lie in bed, sit at your desk or in the car… and give yourself a great orgasm.

I have learned to be quiet and fairly quick about it. I almost had my first orgasm when I was about 10. The sensations freaked me out so I stopped at the beginning of the build up. I had no idea why my body was reacting the way it was then. I hadn’t read anything about sex. Parents and sexual education in school didn’t talk about women having orgasms, how your body could flush with pleasure and then burst, all without breaking anything.

In those days I had fantasies about being looked after by a TV doctor, Dr. Kildare for those old enough to know or curious enough to look it up. Richard Chamberlain was the actor. I know this fantasy was based on my issues with my Father. I wanted that caring Daddy who would wrap me up in cotton balls, kiss me gently and make me feel good. I didn’t know about sex toys and had none. I used to bring things to bed with me and use them to play with myself. I won’t go into the assortment but, pens and pencils became my favourite bedtime pastime. Twirling a pencil over my clitoris was a good sensation.

My first orgasm came not from any understanding or knowledge about what I was doing. It was just an accident, on purpose. I was curious about the build up of sensations and finally became curious enough to keep going and see what happened next. I was a little frightened, maybe more than a little. Still, some part of my brain must have known it wasn’t unnatural, in spite of how unusual it seemed. After that first orgasm many more were to follow. By the time I was in my later twenties I was enjoying an orgasm daily. By myself.

I was a virgin, technically, until I was in my early thirties. That was the sex I mentioned earlier. We were both virgins, both the same age and both social misfits. We had been friends for years before sex came into it. We are friends again since the divorce too. So I am one of those old fashioned types who married the first man she slept with. By the way, having sex as a virgin, with a virgin was phenomenal. I doubt it would have been that amazing if we had both been younger. Without having the experience yourself I don’t think you can really ever know what it is like to have your body worshipped.

Anyway, back to the masturbation.

Masturbation can be done with nothing at all, this makes it very portable, mobile even. Sometimes I do like the feeling of something else touching me, something that does not return the feeling which I get from using my own fingers. I used to use the pencils and pens but I have since graduated to a vibrator. I don’t use batteries in it. For one thing, the noise is distracting and for another, I don’t need it to jump or shimmy or vibrate. I like it to penetrate me – but only the odd time. Mostly I like the vibrator (it’s a soft one, not hard plastic) to rub over my clitoris and push just inside the inner lips of my vagina.  I’ve read that vagina only has sensation, the ability to feel, for the first few inches. I have found it to be true. Although I can enjoy the fantasy of being penetrated by something huge, in fact, I enjoy the dip more than the fill up.

Our culture has so many taboos about women and sex, masturbation and virginity and there I was right in the cross-hairs of all three.  I haven’t slept around since the divorce and the marriage itself was light on the sex. But, I don’t feel deprived, anxious or abnormal. I love the orgasms I give myself. Men just seem to mess it all up.

My last actual boyfriend talked so much about how much sex we would have and then… he changed his mind. It ended up with me masturbating him and getting very little back from him. That just isn’t going to work out for me. It was ok for awhile but cock sucking is a double edged thing. I heard my brother and his friends call each other cock suckers and they didn’t mean it like it was a good thing. So, how can men expect women to become cock suckers if being a cock sucker is a bad thing? You can’t have it both ways. So, cock sucking makes me feel dirty, used and angry too.

So, sex with men has not really panned out for me. Men don’t really seem to get it. For one thing they focus on their own needs and when it comes to a woman they think of boobs and pussy, if that much. I want a man who knows I have a body, who discovers how aroused I can get by having my back stroked, lightly scratched and rubbed. I want a man who pats my bum and slips his finger into my pussy from behind. I want a man to explore sensual kinkiness and fetishes with me. I want a man who is masculine and knows what he wants but likes to have a woman in charge sexually. I want a man I can tie up, put in a cage and tease and torment and then laugh at him while he squirms. I want a man who can be a partner in my sexual fantasies and then add his own twist, or take over and become the Daddy who takes care of me but coaxes me to do bad things, naughty things…

I haven’t found that man. I think he might be available in years to come. Ordered online and shipped in a crate. I’d like mine to have a wind up key and an off button. It would be nice if he can also shrink in size for some of my fantasies about little men, like the tiny people from Gulliver’s Travels. I won’t go into details, just leave that for your own kinky, sensual imagination the next time you have some time to yourself and let your fingers do the walking.

Masturbation is very relaxing in the evening when you can’t sleep. (Just in case you didn’t already know).

Sex in a Public Place?

On a survey they asked: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

I wrote:

In front of the huge balcony window which is on the second level of the building, facing the main street in town. It’s such a great sunny window in the apartment. Sometimes we would lie on the floor together there, nude or scantily clad, in the sunny window. I know people could see in, if they happened to look.

I don’t get a thrill from being seen or being exposed but I do like the feeling of doing something a little bad. In the evening, with just dim lighting in the apartment I like to flash my boobs at him, knowing someone could be seeing me on the street but mostly I like how he reacts and gets embarrassed or tells me someone will see me. I’m really straight laced, a good girl type. It’s funny how aroused I get from my little sexual misdeeds.

Is it Easy to Forgive and Forget?

asciifenceYou need to have a reason to forgive someone before you can start to change your feelings, to forgive them. It doesn’t happen just because someone asks to be forgiven. Sometimes just wanting to keep someone in your life in even a small way, is motivation to begin to forgive them. But, a relationship based on one person constantly forgiving someone just to keep them around is a really poor relationship to be in.

I don’t think anyone should be pressured to forgive. Some actions taken and words spoken can not ever be undone or forgotten. I’m careful about giving forgiveness I don’t genuinely feel. In this way I have also become someone who does forgive easily. Maybe that seems backwards but not every least thing is worth hanging onto. We are human, we make mistakes and some of them are pretty small and stupid. If you are going to hang onto hurt feelings it should be over something that actually matters. Not a case of holding onto your feelings because you are bitter but a case of not being able to get over your feelings because they just run too deeply and the hurt reaches into your heart and soul.

Forgiveness isn’t a one way street. The person has to ask to be forgiven, show some remorse/ regret, before the relationship can begin to change.

Some people don’t ask. They feel guilty or think they didn’t really do anything wrong or just aren’t interested in what the aftermath of their actions/ words will be. People think asking for forgiveness is too hard. They would have to make some effort, put themselves at risk, and possibly face rejection. However, how can anyone think to be forgiven if they take no steps at all to make amends?

It’s hard to feel you are the only person in the relationship, the only one trying to make it work. In the end, that just doesn’t work. I don’t think you ever really can forgive someone who doesn’t place value on being forgiven by you. I don’t mean they need to grovel or beg, nothing drastic or dramatic. I do mean, they should at least want to be forgiven and communicate that in some way. (Communication also being a two way street – it has to be given and understood).

They say it is easier to be the one who is doing the forgiving than to be the one asking for forgiveness. I don’t agree. It is much harder to be hurt and then heal from it. The person who hurt you may not care or may not know the extent of the hurt given and become annoyed because you don’t just let it go. I don’t think we should just let go of everything. There should be standards for living just as there are building codes in construction. Having a guide to the standards is what gives buildings their structure, keeps them from being unsafe. It should be the same in personal relationships. No one should be expected to forgive and if we can’t fully forgive that should not be made light of or used to make us feel guilty or less of a person.

Nine Steps to Forgiveness

  1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened.
  2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better.
  3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action.
  4. Get the right perspective on what is happening.
  5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique.
  6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you.
  7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met.
  8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge.
  9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

Read the full list on Forgive for Good. (This is an edited bare bones version, the site has a lot more).

Thoughts About Forgiveness

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Catherine Ponder

“You can’t undo anything you’ve already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.” – unknown

“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.” – Grace Hopper

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boese

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” – Norman Cousins

“What we forgive too freely doesn’t stay forgiven.” – Mignon McLaughlin

“Without forgiveness life is governed by… an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” – Roberto Assagioli

Continuing My Obsession to Know Everything…

HubPages has a lot of good posts about Toronto and area history, with photos. Here are links for you to follow, if you dare share the obsession.

The Gooderham Family

Fort York

Canadian Bank of Commerce Building, 1905

Campbell House

Dominion Public Building

Riverdale Farm

Central Technical School

Cornell House

Vaughan’s Belltower Landmark

Zion Schoolhouse

Post Hill House, Ajax

Ashbridge’s Estate

‘In the Way of Progress’ Mural

Thomas Foster Memorial, Uxbridge

Gibson House

Castle Frank

Alexander Muir Mural 

Spooner’s Garage Mural

York Memorial Collegiate 

1845 Commercial Bank Building

Confederation Life Building

The Don River

McCowan Log House

Pioneer Memorial Cairn, Pickering

St. Augustine’s Seminary, Scarborough

Sir Adam Beck Statue

Massey Hall

Union Station

Cathedral of Methodism

St. Lawrence Hall and the Canadian Bank of Commerce Building

Parliament, Queen’s Park

Casa Loma

Casa Loma and Henry Pellatt

Toronto Brick Works

Toronto Harbour Commission Building

Gladstone Hotel

Edwards Gardens

Davenport Church

Scarborough Rifle Co. Mural

University Club of Toronto Building

Native American Nations in Ontario