How to make your lawn look ghastly for Halloween using simple stuff like zombie flamingos, garden gnomes and such which you can buy on eBay and poke into your grass.
How to dress like a slut for Halloween without alarming your Mother
Lingerie in Halloween colours to perk up the late night trick-or-treaters.
How to keep your kids from eating too much candy on Halloween – give them healthy snacks instead and threaten to hang them off the roof while they barf if they don’t eat the healthy snacks
Dress up your pets for Halloween so they can guard your kids from the pumpkin bashing bullies
How to store your Halloween costumes, especially those which are not flame retardant.
Halloween gifts for your boyfriend who didn’t return all your 1,000 text messages yesterday
Play with trick-or-treaters: Get a stuffed dog for Halloween and put on tapes with spooky music and a dog barking in the background. Let kids think the dog is safe and then sick your real dog on them.
What to do if your child is choking on Halloween candy? – feed him more until it all goes down
Decorate your house in pink for Halloween – for breast cancer. Don’t forget to use your husband for the big boob in the centre
Old fashioned Halloween costumes – spray paint your children
Gather all the children’s toys you’re tired of picking up and recycle them into Halloween monster toys like babypedes and other monsterish, gruesome things.
Shoes to wear for Halloween, wind, rain, snow or slime
Halloween movies to watch with your dog, or cat. Write about movies with dogs or cats, or goldfish with a Halloween theme
Halloween tapes like Monster Mash which you can play over and over to torment teenagers who don’t appreciate the 70’s… yet.
Use mannequins to create a Halloween family eating dinner around the table. Make this the night you invite the neighbours for dinner. (They don’t need to bring anything but extra seasoning wouldn’t hurt them).
Tacky, trippy or just plain terrible sweaters for your loved ones at Halloween
Safe chemicals to throw on your children when their cheap Halloween costumes ignite
More reasons why candles are not a good thing for children to carry while trick-or-treating
Creepy Halloween toilet paper to use for papering houses, cars, people, pets, etc
How to make your own creepy sound recordings for Halloween without really harming any children or pets.
How to spray foam on cars which is not shaving cream (which melts paint apparently)
Use cookie cutters and hot wax to shave creative Halloween patterns in your chest (or back) hair