#DommeGirlProblems 

I was reading @Slutty Girl Problems on Twitter and thought… What about #DommeGirlProblems? So I’m starting with a few ideas to see where it goes.

  • I left him gagged an extra hour while I read a chapter of my book. Shouldn’t I feel guilty? #DommeGirlProblems
  • Man drool on the new shoes I let him buy me! #DommeGirlProblems
  • This time I really did lose the key… can I just pretend I’m faking it again? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I’m too tired to spank him tonight. Why can’t he just spank himself? #DommeGirlProblems
  • I have to go home early… I left my husband in his cage. #DommeGirlProblems
  • People don’t understand, it’s not about sex, it’s about power. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Men ask and beg to serve me then tell me what they want me to do for them. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Coming up with punishment ideas he actually won’t enjoy. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Trying fetishes and kinky ideas to please him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being expected to perform to his schedule because he wants to serve me. #DommeGirlProblems
  • High heels, tight clothes and toys are expensive and not what I really want. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Really cleaning up after his idea of cleaning for his pleasure. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being thought cruel by others and being told I’m not cruel enough by him. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Playing along, performing, finishing the scene long after I’ve lost any real interest in what I’m doing. #DommeGirlProblems
  • Being told I didn’t do it all like a real FemDom as seen in porn online. #DommeGirlProblems

 

Keeping him Caged

Note: This is an illustration, a fantasy not something actually done. Sure it’s fun to think about doing things like this. But, they work better as a fantasy, or a teasing threat. Don’t leave someone standing, locked up, over night without being awake yourself to check on them.

Slave husband spends all night locked in a genital stock forced to stand next to wife’s bed while she sleeps.

Source: He Suffers While Mistress Sleeps – Femdomonomy

Do People Play BDSM Online to Skip the Aftercare?

I know people who will only play online. They say they are into BDSM but I don’t agree. They are missing two important parts of the whole BDSM relationship. The actual parts which make it a relationship.

Is that why they don’t want to have anything real? If it were real, would that make it too real for them?

So what are they missing, you may be wondering. First, the reality. How does it really feel to experience your fantasies, fetishes and kinks? How does it feel physically, emotionally and mentally. Second, the after care.

BDSM online doesn’t involve aftercare. It’s all over once the climax happens. Each person leaves, some leave even before the end, some leave right after the end and some make excuses (not always polite) and leave.

It’s so easy to leave that way. You don’t have a real connection, just an Internet connection. Nothing like a real relationship where you share the same space emotionally, mentally and physically.

No wonder people doubt the sincerity and authenticity of online play. It really isn’t actually real. Not just the lack of commitment but the lack of real contact at all. Online play lacks real involvement, responsibility and shared emotion. No matter what anyone thinks or feels, it is all one sided.

I know because I have done online play. Not dabbled in it but actually spent months and years playing that way. I defended it then too. But, I knew reality was very different. I had reality with my husband. (No I was not cheating on him, we weren’t married very long and I played before and after).

Online play is lonely.

Online play leaves you wanting more. That only works in show business. Wanting more is not good when it happens to you. It makes you needy, clingy and very sad.

Anyway, it’s a shame there is no aftercare with online play. It could make all the difference to the people involved. But, I think that is the attraction for most of them. Even as they yearn for something real they don’t want to give anything real to someone else. They seek care but want it all for themselves. Is that why there are so many more women as BDSM submissives than Domme online?

So many interesting questions and I’m just here talking to myself. But, it’s real. Until I find someone who can share something real with me I’d rather be alone than feel even more alone while I’m with someone else.

Once a BDSM scene has physically ended, the connection between Dom and sub is still very much active, learn how best to deal with aftercare.

Source: The Importance of Aftercare | bdsm-talk.co.uk

How Did you Decide You’re a Dom?

I wrote the following in a reply to someone on Redditt:

I began exploring BDSM without having a role as sub, switch or Dom. I took time to see how I felt and how I felt about other people who had those roles and what that made of them. I really like to do things my own way, not often the traditional, expected path. I don’t like being expected to follow rules unless they actually do make sense to me.

When I did pick a place, or get told I needed to label myself, I said I was a switch. At the time I did feel that was where I belonged. I even wrote about it, as a BDSM role and not being something that was just middle of the road to leave my options open. I still feel that I can switch, as the situation and my feelings evolve and depending on who I’m with. But, I seldom find a man who makes me feel that other submissive way. It’s easier to stick to Dom and keeps things simpler. Plus, it feels good, right for me.

I was a submissive with my ex-husband but it was always awkward. He wanted to be the Dom and I let him. He didn’t have that masterful way but he wanted to.

On the other hand, when I play submissive online I get asked to change and become Dom with men who call themselves Dom. So, I think there is something about me that feels natural in that role, beyond liking to do things my own way.

Someone wrote that often people who are commanding, in charge and such in their lives are often submissive when it comes to D/s and the opposite for people who are giving and shy – they tend to fall into Dom roles. I’ve found that to be true quite often, not 100% of course.

My Husband Doesn’t Understand Me

Isn’t this pretty much the same reason husbands say they cheat?

But all were clear that they were not leaving their current relationship. These weren’t monkeys getting a grip on the next branch before letting go of the first. They just wanted to feel what they used to feel from the man in their life.

The most common complaint was a lack of passion and effort by the man in their current relationship. It makes sense. When a man begins dating a woman, he puts in tons of effort; he woos her. Once she’s “his,” he stops putting in that effort, but she still longs for it. She wants to be desired, seduced, and connected with on a regular basis. So many men seem to be missing the boat. They start strong, having a decent sense of how to capture a woman at the beginning, but upon entering a relationship they are unprepared for the long haul and investment a successful relationship demands past the dating phase. The situation starts to reek of complacency and satisfaction in mediocrity.

via: I went undercover on Ashley Madison to find out why women cheat.

poiseDo people just need to put more effort into their marriage to get what they both want out of it? Or, did they marry someone for all the wrong reasons and now the sex isn’t enough to sustain a relationship?

I do agree that women are more likely to cheat for emotional reasons than physical reasons.

Another reason – pregnancy and children. But, this could just as well be a reason for single women too. I do know that was the only thing which caused me to ever consider cheating on my husband. (He changed his mind about having children soon after we were married).

I don’t think looking for sex or affection/ romance are good reasons to cheat on a spouse or lover. Not because it’s dishonest (though that is part of it) but because you aren’t likely to find what you are looking for with someone willing to have a temporary, non-committal relationship.

If you just want sex, help the economy and pay for it.

If you want romance try finding it with the one you’re married to before you go screwing around and making things a mess for your spouse and family. How romantic is it going to feel when it all comes crashing down around you?

Nancy Farmer Doll Cards

nancy farmer dollsvia – Nancy Farmer Doll Cards

This would be such a great hobby. I did photograph posed dolls for awhile. I didn’t have miniature BDSM or fetish things to make it work like this.

When you want images to illustrate a blog post about a fetish, a kink or something more general – this would be a great way to create an image. They are eye-catching. I wonder how many people would actually read your post after seeing the image you created for it.

I’d buy a set of Nancy’s cards. I can’t think of anyone to send one to, other than my ex-husband or Gracie. That wouldn’t be much fun though.

#ByeFelipe

I’ve been disillusioned about men online before, many times. But, reading the posts to #ByeFelipe is just sad. Some people will write about this site (the hashtag has an InstagramTwitter and Facebook page) and complain or rant about men. Then there will be angry men who leave ignorant comments – men of the #ByeFelipe caliber.

#ByeFelipe showcases the dating scene online and how men respond to women who say no.

The strange thing is how little the men put into these interactions and how aggressive they become when the women don’t give them what they want. Most settle into calling the women names: fat, whore, ugly, bitch, etc. I read one where he threatened to keep harassing her until she sent him nude photos of herself.  This is based on a one time, often one sentence, contact.

#ByeFelipe is sickening to read through. I laughed at first but it got less funny as I thought of all the men doing this and wondered about the men I know. Men I wouldn’t suspect of this and yet… these men are all sons, brothers, uncles, husbands (no doubt in some cases).

We think the men writing this are ignorant due to their attitude and poor/ lazy spelling. We think they are jerks due to the aggression which comes far too easily. We don’t think of these men as someone we know (and like). We don’t think of these as the men we respect. But, we don’t know and that’s the problem.

These men pretend to be friendly, sincere and interested and then turn on her as soon as she isn’t interested. Obviously there is no honesty or sincerity in their first contact then. These men would be a very bad risk to actually meet. So how do women risk meeting any men? Unfortunately this is what men don’t seem to understand. They think they are all good guys and it’s not their fault women are… (fill in the blank).

One last note: how much of this attitude could be changed if women were not shown as provocative in order to market products? If women were not seen as the sex in sex sells maybe men wouldn’t think every woman should be available to have sex with them. Maybe even these men could see women as people rather than sex toys. Maybe men could treat (and think of) women like people even if they are not serving a sexual purpose for them.

Read more about #ByeFelipe and the interview with the founder.

What is Sex, Actually?

When you hear sex education you likely assume it’s all about sex. However, there is more to sex education than sex alone. There are things like sexless marriages, virginity, menopause, fetishes and kinky stuff too.

Have you ever thought about what sex actually is?

Does sex have to be about penetration? What if you and a partner are into mutual masturbation, does that mean you have not had sex? If you say yes to that, does that mean lesbians have never had sex (unless you count being artificially penetrated – assuming they use such things)?

What about people who choose not to have sex, is there something wrong with them or is it just a choice? If there isn’t something wrong with that choice what does it say about people who have a lot of sex or think they are deprived if they haven’t had sex in a week? Are they oversexed?

I think sex is embarrassing. People don’t really want to talk about it, face to face. When you have sex you look pretty silly and sound worse. I’m amazed the human species has made it this far when I think about what sex actually is, especially in the past when consent wasn’t an issue.

So much about sex is all in your perspective. When you are intimate with someone you forget to be embarrassed. If you are someone who has sex frequently that seems normal to you. Someone else who has sex less often is normal too. It doesn’t mean they have less libido, less desire or are less attractive. They have a different perspective.

All this fuss about sex and then… menopause. What is the purpose of sex? I’ve thought about that. As a woman over 45, child-less and now waiting for menopause I sometimes feel angry about the whole sex thing. I think sex has let me down in every way that counts. I didn’t especially love sex when I was married, or before or since. I got married for the purpose of having companionship and children. I never found out if I were infertile, that didn’t become an issue because my husband changed his mind about children and being married. We’re divorced. Not because of sex.

Retro Internet: The 1500 Point Purity Test

Long ago, in the days of the Internet surfing highway, there was a purity test with over 1000 questions. I found a copy of it. Posted for your viewing (or take the test) pleasure.

THE UNISEX PURITY TEST

If you thought the millenial purity test was bad, well you ain’t see
nuttin’ yet!

This is the 1500 point Purity Test!

We felt that the 1000 point version lost a lot of the “fun” of the
earlier versions, so we re-wrote it, adding a few new sections, and
a shitload of questions. This test is guaranteed to be nosier that
your parents, more invasive than the census, and containing something
to offend everybody.

Also included is an answer form so that you can remember where in the
test you were, or show to a friend.

Continue reading Retro Internet: The 1500 Point Purity Test

Dressing a Man

I haven’t dressed up a man since I used to help my husband pick out suits. He was a big sized guy and we would go together so I could make sure he got pants that fit. When I was away he went with his Mother once and bought pants which sagged in the butt. They looked awful and made him feel sloppy when he was trying to dress better. He was agoraphobic when we started but was then able to get a job he liked and we found a great apartment in his home town down in Illinois. Anyway, being dressed up was important and being dressed well was even more important then.

I’ve never dressed a man like a female character. I don’t even wear make up myself. So there will be lots to explore. Just imagine Halloween when men can legitimately dress up in costumes. That one night you could be all dressed up with some fetish wear added and be out in public for all to see. Maybe a secret toy to give you just a bit of an extra buzz.

Note: This Astaire Suit comes from Libidex Latex Clothing