Short Burst of Running Away

I ran away today, just drove awhile without a real destination (or reliable window wipers should it start to rain). I ended up in a tiny town called Hockley Valley. I only stopped cause there were three things in a row that perked my curiousity. An art gallery just re-opened by Laura Berry (I’m a Laura), a really cute/ country looking grocery store and lastly a huge winding hill dead ahead on the road.

I wanted to drive that hill, knowing the car would have its little protest. But, first I backtracked for the art and groceries. I ended up buying her calendars (2004 was being given away for a few bucks and I needed something for 2005). She turns out to be just a bit older than I am and from Scarborough originally, same as me. Kind of a strange co-incedence. I liked her art, the colours and watercolours of old houses. She really has a knack for drawing anything wooden, brick wasn’t as good.

I read her bio. She has an ideal life which was kind of depressing. Married to a firefighter (usually strong, cheery, easy going kind of guys), living in a cutely renovated old house, 3 kids, making a career out of her art/ passion. I wasn’t feeling a lot better when I left the gallery but it did seem that I was supposed to be there today. Too much of a co-incedence otherwise. It’s not like I get a lot of days to just go driving around and today was her grand opening.

The grocery store was only cute on the outside. Inside it was pricey and one of those places you just know are grabbing tourist bucks and laughing to the bank. I bought a fancy jar of ginger & lime jam for my Mom. I got a coffee but it wasn’t hot enough and seemed to be the end of the pot as my cup wasn’t really full yet the coffee stopped pouring out. Have you ever had the pot do some kind of coffee fart into your cup? I wasn’t amused. But I drank it, with too much cream even.

I drove home, not taking that big hill. Thinking too much. Now, I’m here. Back where I started cause no matter how fast you are, you can never run from yourself.

Not Much News

My coffee is getting cold. I’m tired but I don’t want to go to bed. I had a short day at work which was nice though not profitable as far as paying bills and all those nice juicy things. Still, it was nice to get out of there without spending the whole day there.

Still no news from my Mom about her place in Fort Myers. I hope things were better than they were expecting. I forget which day she was planning to be back. It’s a bit lonely here alone but nice too. No one else to live with can be a plus and a minus. Really, I think I just miss having someone here when I come in from work. Most of the time I am fine on my own and stick the radio on for some extra noise. It’s on now but drowned out by my typing.

HBCU and Coffee

I should be doing a course for work online this morning but I’m too tired. I’m even too tired to go down and make breakfast, but I’m hungry so eventually I will.

Don’t you find it annoying when personal sites and blogs try to make you download something just to view their page. I never do it. Just move along to another site.

Well, coffee would be nice. I had a French Vanilla coffee from The Second Cup yesterday but it tasted just the same as Columbian or any of those strongish non-flavoured beans coffees. I was really disappointed. So rare that they brew French Vanilla and then it wasn’t even that nice smooth coffee I know and like.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

My passport photo is one of the most remarkable photographs I have ever seen — no retouching, no shadows, no flattery — just stark me.

I believe that what a woman resents is not so much giving herself in pieces as giving herself purposelessly.

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach.

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

I feel we are all islands — in a common sea.

By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.

The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.

Liar liar Pants on Fire

People lie. Why we don’t always know but we do know that people lie. Frequently.Some lies are between friends, to keep things running smoothly and make people happy. The gentle lies that tell a friend she looks great even though that dress is a bit too clingy or too yellow. Most lies are selfish though. You want something so you lie to get it. Kind of rude in a way. Also, do you really have it if you couldn’t get it on your own merits? Think about that one.

I’m feeling kind of discouraged today. I’m going to the bookstore and have a fancy coffee and forget about people for awhile.

I’m a Free Agent Again

The Amazing Disposable Woman did it again. But, this time I’m still breathing. I thought getting tossed out again would be more than I could live through. But, I’m actually starting to be ok just hours later. I’ve thought about it you see. I’ve learned and I’ve improved on my comphrension. In short, I picked wrong again.

You can’t be in a relationship by yourself. You can’t have a relationship with someone on paper or in a digital/ cyber version only. If someone who hasn’t met you says he loves you, realize it’s not based on anything concrete. Likely, he’s putting you in some reserve file to be analyzed, inspected and perhaps acted upon in the far future. Like a time capsule. He doesn’t really want you to be a part of his life in the here and now.

Also, any guy that doesn’t send real birthday cards isn’t going out of his way to include you in his life in other ways. If you get something physical then you can rely on getting more physical. Romance isn’t a story book to be read on paper, taken out and dusted off when it’s convenient. It’s in the here and now and it’s messy sometimes. At times it’s gushy and mushy and really inconvenient. But, it’s there, physically there.

Watch for guys who want a ‘partnership’ and then start laying out the rules. You should be in there somewhere, your rules. If you’re not then it’s not a partnership. If all the rules are his there isn’t any space for you.

So, more lessons learned. As if I wasn’t already perfect enough.

I’m Ok! I’m really going to be ok. I’m so surprised and glad. At first I thought I’d just curl up and die. But, here I am. Typing and everything. I might even go make fresh coffee and have a really great orgasm before bed. I’m free and I’m just fine! I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

Cradle Robber Baroness

Age is just a number… ever hear that one? Sure you have. But, when a 17 year old boy becomes interested in you (yes in THAT way) age is a lot more than a number.

I’m only the smallest bit flattered. I don’t think he likes me cause I’m especially hot I think he likes me cause I’m not some awkward 16 year old girl and too self involved to chat with an awkward, sort of shy 17 year old boy. The only way that flatters me is that I’m chatty, in a nice way.

I can’t date this boy. Yes, I admit I allowed myself a fantasy or two, just for fun. But the reality is that I’m more than 20 years older than he is. That’s a lot of life lived. When you’re that young you think you know everything, can understand everything. But, baby, I’ve lived it and it’s a lot different 20 years later.

So, I won’t date the 17 year old boy. I’m not sure going out for a coffee after work is ok. But, I’ve done that with other people from work.

The funny thing is that I wouldn’t have thought twice about should I or shouldn’t I except for a 21 year old woman at work who thinks the boy and I would be really good for each other and we look really cute together. That doesn’t make a relationship. I have a feeling also, that a 17 year old boy can’t even imagine the kind of relationship that I’m looking for. It’s out of his scope. Just like me.

Cricket Sucking

I was going to write but I think I’d rather play a game until I have to go to bed. Working in the morning and Mom wants to make a big Sunday breakfast.

I sucked up a cricket tonight. It was chirping madly all night last night, it resisted all my efforts to trap it in a coffee cup and then let it free outside. So, tonight out of desperation I have sucked it up with the vacuum. Poor cricket, but it was in the wrong place and had used up all his lives. Do crickets get more than one?

Got the EAD in Chicago

Got the EAD in Chicago
6/15/01 11:40 am

Todd and I had a five hour train trip to Chicago to get the EAD. With taxis, hotel and etc we spent at least $300. We left Sunday evening to get there for the 8:30 AM appointment on Monday. This is the first time I’ve had an appointment and wasn’t at all worried about anything. We got to the right building, on Jackson Street, took a cab there. Cabs were in short supply, the one we phoned was going to be half an hour. While outside waiting another one dropped someone off and I snagged it. Even then we were just in time to get there for the doors opening. There was a huge line, two blocks down one street and around the corner. We found out our appointment letter was a get out of line sooner card. The security people came along and asked who has an appointment. Then they told us to go ahead and get in. Went through the security check. In Montreal the checked through my purse and had us empty pockets. There they just xrayed all our bags (purse and overnight bag) and had us walk through the metal detector. No problem. Todd was cautious because he thought the security would be a bit tighter on the day Timothy McVeigh was executed.

Anyway, we took an escalator up to the second floor, ignored the line there and went through the glass doors to an opened room where we handed over our appointment letter and were told to sit and wait. Familiar territory, eh?

I was in the second group called up. The first batch had an 8:00 appointment which didn’t mean much since the building wasn’t open until 8:30. Its just a way of sorting people out once they get inside. I was called up and they said they needed the green letter with the yellow receipt and a drivers license or other photo ID. I didn’t have a drivers license but Todd and I had recently gotten the photo ID for the state. It looks almost the same as the drivers license card. That was fine. I checked my name and address on their paper thing and I signed my name. I still have to think to sign my married name, still have to remember its me when someone calls me by it too.

Next, a fingerprint, smudged and yet another ear picture. I actually asked the woman taking the picture what the deal is with all these ear pictures. She said she didn’t know. But she was rushed as they were pushing everyone through the process pretty quick. I went back to sit with Todd in the waiting area.

They called me up to pick up the card in about 2 minutes. I went up as they were calling up the next batch of people for ID checking. In the instructions of what to bring they had asked for the marriage license and some other things but none were asked for, only the photo ID and green and yellow receipt.

After that we were out of there. Todd wanted to go back to the hotel until our train at 4:00. But I really wanted to get to the bookstore where I hoped Jane was still working. I wasn’t sure she was still there but we went anyway. Walked part way and then got lost and took a cab. Jane was lovely, even bought me a good coffee. Todd laughs about good coffee, he doesn’t understand. 🙂 It was wonderful meeting Jane and chatting about her trip and her INS experiences. Thanks for the coffee Jane. 🙂

Hope this helps someone else. I can’t think of any other details to add. We got back late on Monday night. Todd _loved_ the train trip. I was just glad to see the end of it. lol

Read more of these old posts – Our Adventures with the Fiancé Visa (2000 – 2002)