Day 2 – Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
You’ve gotten through her screening process and she has set a time and place for you to meet her, face to face. Now what? How do you make a good first impression on a real Domme when you meet for the first time? I don’t mean the type of Dominant woman you pay, the one who asks you what you want and tells you how much it will cost. No, I mean the Domme who is a real woman and wants more than a temporary job when she arranges to meet you.
You are most likely meeting in a public place. If you wear any fetish wear be very discreet and don’t wave it around in public. Something small which you leave her to notice is much more effective than a blatant display.
Dress up too. Look your best and pay attention to grooming. Trim facial hair, clean your fingernails, etc.
Show up and be on time or a bit early:
Don’t be late! Too many times men do not show up or arrive late. If you are not ready to meet her (or only want to play pretend online) don’t make the appointment in the first place. Be honest.
Bring a little gift:
Nothing elaborate, you aren’t paying for her favours. Keep it simple but this is a chance for you to show some cleverness, creativity, style and prove that you actually did pay attention to what she has told you about herself so far.
Offer to buy the first coffee/ wine:
She may turn down the offer, but that doesn’t excuse you from offering. Be a gentleman and remember your old fashioned manners.
Make small talk:
Until she introduces the subject of BDSM or D/s you keep the conversation light. Consider this your first test, because it likely is one of the things she is watching for.
When the subject of BDSM or sex comes up don’t rush in:
Don’t bring your grocery list of fetishes and kinky ideas to the table. Of course you want to know if she shares your interests, however chances are your list is more fantasy than fact. Talk to her about actual experience you have had versus stuff you want to try, think would be a big turn on, etc. Stick to the facts. If she asks what you want to try and have not done yet, keep it modest. Don’t make yourself sound like a window shopper – keep it realistic.
Watch your personal space:
Do not invade her personal space. Keep your arms, hands, coffee mugs, wine glass and etc to your own side of the table. Body language counts!
Bring a business card if you have one:
Unless you are paying her (which this post is not about) you should be prepared to give her information about yourself. Proof that you are available, that she can contact you, that you trust her (and thus she can trust you too). If you do not have a business card make sure she has your correct phone number, email address or any other way of contacting you and then ask her to contact you.
To hug or not to hug:
At the end of your time, if all has gone well, you might want some physical contact. Let her lead, however you can offer your hand or ask permission to give her a hug, etc.
Do not ask for sex! Asking for sex just proves you don’t really have half a clue about male submission. If you want to serve her, your needs do not come first. Sex may not even be part of what she wants.
After the first meeting send her a thank you note:
Thank her for meeting you, tell her you had a good time, enjoyed getting to know her, and so on. Don’t ask for a second meeting – but you can tell her you hope to see her again soon. You can suggest a great place or local event for a second meeting, but leave it up to her to choose.
I don’t think people need a lot of the extreme sort of fetishes. What it all comes down to is him being at the mercy of my whim, desire, or mood. All a Domme really needs to do is put him at risk in some way and keep him wondering. I have so many scenarios in my mind for play in public, in private, with gadgets or without, using language or total silence, etc. There is so much that can be done with the simplest and most ordinary things. Just sit him in a chair, blindfolded. Whisper about what you might be doing. No way for him to know if I’m doing anything more than checking my email or not…
Men who can’t let go and insist on having a huge list of fetishes and then giving directions and instructions spoil the whole thing. They make it bland and predictable. As the Domme it becomes a role you play, like reading a script. After awhile you’re really just waiting for him to be done so you can go off and check email or something more interesting.
Being a Domme isn’t about being superior or worshiped. I think it’s about him knowing his place and we both like him there.
I think it’s one of the things women tend to forget too. I don’t know if any/ every woman could be a Domme but I tend to think it is there in each of us. But, it’s a balance of finding what really does please us versus tipping the scale and doing what he wants to make him happy. I like to be myself, so being worshiped isn’t going to work for me. Not that I would get a swelled head but I just would lose that feeling of being me.
Married men online looking for a woman to dominate them… has it never occurred to these men that they already have the perfect woman to dominate them?
They say they want a woman to enforce chastity and not let them have sex. They want a woman who makes them do things, like clean the kitchen on their knees. They also don’t want to consider her real needs or desires.
Aren’t these men already married to their perfect Domme? She does not want to have sex with them. She would be quite happy if he did more around the house. Also, she is used to him not really considering her needs.
I suspect the only thing missing is the costume. How many wives would dress up if their husbands paid them $100 or more an hour?
I find this erotic on different levels. This is why I think there is such a thing as Dominant little girls, it’s the closest phrase I’ve seen to describe it. In reality, I don’t think any man or woman is all dominant all the time. Especially when I know what a nice feeling it is to lean back and let him please me.
The image came from Tumblr, no credit to the original source. Too bad, I’d like to see more.
I must be far badder than I thought. Seeing this my first thought was about age play, an entirely different little Princess and her Daddy. I don’t like it that I thought that way. It makes me feel like a pervert.
But, thinking it is not the same as doing something about it. The only age play I’d consider is between two adults (21+). I do think we push children, especially girls, into being too grown up and sexual too soon. Which is probably why stuff like this makes me think of age play. I don’t really like the Daddy’s Princess thing when it’s about little girls, real little girls. Likely that has more to do with my own Daddy issues too.
Anyway, I’d be kind of impressed if a boy subbie showed up wearing a FemDom version of this, minus the skirt. (I’m not into feminization).
For those who are confused… this is not serving her. This is a professional/ paid FemDom at work.
How can you tell? For one thing, the biggest thing… how is this serving HER? She’s wearing uncomfortable boots, her butt is hanging out and she’s spending her time standing over him doing nothing when she could be enjoying a nice coffee and a good book.
This is so not right. When will they ever get it?
I would have a man drink from a doggie bowl on the floor. But, it would be his own personal doggie bowl. It would not be shared with any other animal. I would not be standing over him, uncomfortable. I might wear boots, but I have a great pair of winter boots that I actually do like to wear. I’d wear whatever I happened to be wearing that day. If I wanted to change it would not be something showing my ass. How dignified is that?
I’d likely have him make coffee for me before he stripped down. You don’t really want a naked man in the kitchen. Probably violates health codes of some kind. I’d pull over a chair at the very least. Actually, you wouldn’t need to stand over him, just move him to where you want to be sitting. Bring along a long handled object, like a broom, you can use to prod him with if he slacks off or slows down in his task.
Most of all, this should not be about you (the FemDom/ Domme) standing there like a paid escort or call girl. He says he wants to serve you, so make sure he does. When he finishes his water bowl he can load up the dishwasher, hand wash the pots and pans and then take out the trash. Any other chores he can do for you? He should be the one to ask. If you have to remind him… well, if you’re holding a whip or have a spanking implement you might as well get some use out of it. At your own discretion of course, you don’t use a whip if you don’t know what you are doing with it.
Don’t spend time on punishing him with a spanking if that isn’t what you want to do. Instead, let him serve you. Did watching him lick clean the doggie bowl turn you on? Then (if his mouth suits you) let him lick you next. This is one more reason to just have water in the doggie bowl, that way you do know a bit about where that tongue has been lately.
Later, he can finish the night by turning the radio on and locking up the house before he lies down on the rug in the bedroom like a good doggie.
I’m not a dominant man and I probably won’t be reading 50 Shades of Grey. I’m a dominant woman and I write my own erotica. I’d like to find a man who is a gentleman in the bedroom and a romantic man in the parlour. I’d like a man who could have dinner with my family then come home with me, kiss me without being slobbery then politely ask for sex, like a good boy.