Being Grey and Living With It

My hair started going grey when I was about forty. For awhile I pulled out the betraying strands, then I coloured it and then… I gave in to the inevitable. I guess. I just stopped bothering about it. This was easy enough for me. I only see myself the odd time, quick checks in the mirror to make sure nothing is too out of place.

However, it seems to be a bigger issue for my Mother and somewhat my family. They see me more often than I see myself. It’s been a challenge for them to see me with grey hair. Especially as it keeps evolving, taking over.

My grey hair is growing around my face. My Grandmother also had grey, mainly framing her face with the rest of it sticking to the original colour. Fading from the front to the back, with the back pretty untouched by any grey at all.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not exactly liking it. But, I’m living with it. If I were blonde the grey would be less noticeable. I’m brunette so it has more contrast between the grey and brown. I’m living with it.

My family have taken longer to live with it. Interesting when it isn’t on their heads. But, I think it has to do with perception, and how they feel about themselves getting older along with me. I’m the oldest of four siblings. So, I get to be first down this road and they can’t do much but be next in line.

White Noise Pollution

I’m well liked in my family. This I understand. I think I’m easy to like. I don’t see how I have any other secret to being liked. I’m not especially anything. I’m not good socially. I never have been.  Most of the time it’s easy to be part of a fairly large family who really do mean it when they ask how you are. But…

I’m the quiet one in a family of people who love to talk. To me it seems they just never run out of something to say, especially advice. It’s like noise pollution or white noise at times. I just stop listening and let them become part of the background. You know how it is when you put the radio or TV on and forget it’s there? It just becomes part of the atmosphere.

Now and then it drowns me out. So I give in and do as I’m told even when my own ideas, instincts or opinions were different and just as valid. That’s when I feel angry.

True, I feel guilty about it. We shouldn’t just ignore our Mothers, our sisters or our brothers. But, there are times when I just can’t take the constant feedback any more. I’m the oldest. Long before I was an adult they all expected me to be the one in charge, and I was. I managed everything. It’s odd to me that now they think I need all this advice.

Of course, I do understand it is all well meant. It’s no one’s fault but my own that I sometimes feel there is too much advice for a grown woman all of 47 (nearly 48) years. So, even when I do lose patience with all the communication, I do know it comes from the right place. I just endure.

Some of the feedback is good. I may never post this because they would be hurt (over over analyze everything) if they read this. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But, there are times I’d like to feel more like an adult than a child who has to be taken care of and told what to do.

Intolerance is the New Black

Intolerance is black. Not black and white and no room at all for shades of grey. Intolerance is a dictatorship.

To me it seems intolerance has become more important than respect, love or anything else. If you read the intolerance manual you would believe it was my generation and those before us who were intolerant, bigots, and so on. But, that isn’t true. We may have been racist, but we were not intolerant. We had black, white, shades of grey, men, women, old and young.

Now there is just one way everything is allowed to be and everyone must stick to the right rules. I see only black, there can be no exception. Any feelings or thoughts (and certainly any actions!) to the contrary will not be tolerated. Even those you love will choose the rules over you. Don’t get in the way, don’t have any other opinion and don’t complain.

Writing this, this morning, I wonder how people have gotten this way.

I have tolerance. I’m sad, I’m angry and I’m disappointed but I am not throwing rocks at anyone. I am not insisting on having my way or ignoring someone else who does not agree with me. I am tolerating someone who ignored my beliefs, my feelings and everything I am. I am not throwing anyone out, or under a bus. I am not screaming, hurting someone else, or insisting on a boycott. I am not using social media to gather others to my witch hunt.

I am of the generation who believe in human rights, including the human right to be human. Being human means everyone is entitled to be imperfect. Being human I expect people to not have all the same thoughts, feelings, culture or experiences. I like to explore other cultures and experiences. I like knowing there are people who disagree with me but listen to how I think and care enough to tolerate me when I feel or think differently.

You have to be entitled to be so firmly intolerant.

Today people have a feeling of entitlement they say. I have seen this in the younger generation, but not just there. The feeling of entitlement is part of the blackness of intolerance. I think it backs it up, keeps it from letting in any of those other colours. You have to be entitled in order to be so firmly intolerant.

Where did we lose the idea that it is ok to say no and have that respected? Of course, you can say no to the acceptable things: rape, bullying, racism, homophobia and transphobia. To a much smaller extent you can still say no to religious discrimination and a few other, older and less popular in the media discriminations we are still allowed to say no to. Racism is not tolerated, if you are black. If you are any other race, culture or colour, you will need to have tolerance. I’m not sure why. Why are some causes supported so fervently and others almost forgotten and ignored? Why do only some people matter?

We have lost the right to respectfully disagree.

I wish people could remember, or care, or respect the fact that we do not all agree. We do not all have to agree. But, with intolerance there is no right to respectfully disagree. I respectfully disagreed but I was not respectfully tolerated, instead I faced the intolerance and being family, years of love, respect and everything else could not overcome the intolerance which is held up like a solid, black wall, higher and thicker than any human being can ever hope to come across, or around.

I am sad and sad is grey, not black.

Indians in a Snow Storm

I will have to look up more about John Innes and see what else he painted. I like this one. Just happened to notice it for sale on Etsy.

My Grandfather told my Mother about meeting Canadian native people on the Saskatchewan prairies when he was a young man and the family were just off the boat from Austria. It’s too bad she doesn’t remember more about it. He (my Grandfather) thought very well of the native people and dealt with them often.

The art is called Indians in a Snow Storm. I’m not changing it to reflect modern political correctness. It is, as it was. johninnespostcard

This art postcard features the work of Canadian artist John Innes and was published by W G Macfarlane for Linton Brothers of Calgary. It is part of the Troilene Indians series and shows several Indian riders bundled up and making their way through blowing snow. “The blizzard is not a snow storm. The snow frozen by the intense cold to the consistency of sand is picked up by the fierce Northwest hurricanes and travels at terrific speed. Many lives are lost during these blizzards yearly”.
The card has an undivided back although the sender thoughtfully created one. The card is postally used and cancelled in 1906. Good overall condition makes this a wonderful addition to a collection.

via – Canadian Artist John Innes Indians in a Snow by TheOldBarnDoor

Handsome Face for the Weekend: Yannick

I do like having a Canadian as the Handsome Face for the Weekend. In this case, I’ve been watching Yannick Bisson on Canadian television right from his early days. Getting older suits him. There is a confidence mixed with an open friendliness. He looks great in the vintage formal wear on Murdoch Mysteries (and Sue Thomas F.B. Eye) and as a cowboy on Nothing Too Good for a Cowboy.

Another great thing about him – he married his high school sweetheart and is still married to her 25 years, and 3 children, later. He likes being a family man, not just another pretty face.

Yannick Bisson on:

There is a Yannick Bisson Appreciation Society on Facebook. There are more fan sites but this one caught my attention.

Arranged Marriages via Online Dating?

Not so long ago young women of my generation were thinking how awful an arranged marriage would be. Marrying (or even dating) someone chosen for you by someone else. A blind date with the expectations of changing your life for you.

Now we give this power to online dating sites. Match us up with their algorithms and theory of personalities and data of interests… is it really any different than an arranged marriage? Sure you have the choice of a second date but, as things get faster paced do we actually feel more in a rush to meet someone, get married and have a family? Are we using computer dating to put a rush on our lives?

At least when family arranged marriages they actually cared about the outcome. A computer will never think about you at all, not even the first time when it’s arranging your life.

Analog relationships are antiquated, she thinks. She never had a date that wasn’t proposed by CuePID scores.

But, as Grandma tells of her great romance, Jenna wonders what drew them together. After all, none of what attracted her grandparents can be captured in online profiles.

Gradually, Jenna’s feeling of freedom changes—into a sense of manipulation by stupid CuePID

via – NetAppVoice: Online Cupid — Not So OK [100 Words Into The Future] – Forbes.

Why Do Men Lie (on Dating Sites)?

Who are they, and why do they do it? Some married men who make believe they’re single online are like compulsive gamblers borrowing money to use at the gambling table, knowing they’ll never be able to pay it back.

It requires a particular kind of mind. You need to be able to think ultra-short-term, and to keep your feelings tightly compartmentalized so long-term considerations don’t get in your way.

via: Why married men lie on online dating sites.

Short term thinking is a big part of it for sure. If you think long term you will be thinking about consequences for your actions. If you only think short term it all looks good – like you’re getting what you want, instant gratification. But, tomorrow tends to come along, the next day.

I’ve wondered why men (or women) would cheat rather than just keep it in their pants. It’s certainly a selfish thing, or a very self-centred thing.

This is why I would not tolerate cheating. Not about the actual sex with another woman but about the not caring about how any of the women or his family would be affected. A man who is that self-centred is not a good one to keep in general.

Tea Chest for Zack

The linen tea chest gift comes filled with our choice of 8 flavors of the wrapped sachets, 4 sachets each.

teachest

Curated from Harney.com

One of the things my nephew, Zack, has especially liked was a tea chest. I forget who gave it to him now. It ended up being something his family used and I think he left it at home when he moved away for university. I wondered if he would like one which he really can keep for himself now. I found this on my first try of looking for a tea chest.