Necklace for a Domme

This is the ideal accessory for those occasions you want to make a statement when fetish wear is not acceptable. The people you want to know your kinky ways will figure it out. Most of the others will just wonder if they even notice the little caged man at all.
littlemencagedSource: silver bird cage necklace with tiny business man by StudioMETHODE

Giant Glass Jar Bondage

Much like the man in a cage, the man in a bottle is also a nice bondage fetish. The bottle can be a giant bottle or the man could be a little, miniaturized man in a regular sized bottle. I prefer the little man in a bottle because you could just slip him in your pocket or purse.
maninbottle1

Source: Celia Cueto Morillo

maninbottle2

Source: Deviant Art: Sagitarii

woman-in-a-bottle-bondage
Source: Giant Glass Jar Bondage – Fetish Artists

#DommeGirlProblems 

I was reading @Slutty Girl Problems on Twitter and thought… What about #DommeGirlProblems? So I’m starting with a few ideas to see where it goes.

  • I left him gagged an extra hour while I read a chapter of my book. Shouldn’t I feel guilty? #DommeGirlProblems
  • Man drool on the new shoes I let him buy me! #DommeGirlProblems
  • This time I really did lose the key… can I just pretend I’m faking it again? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I’m too tired to spank him tonight. Why can’t he just spank himself? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I have to go home early… I left my husband in his cage. #DommeGirlProblems
  • People don’t understand, it’s not about sex, it’s about power. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Men ask and beg to serve me then tell me what they want me to do for them. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Coming up with punishment ideas he actually won’t enjoy. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Trying fetishes and kinky ideas to please him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being expected to perform to his schedule because he wants to serve me. #DommeGirlProblems
  • High heels, tight clothes and toys are expensive and not what I really want. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Really cleaning up after his idea of cleaning for his pleasure. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being thought cruel by others and being told I’m not cruel enough by him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Playing along, performing, finishing the scene long after I’ve lost any real interest in what I’m doing. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being told I didn’t do it all like a real FemDom as seen in porn online. #DommeGirlProblems

 

Built In Cage

Source: Bernard Montorgueil Gallery Three

A built in cage is a great idea. He could have it at the entrance to his “man cave”. How long could you keep him in there with nothing? Maybe I’d find something for him to do… something useful. He’d be safe from distractions and not bothering me if I wanted to just keep him busy.

 

Another look at the built in cage. I’d rather have him cuffed and facing away from me. That way he couldn’t see what I was doing.

Keeping him Caged

Note: This is an illustration, a fantasy not something actually done. Sure it’s fun to think about doing things like this. But, they work better as a fantasy, or a teasing threat. Don’t leave someone standing, locked up, over night without being awake yourself to check on them.

Slave husband spends all night locked in a genital stock forced to stand next to wife’s bed while she sleeps.

Source: He Suffers While Mistress Sleeps – Femdomonomy

What Would Women Like in Femdom Art?

I like FemDom art which is geared to the woman, her enjoyment and her feelings. Most FemDom art has a woman watching, on the sidelines or she is performing an act of abuse. In neither of these situations is it really about her and what she wants.

I don’t like the extreme stuff because it doesn’t seem real. Extremes seem geared to his fantasies, not hers. She isn’t really getting anything from what’s going on but it’s all set up for pleasing him. Like a little kid who wants his Mother to watch him play. It’s nice for the kid but kind of boring for the Mother (unless she brings a good book).

I like her to be dressed in ordinary clothes, not fetish costumes with ridiculous high heels she can hardly walk in. Corsets which force her to stand rather than be comfortable. Boots so high she can’t bend her legs. Skirts short enough to show her butt. If she is scantily dressed I don’t feel she is really in charge. It’s all a performance for him. I don’t identify with women dressed up like automations.

I like her to be with a man equal to herself in looks and proportions.  I prefer him to be muscular, strong looking and not sissy or down-trodden. I don’t mind if his expression is a little peeved or disgruntled. I don’t like the adoring look, the overly trusting or begging and needy. It looks sexier if I really feel this was all her idea and he really is at her mercy, being tormented and teased as she likes.

Having said that, I don’t the man to see the victim in the photo or the story. He should be there because he wants this. He may not want or like the torment he endures in the moment, but overall this is what he wants.  The “poor little me” style of photos really annoys me.

I do like where there is some sign of care, sensuality and sexiness (not sex but the feeling of intimacy). A connection between the Domme and sub, a relationship being maintained, versus performance art.

For me the best FemDom art has humour (irony and sarcasm), not too sadistic, but the Domme/ FemDom should be having fun at his expense. I especially like the men in peril theme.

When I find something with just a man in a cage (for instance), his head down, his smooth muscular back the focus of the photo… that’s sexy to me. I can imagine the feel of his skin as I reach my hand through the bars of his cage. That’s the man I want to let out of his cage, tease for awhile more and then make love to.

Almost all BDSM art is produced for a male audience. Heterosexual dominant men are happy to see a lone female in bondage. A male top can imagine that he put her there.

Submissive and masochistic straight guys want to see the female top. A mere male in bondage would bore them. (It wouldn’t me.) An artist works either for the paying customers (so few, I know) and himself.

Source: What Would Women Like in Femdom Art? – Femdom Artists

Beginners Guide for Becoming a Male Submissive

The BDSM experience is different for men and women, in several ways. Women are more careful about meeting men. Women may be looking for romance and affection, a relationship while men really just want sex. Women tend to get pushed into things they really don’t want to do, in order to keep the peace.

I often read people (men) claiming women into Domming are rare. In my experience this is not true. I encounter many women who would enjoy Domming men, if they could find one who meets their needs.

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Being a male submissive may not be what you think it is at all

There are very few men who understand what a Dom woman is looking for, what she actually wants. She does not want to be the Dom you see in pornography. If you are looking for a woman to fulfill all your porno fantasies of what male submission should be… pay for it. Professional sex workers will dress the part and read from whatever script you want, do it your way (as long as safety is considered) and give you what you want as you expect to have it.

Real women who Dom, just because they want to, will want to do things their own way. Real women Doms have their own fantasies, their own desires and plans for play, teasing, romance, seduction, torment and all their own fetishes and kinks. They will want you to please them and that may not include any of the fetishes and kinks you have been fantasizing about.

A real woman may not want a man slobbering on her shoes or expecting to wear her underwear, for instance.  Some women may like the idea of training men to submit while others think they should already be house broken.

Worship and begging may not appeal to her. For myself, both of these are a turn off. The real appeal of having a male submissive is that he be a man, strong, clever, manly and yet my submissive. Retain your dignity and be a male submissive worth having and keeping.

Before you Begin…

Decide if you actually want the reality.

Do you want a woman telling you what to do? Are you willing to be disappointed when she isn’t interested in doing what you want, the way you want it? Will you let her lead or will you try to pressure her into giving you what you want instead?

Do not manipulate your Dom. Yes, it is fun to have the erotic play of teasing, denial, struggling and so on… but it should be sincerely part of the fun and not “topping from the bottom”. Two people sincerely invested in D/s can have a lot of fun, pleasure and explorations. If you top from the bottom (manipulate your Dom) you cheat yourself from ever having the real experience of submitting, serving and discovering the pleasure of being a male submissive in reality.

Also, no Dom woman likes to be manipulated. We get this from almost every so-called male sub on dating sites and etc. It is very discouraging. If you wonder why there are so few women into Domming – this would be the number one reason.

If you can’t let go of your expectations then consider paying for what you want and getting it from a McDomme (paid to do it your way).

What are you really willing to do?

Too many men have a list of fetish and kink ideas but no thoughts about the reality. This is especially a bad idea when it comes to health and safety. There are several things which will sound good on paper or turn you on when you watch a video… but reality is not like that. Reality is messier, reality is less planned and professional, less perfect and reality has accidents and misunderstandings.

Never say you are willing to do anything/ everything. Because you aren’t. No one is – unless it’s make believe and pretend.

Read about the reality of your fetishes and kinks. Instead of watching the porn find someone who really has done it and read about their experience. What went wrong, what didn’t work and how did they learn to do it better or another way. Research the reality. Even if you have no experience you can read the experience of others (just not the porn version).

Consider safety and be practical about it

If you have issues such as allergies, a phobia, dislikes put together a list of these issues. Personally, I don’t like having something close around my neck or mouth because I grew up with asthma. I’m also allergic to animals which limits the places and people I can spend time with to some extent. These are things to be aware of, for yourself and the woman Dom you would like to meet.

Although safety and health are more up to the Dom in a D/s relationship you can’t expect her to know your needs, read your mind or use telepathy to know there is a problem.

Safe words are not that reliable. If there is a real problem, something sudden, you need communication which won’t be forgotten in the moment or confused with something else.  A direct safe word, like stop, is better than trying for some secret code you may not remember when you need it. If you use the safe word for effect rather than actually needing it the play stops anyway. Respect the safe word – it’s not a game.

Communicate and talk about anything you plan to do. Start simple and leave yourself room to back out or change the plan. you may think you want to start with the hard stuff but discover your feelings were far more involved when it was actually happening. It is possible to discover you  have a phobia or intense dislike you didn’t know you had until you tried something. This can be especially true with bondage. Actually being confined is not just as you imagine it to be. Explore and experiment with baby steps and savour the experiences as you go.

Submission is not a gift

Years ago the idea that submission is a gift started in the online BDSM groups. This is not the right attitude. Domination is just as much a gift, if you want to consider either of them a gift at all.

You have chosen to submit and your Dom has chosen to lead you, to control you and to own you (up to a point). She is not likely to want to micro-manage you. Being the Dom is a responsibility. It’s not easy and it is not something to take lightly. People can get hurt physically, mentally and emotionally. Both of you need to communicate to prevent problems. The gift is the relationship itself, when you can find it.

Explore and discover

  • Try blindfolding yourself in your own bed. How does it feel? Does the blindfold itch? Do you feel peaceful?
  • Sit on your hands next time you’re alone watching TV. How long can you keep yourself in this self-bondage? How uncomfortable is it?
  • Sit under a table, let it become your cage. Does the confinement bother you? Do you feel snugly caged or just trapped?
  • Try being naked when you are home alone. With the blinds or curtains closed stand naked in front of the window. Even knowing no one can see you do you get a thrill or can you not even do it at all?
  • Buy a dog collar for yourself. No one has to know you don’t have a dog (or your dog won’t be wearing this one). Wear the collar but wrap it around your wrist the first day (not your neck).
  • Even before you have a Dom you can practice serving her tea. Dress up (she doesn’t want pubic hair in her tea cup), make a plate up with pretty treats and serve tea in a teapot with a fancy teacup and saucer for her.

The reality is much different from the fantasy. Reality isn’t the porn version because it’s not scripted and the people are not actors. However, you can actually be one of the people involved rather than watching and wishing from the sidelines. Just make sure you want the reality, imperfect but not impersonal.

You Know You’re in Canada When…. Sledge Hockey

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The brochure does not mention disabled children, so I’m guessing that would be possible but not a requirement. There are two age groups and it begins in October. Mandatory equipment: helmet with a cage, gloves and additional padding. Sleds and sticks will be provided. The group is looking for sponsors.