Fired Tomorow?

It’s Thursday and I’m making sure I go into work today. I skipped off the past two days cause I wanted to get the new glasses done and I just hate going in there knowing I am just marking time until they fire me. Though skipping days is not helping either. Still, it’s like sitting on a ticking time bomb everyday at work. Between taking calls from stressed out people and being stressed out myself I’m getting pretty nasty headaches every day. A couple of days I had a nosebleed, that freaked me out a bit. But, I think it was the dry air inside the building.

Anyway, a four hour shift tomorrow unless I stay longer by choice. It might be my last day and I won’t even get four hours. I’ve come to the point where being fired would even be ok, if I could just know when it was happening. Not that I am not trying when I am there. I’m just not succeeding hugely well. I think it is about not being pushy or aggressive enough when handling phone calls. I just don’t seem able to say all the scripted things when I know someone wants to end the call. Other people can do it.

I must be getting to bed. It won’t help to be tired again in the morning. Nice that it is a mid-day shift though. Another job isn’t likely to have the same start time. I’ll have to get back to being up for 7:00 to catch the early bus. I will miss that.

The Water is Gone

The water is off here today. Looks like it will be awhile before we really have it back. Oh, the fun of living in a construction/ renovation zone yet again. Can’t say I missed it. The brother says the plumbing all needs to be replaced. Yet when we bought the house it was supposed to be free of any kind of major work needing to be done. Everything had already been done and done over new. I think part of this is the insurance company making claims about the plumbing being out of date or something. I was not giving it my full attention at the time. Now I wish I could stop giving it my full attention.

Going away for at least tomorrow. Will be nice to see the kids but not looking forward to sleeping on that damned couch. Graham says he will bring me back either Thursday or Friday morning. I vote for Thursday, I really do hate sleeping on that couch. At least I will see the kids and bring Christmas stuff out to them finally. I put something I had for Zack away and can’t remember where now, or even what it was.

I hope I can use the time in Newmarket to look at the LensCrafter in the mall. Now that I can get glasses paid for by the benefits at work I want to get them on order. I’d like to find frames almost the same as the ones I have now. Kind of an oval shape with a dark blue frame.

Also, Bell is still being a pain in the ass. Each time I think I have that account sorted out they come up with some new problem. Still can not get the concept of the one bill account even though it is their own thing. I’ve tried since August to get this done and they STILL can not get it right. January is the first month they have finally got the three services on one bill. But, just as I am thinking it is at last done they send me a collection notice for the internet account on the old account number which was never the right account number. I did not pay the other account because I was paying the freaking one bill account which I had asked them every freaking month to fix with all three services. So, even though they finally have the internet added on it is not really added on. Damned ignorant morons! Just let them keep billing the dead guy. See if they can find where he ended up.

Sounds like the guys are cleaning up some of the construction madness so we may be leaving soon. I should get everything packed up and ready to go for however long this will be. Feel it would be smart to also bring the number to call for missing a day at work as these renovation things tend to royally screw up my life in general.

An Optical Allusion

I was trying to clean my glasses, that clear plastic nose piece that always seems to get blue grunge in it. Usually I get it out with soap and water and a lot of swishing around. But, one side has been lose for awhile so I thought I would just pull it right out and give it a better cleaning. I did wonder about getting it back in but the mad scientist part of my brain assured me I could, of course. But, I can’t. So now my glasses are cleaner but sitting kind of lopsided on my face. Being this close to Xmas my brother thinks some stores will be closing early. I’m pretty sure he is wrong. I worked in a store afterall and I especially remember the shifts which went on and on and on until 11:00 at night that last week of Xmas shopping. But, it may be that the places dealing in glasses will be closed early. Sherry and Graham think so anyway. So I’m having an optical allusion today, I did it to myself too so that’s one good thing about it. I remember another Xmas where my glasses were broken by someone else and I had everyone giving me their opinions about how they were unfixable and I’d never find someone available to fix them and it would cost a fortune… I did get them fixed, free, that time too.

A Woman Should Have

A poem by Maya Angelou

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
one old love she can imagine going back to… and one who reminds her how far she has come…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go… be it to her best friend’s kitchen table… or a charming inn in the woods… when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day… a month… and a year…

The Morning Catch 22

I realized this morning, if I sell my car I could afford to keep it. Here I’ve been worrying and trying to come up with a plan for paying the insurance, license sticker, emissions test (and possible repairs to pass the emissions test) but all along the solution was right on the driveway. I can sell the car! Problems solved!

Now, where will I put the sticker?

Great Things Happened Today.. Somewhere

So how do you like the great new template? I slaved my fingers to the bone on this keyboard coming up with this latest treasure in blog templates.

What do you mean you can’t see anything? Are you the Emperor? Do you need special glasses?

Well, ok… I didn’t quite do anything yet. I thought about it however. Don’t think I didn’t. It’s the thought that counts. If only I made a dollar for every thought, I’d be worried about hiding all that money from the government.

I am tired. Why don’t I just go to bed? I know why. Cause bed is an empty wasteland. Sleeping is boring. Sex is becoming a bit too predictable when I’m the only one here. I’m beginning to tell myself I have a headache so I will just back off and leave me alone tonight.

Oh well. Good night. I’ll feel kind of stupid if I wake up here in a few hours. Not to mention the keyboard impression I’d be wearing all day.

My Dad is Gone

I don’t exactly miss him but I do feel sad that his life ended, his time ran out. But, I also feel a little angry that he let it happen. Not that he could have done much differently at the end, when it was already too late. But, he could have done something far earlier about his heart. You don’t get 80% blockage over night. He also had diabetes yet still ate pretty much the same sugar and grease as always. He made his choices. He didn’t get the doctors to really checkhis heart until he was having chest pains every day. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter any more. You can whine about spilled milk but it won’t put Humpty Dumpty back together.

It’s strange to know he is dead but not feel it. Also, last night, I had creepy feelings that I would see him (as he looked in the hospital) in the hall at the house. Standing there looking dead. Silly, but that’s what happens to you when you are alone in the house of renovations and have far too much imagination.

As far as I know the only one of us to get any memorable last words from him was my brother. Dad told him not to feel bad about all the lifting and such he had done. Maybe even Dad was able to look outside himself enough to see that Graham would be thinking about that, feeling guilty and wondering if he could have done things differently. Not that he could. Dad liked to be the martyr, poor me. He would tell other people all about how he had to do it all himself. Never mentioning that he never asked for help, let anyone know he was doing anything that he could use help with. He’d only announce that he needed help when he was done and then he would only tell us to blame us for not being there.

Anyway, no memorable last words for me. Unless you count the usual stuff about how useless I am, how ugly I am and how I will never do well. Ne’er do well. That could be engraved on my tombstone. It feels like my middle name by now. So, that stuff can’t count as last words since it became pretty much standard, a given each time he was around me.

I used to wonder if there was some kind of final judgement. I think for each person who believes in each god and religion you do have the kind of final wind up that you are expecting. Not even cause it’s real just cause you play it out for yourself. Maybe even before you are fully dead. Of course no one will ever proove that theory. Anyway, I used to wonder if for Dad’s final judgement someone would show him how all his words affected his family. Me in particular of course, but not only me. I wondered if he would regret his words and his actions. I’d like to think that he would if he ever could finally understand how difficult he made things for each of us. How hard it was to be his daughter.

Not that I want to sound like a whiner or speak ill of the dead. But, he was my Dad, not yours. So you can’t sit in judgement of me cause you don’t know. I do seem to feel the need to please more than I would like. But, I find that when I break from that other people act like I am horribly nasty. It’s as if nice people have to be door mats and let the world run over them. But I think you can be nice and not be stupid or a door mat either. Being nice is not the same as being simple or stupid.

It’s now 4:07 AM. Not a lot of sleeping lately, one way or another. I’m at my sisters house tonight, sleeping on the couch with a view of the street. I like the view, the lights and the darkness. It’s peaceful and relaxing at night when there is no traffic. Just the the birds, soon. They aren’t even awake yet but they will be soon.

Zack accidentally bent the frames of my glasses, twice yesterday evening. So aggravating to feel like I’m looking out of fishbowl now. I hope to find some place open to fix them today. But, it’s a holiday here so likely I will have to stick with them as is till Tuesday. I hear young Zack up now. Too early but he is a kid. I used to be an extra early riser too. I guess I still am but now I’m old enough to put myself back to bed.