Domme in Daily Life: 30 Days of Dominance

Day 2 – Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

How Did you Pick Your User Name?

You might pick a few user names over the time you are on the Internet. Likely, you have a selection depending on where you are and who you are communicating with too.

The name you pick for yourself says a lot about you. Even if you didn’t intend it to have any real meaning beyond what seemed obvious to you at the time. Women may look at a name and read more into it than men expect. I often wonder if men really understand what their online names say about them.

I found a list of ick factor names men often use. It is a great list – I’ve felt the same way about user names like these. As a Domme looking to meet men online (I’ve kind of stopped looking now) any name like those below is a turn off. To me each of them show a one track mind, focused on his needs/ wants and not leaving any imagination or care for me. Almost no men online (on dating/ personal sites) will ask what I want until they have exhausted their own laundry list of what they will do for me. Silly boys, how can you know what I want if you are focused on what you want and ignore me.

Kind of like dealing with a telemarketer on the phone – you can put the phone down and just leave them talking to themselves until they finally hang up.

From an old post on Domme Chronicles:

If a submale has a user name that communicates an icky message, he is going to have to work *extra* hard to make me believe he’s actually an intelligent, thinking human being.

Examples of names with the ick factor:

  • Names that focus on your fetish: footslave; oralslut; hot4latex, cuckme.
  • Those that offer sexual use to the world: open4yrstrapon, slave4youtouse, toiletpaperboy4u, useme4sex, sexslave4u.
  • Anything with the number ‘4’ in it: see above.
  • Explicit sexual names: bigdick4u, tinycockboy, tongueyrclit, fuckmyarse, sixtyniner.
  • Names that make you look like a fantasist: lockmeup24-7, castrateme, extremesub, nolimitslarry.

My comment:

I will often pick out a clever user name as someone to chat with online. When I don’t really know anything else about the person, not even gender these days, I hope the name shows something about them – clever, creative and maybe interested in history or science fiction (if the name connects to something I also know and like). Mainly I like a clever name because it shows (he?) might have interests to talk about rather than drooling on about “serving me” before knowing what I even like or want.

I picked Darla Darling because my ex-husband called me DarLink when we talked online. So it became Darla Darling because I also liked that name from the old Little Rascals TV shows. Also, it worked well when I came up with the name for my site, thinking of the Gabor sisters. In a roundabout way it all worked out.

Miss Bonnie’s Favourite Quotes

The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom.
– Joseph Bean

Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.
– Waiter Rant

Source: {About MissBonnie}

I especially like the first quote. Crafty, yet consensual, seduction is very sexy.

Both quotes are about consent and the thin line before crossing it. I think this is what makes so much difficulty for people. There is an element of seduction, teasing and pushing at what was a firm no versus a soft no.

Another element of consent which is sometimes thrown to the dogs is the consent of others – not involved but on the sidelines. Anything in public, even kissing and cuddling assumes the consent of the public. But, consent isn’t something which should be assumed. So… public play is not to be taken lightly or without consideration.

Anyway, seduction, teasing and contrariness are great fun for the Domme.

Necklace for a Domme

This is the ideal accessory for those occasions you want to make a statement when fetish wear is not acceptable. The people you want to know your kinky ways will figure it out. Most of the others will just wonder if they even notice the little caged man at all.
littlemencagedSource: silver bird cage necklace with tiny business man by StudioMETHODE

Not your Angel – The Celebutaunt

People ask (or think and don’t ask) what kind of person becomes a FemDom? What people don’t know may hurt them.

There are more types of FemDoms (Dommes, Mistresses, Female Dominants, etc.) than there are titles for. Each woman can have her own style, her own agenda and her own way to feel about what she does.

I’m asking some Dommes (my preferred word) about their style of dominating. First … Not your Angel.

Not your Angel aka Trailer Trash Angel – Q and A

what-it-takes-Twitter-125

 

 

What kind of Domme are you, what do you call your style of Domming?

I am simply a naturally superior female, leading & educating men regarding their low status via humiliation, rejection, domination, pain — and good old cash.

Since I am naturally superior, it’s simple for Me. However, it can be quite complicated and uncomfortable for the little pigs.

How do you dress or behave to suit your style of Domming?trailer-trash-angel-Leopard-Twitter

I wear what I want, when I want. I could wear baggy sweats and still make the boys sweat — but often I wear skimpy southern things that accentuate My body, My gypsy spirit. And, sure, that’s often what amplifies loser fantasies too.

What are the men/ clients like who suit your style?

The men who are aware that they are inferior — not only to Me, but to all women — are generally the pigs that follow Me & My instructions.

What helps you to feel the mood, scene or situation when Domming?

Eager, willing, and honest submission puts Me in the mood. I don’t tolerate poser-pigs who think this is all some sort of game where they can pretend to be a slave or whatever, yet do not truly submit. If they won’t do any of the work, if they try to run scams to avoid paying My fees, if they don’t follow My rules, I am incredibly turned off. And that sort of stink will stick to those pigs for a long, LONG time.

I do push limits, so I can accept and understand some resistance from time to time, from task to task. But I do not educate, instruct, inflict, or in any way play for free.

I do not tolerate posers. I banish and block them without a second thought.

How did you become a Dom?

Let’s see… I started out as a Brat, matured into to a Gold Digger, and found Myself graduating to the next levels of Femdom & Findom. It was simply a natural progression for Me. (Longer version of the story here.)

Which title: FemDom, Domme, Mistress, Madame, or another do you prefer?

I prefer the term The Celebutaunt – one part celebrity, one part taunt. But that’s often too sophisticated for these men who prefer the typical “Mistress” or “Goddess” titles. *weary eyeball rolls*

Is Domming professional only or do you also Dom in your personal relationships?

I am naturally dominant & know My value, so yeah, I Domme everywhere.

Every.

Where.

Why Don’t More Women Dom Men?

CaptureI think there would be far more women as BDSM Dominants if women understood what it really is. The male version is just a fantasy, their fantasy. The porn version is fiction, created for men who like the fantasy. So, women don’t really see what Domming is, just the FemDom fiction.

A woman who likes to Dom is not mean, vicious or nasty. It’s not about causing harm or taking out your frustrations. It’s about power, fun, creativity, romance and sensuality, among other things. I like to focus on the creativity and sensuality. (That makes it fun for me).

How many women would love to have control of their man if they really did have control? Tell him what you want, how you want it and when you want it… and he obeys. It works for the men who are submissive too.

There is no guarantee of sex with BDSM. Sex isn’t used as a reward or punishment. In Dominance and submission he doesn’t obey in order to get sex. He doesn’t obey because you command him, like a drill sergeant. He doesn’t obey because you’re wearing tight black leather and high heels. It’s not about worshipping women either, though some like to add that in. He obeys because he wants to, this is what he wants. He wants to obey. He wants to be a good boy. He wants to be happy, with you.

Have you ever told a man he’s a “good boy”? Watch his face. Those are powerful words. As a Dominant woman you can get a lot of mileage out of “good boy”. Play with it sometime. You don’t have to try anything else, just slip a “good boy” into the conversation. You can say it softly, romantically, sensually. Or, say it with power, energy and a little forcefulness.

Subtle, Simple Ways for Women to Dip into Domination

  • Hold his hand. Take his hand as you cross the street. Lead him by the hand and walk in front of him.
  • Order for him. You don’t need to order him around. Try ordering for him at a restaurant before he lets the server know what he wants.
  • Dress him. Tell him what you want him to wear next time you go out together. Pick out clothes that look good on him and tell him so if he objects.
  • Kiss him first. Pick a moment when it won’t lead to anything else. Just a quick, impulsive kiss, or a fondle, caress, tickle…
  • Ask him to touch you and tell him how to do it right (as you want to be touched). Anything from rubbing your shoulders, warming your hands, or stroking your back. It’s up to you.
  • Accept thanks and compliments from him. Don’t be modest or turn away positive comments. Reward him with a smile instead and thank him too.

None of these things are Earth shattering. But, you can get a feeling for being in power in your relationship. You can see how fun it is and start to want more. Also, as you take charge you begin to ask for more, expect more and then it’s just a step farther to telling him you’re going to try something new… like blindfolding him or not letting him touch you with his hands while you have your own way with him.

For women who really enjoy Domination it’s not about wearing tight costumes, carrying a whip or being a bitch. Those can be elements of it, if that’s what you actually want. But, BDSM can be all about sensuality and pleasure. As a Dominant woman you just do it YOUR way. The hard part is sticking to doing it your way and not letting things slip into giving him what he wants while you wait for it to be over. There is nothing so dull and boring as being a McDomme, a woman doing what he wants, his way and wishing you had brought along a good book for yourself.

Was Marilyn Monroe a Domme?

Could Marilyn Monroe have been a Domme?

You could see her that way. Her media career was mostly about being sexy, curvy and soft in the right places and times. Yet she was actually a clever woman, making a living from her Hollywood image. All these years since her death and she is still an icon for the sexy woman image. People still imitate Marilyn Monroe, her walk, her voice and her fashion style.

Based on her image, she could have been a very successful FemDom, likely a financial Domme asking for jewels and cash. She would pick men of fame and fortune or at least great looking and intelligent, strong men. Marilyn would have had her pick of clients but I think her first choice would be personal, not professional.

I think she would have enjoyed domination. Having the power rather than playing up to men as she did in her movies and personal appearances. I don’t think Marilyn would have been the type to do everything his way once she closed the door on the public. In private it would become her turn, her way.

marilyn monroe 9 tumblr_mil66wmtod1ris93lo1_500Marilyn-Monroe-Domina-with-Riding-Crop

Real FemDom Ideas To Dominate Your Man With

The link below offers a fairly traditional list of FemDom fetishes and kinks. I read the list and then thought: I don’t actually want most of that. Or, if I do, it’s not really all that interesting after a short time. Not for me, individually, personally.

Women as Doms are pushed to perform for male submissives. Stop and think… What do you actually want?


Foot worship… slobber on your feet and foot wear. How attractive is that? Get him to pamper your feet in practical ways: manicures, leg waxing and massage. Change foot worship into foot service and reap the rewards!

Chastity… really means chastity for both of you. Would you prefer having him make love to you – the way you want him to? Yes, you can have him perform and give you an orgasm but is that really enough for you? Chastity works better as a tease than a reality. Long periods of time spent in chastity are usually just in stories, not fact.

Sissy play… Do you really like seeing him feminized? How does that make you feel about being a woman yourself? I don’t like sissy play. Not because I don’t like the torment of putting him into high heels, a frilly pair of panties, etc. But, I feel there is an aspect of sissy play which minimalizes women and being a woman.

Spanking… play, punishment, pleasure…? Do you enjoy giving a spanking? Do you like the exercise you get from it? By the end of the spanking do you have bruises too?

Bondage and teasing I do like. But, I make sure I’m doing both my way. I make sure I’m enjoying teasing him and I prefer mental bondage to the risk of tools and gadgets which are really physical objects to symbolize the actual control and power. Physical bondage works when I want to see him struggle and squirm and he likes being able to do so.

Roleplay… I do enjoy adding flavour with roleplay. But, how do you feel about it yourself? Does some of it feel silly, over done? Do you enjoy it or is it a performance and you’re glad when it’s over and you can be yourself again?

Learn how domination can boost your confidence and bring you closer to your man with these sexy femdom ideas that you can cater to your interests!

Source: 10 Femdom Ideas To Dominate Your Man With