The Gaining Life

The Gaining Life – Episode 44: stuffmebloated

In this episode we talk to stuffmebloated. At age 21 and skinny, he decided that he wanted to start gaining. Hear about all the eating and gluttony involved in turning his 175 lb. body into the fat man he is today. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to be funnel fed melted ice cream, this is the podcast for you. He talks about meeting up with encouragers, gaining nearly 200 lbs. and still not feeling fat enough, his struggle with guilt over gluttony, mobility issues as his weight goes up, his future goals, and much more.

Running Time: 57 mins.

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The Torture and Temptation of the Lust for Really Good Chocolate

I’m having a small problem with chocolate… I want it! I want it often and I want it served warm and tasting like real chocolate with cream to smooth it out. I want it every day, more than once.

But, I’m trying to ignore chocolate and cheesecake and ice cream and all those soft, warm or chilled, yummy things. I lost almost 20 pounds but last month I put back two of them.

I blame chocolate, whether the chocolate truly deserves the blame or not.

I Know it will be Warm, Rich and Creamy – Everything I Lust for in Chocolate

Did you know how nice and easy it is to order chocolate to be delivered to your door? I ordered a box of chocolates from a Canadian chocolate company out on the west coast, Vancouver, British Columbia. To get to my house that chocolate had to travel across thousands of kilometres, several provinces and it made the trip a day early. I opened the box, reverently. I tried to be mindful and enjoy every moment and each nuance of chocolate. But, I had eaten three of the milk chocolate bars before I could make myself put the box away.

So, ordering chocolate is not the best way to deal with a craving for chocolate.

I’m still looking for alternative ideas. Today I noticed this Bialetti hot chocolate pot, mostly for the photo. I can taste that chocolate. I know it will be warm and rich and creamy… Everything I lust for in chocolate. I haven’t decided whether or not to order the machine. It’s a risk. What if I like it too much?!

Then I started looking at other well known (to me) chocolate companies who will send packages of chocolate to your door, via Amazon. Oh, the torture, the temptation… I can taste it and it tastes GOOD!

The best I can do is give in to the craving for chocolate but moderate it. This means letting myself have the chocolate but only once a month and then making sure the chocolate I have at that time is the best possible chocolate on the planet at that particular place and time. No supermarket chocolate bars. No packaged hot chocolate mixes. Only the best, real chocolate and I want it smooth, rich and creamy. A chocolate pudding, but not something out of a cardboard box.

I’m adding the hot chocolate maker to my list of things to buy, along with a bathroom scale. Next month there will be chocolate! Better chocolate.

No Canada for Häagen Dazs

Canada is not a small place. We may not have the world’s highest population but, I can assure you, we are here. Why then, do so many businesses, companies, corporations and etc. skip Canada? I can see Australia, Mexico, and assorted other countries in Europe, South America and Africa and so on. Not Canada.

This especially bugs me when it is a US business selling to Canadians. Or, any business which sells to Canadians and includes many other countries but just didn’t get around to adding Canada. As if we are some tiny, little place, hardly a dot on the map at all.

Is it because we are polite? Often polite, nice people finish last because no one bothers to actually count them. The polite people could actually win the entire race but go unnoticed until someone louder claims to be there first.

Today it’s Häagen Dazs. I bought the ice cream at the grocery store today. Thought I would look for the site and send a note about my favourite ice cream flavour. Well, I would have done that but, it seems Canada does not exist on any of their sites. It does say pick your country, right there at the top. My country just isn’t there. Not even on the US site (but Mexico is). I’m glad enough to see Mexico and other countries get noticed and included. However, Canada is bigger than they are. Maybe no one has noticed.

One funny thing I noticed… on the US site where you can search for locations from over 900 shops in more than 50 countries… you can only search using US postal codes. How does that work for you?

notincanada nocanada

Emotional Attraction

ice creamI dedicate this post to all those walking dickheads I’ve met through online dating – the bland men.

There is so much talk about gay and straight. I never forget being asked “How do you know you’re straight?” many years ago when I was still going to BDSM munches. I still go to BDSM get togethers but now they are less traditional. No one calls them munches, just Wednesday Night Coffee in town.

When I think about a man’s hands I know that’s what I want. I don’t feel the same about a woman. I can have fantasies or become aroused just from thinking about being touched in ways, in places and in assorted scenarios. The hands (tools, machines, robots, aliens, tentacles, whatever) touching me don’t so much matter when the focus is on myself, my surroundings, the fetish or kinky bits. In fantasies we always focus on ourselves. That’s what makes them so good for us.

However, when I focus on the hands themselves, I want a man’s bigger hands touching me. I want some calluses from his work outdoors. I want clean fingernails cut bluntly square across, no nail polish. I want a light sprinkle of hairs on the back of his hand, over his wrist and leading up to his arm and all the rest of him. I don’t especially want a hairy man, too much hair is too much hair. But, I don’t want a smooth shaved body, like a woman.

I’ve never really wondered all that much about whether I’m gay or not. How do I know whether I like chocolate or vanilla? There’s a bigger question, I like both, especially all swirled together with ribbons of caramel. My favourite ice cream is the Gold Medal Ribbon which I first had at Baskin Robbins as a kid.

Some things are that simple.

Some are not simple at all.

My answer hasn’t changed to the gay or straight question. But, I’ve come to understand more about myself and what I feel. I do desire a man physically but not emotionally. Not that I want a woman either. Emotionally I’d like to be left alone.

A funny thing happened on the way to this point in my life…

I’d like Baskin Robbins to deliver. Can they just send me a crate of Gold Medal Ribbon so I can keep it in the freezer and scoop out a bowl full when I’m in the mood for ice cream?

I’m tired of trying to ‘find someone’. I’ve kissed the frogs. I’ve been married and divorced. My strings have all come undone or been pulled out. I don’t even want to find someone any more. Of course, hope is eternal and can never die. I have a spark which won’t go out and I do look up and think I might just see someone looking back.

But, how can you trust anyone not to be too cynical, too self-centred and actually be looking for me too?

Ice cream may not be doing my weight any favours but it tastes better and hasn’t let me down. Ice cream has never hurt my feelings or made me feel insignificant. Ice cream is there when I want something good in my life again. Ice cream is an emotional thing as well as it’s own food group.

Anyway, I’m not fooling myself. I know ice cream melts and is just cold comfort.

All these years later I am still physically attracted to men but I am not emotionally attracted to them. In the end, if I didn’t have emotions when it came to sex and being close to people, I could just be like the men I meet online and screw whatever looks good enough. No emotions involved. No regrets, no apologies, no sense of actually being with another human being at all.

That’s not me. Sex is all about intimacy, closeness and emotion for me. I’ve never picked up someone at a bar and taken them home to screw me. If I want an orgasm I can have one. I don’t even need modern tools or toys. Sometimes I imagine a man, sometimes it’s an alien… with tentacles or a really weird penis. Even my fantasies have emotion though. Who or whatever I’m with actually wants me. Me, not a blow up doll or the perfect model from some porn site.

I don’t know what sex is without an emotional attraction. People talk about vanilla versus BDSM. The real vanilla is not the people who aren’t kinky, it’s the people who leave the emotion out of it all.

Vanilla is just great with me – it’s a rich flavour which just happens to be light in colour. It’s very unfair to vanilla to have become the word used to describe a lack of flavour, or kinkiness. Instead we should call them bland maybe. Not the people who choose not to be kinky, play with fetishes or experiment with sexuality – bland are the people who perform it all but leave the emotions out of it.

Without the emotions you may as well be doing it yourself, to yourself. If you’re going to be bland about it do so. But, don’t try to drain the emotions out of someone else and hope that will bring you up from being bland to the level of having some flavour. You can’t steal or take emotions because they only feel good when they are your own.

Looking for a Vanilla Orchid to Wear

I know we should be gearing up for Christmas decorating, fashions and shopping. But, I’ve been inspired to find a vanilla orchid brooch. They are such fancy little flowers and I see them so often, each time I buy my favourite coffee, ice cream, and so on. I am a vanilla whore. I also adore caramel and if chocolate becomes involved… well, let’s just say I’m happy.

So I got the idea to look for something like a vanilla orchid that I could wear.

These (from Love is a Rose) are pretty but not what I had in mind exactly. I think I just want something in the right colour, that creamy off-white, with maybe the slightest touch of pale rose. I really like the look of these. I’d be happy to wear a row of three or five of them. You could line them up like your own personal orchid garden right on your shirt.

This one sold at auction with Christies and was created by Tiffany and Co. It’s wonderful but, more orchid than I had in mind. I was thinking of something simpler. This is an orchid I would wear like a corsage.

This one was also sold through Christies. Created by Rene Boivin with diamonds and citrine. This one may just be the winner, not because it was the orchid I had in mind but because it is far too glamorous and sparkly to be denied.

If you just want an orchid of a certain botanical type, you will find it at Elegant Orchid. They don’t have gemstones but they are detailed and beautiful by design.

Green Tomato Pie

Green Tomato Pie

Pastry for 9 inch pie with cover
3 cups of green tomatoes
2 tbsp. flour
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 cup molasses
1/4 cup water

Remove the stem end of the tomatoes, but don’t peel them. Slice the tomatoes in thin rings, cover them with boiling water, and let stand for about 10 minutes, then drain them. Arrange them in the unbaked pie shell. Combine the flour, sugar, spieces, molasses, and water. Pour the mixture over the tomato slices and cover with the top crust. Bake at 425F for 15 minutes and then at 350F for 30 more minutes. Serve with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, or sweetened sour cream. Serves 8.

This recipe was in the book: In a Country Garden – Life at Ravenhill Farm, by Noel Richardson.


I’m itchy and yucky feeling. My throat is sore, even ice cream didn’t help beyond a slight freezing for a few seconds. I have a Christmas tree pulled upstairs to put up and I have people over-running the house who don’t fit into friends or family, not for me anyway. I’m sick of renovations that drag on for years. I’m fed up with worrying about money when the bills don’t reflect reality, at least not mine. And I’m cold too. We have already gotten a few feet of snow outside. I should write something more interesting but I just feel too yucky.

Friday Fun: Yummies Edition

Friday Fun

1. What is your favorite guilty pleasure yummy food?
2. It is snack time. What do you reach for? Chips? Ice cream? Something healthy?
3. What is your ideal breakfast?
4. What are you craving right now?

1. Hard to choose between cheesecake or ice cream.
2. Coffee if I’m trying to avoid the ice cream or don’t have any around.
3. Traditional bacon and eggs with toast.
4. Cold night so something hot. A real hot chocolate with real whipped cream.


New Year’s Resolutions for 2008

I promise to eat ice cream on New Year’s Eve, even if I have to do it all by myself.

I will continue to look at houses (occasionally, not obsessively) in the real estate flyers and buy lottery tickets about once a month or so.

I will try to actually sleep in the hours after my shift at work ends at midnight and the daylight cracks open the sky at dawn.

I will keep seeking out the finest fancy coffee in Ontario, no matter how much of it I have to drink along the way.

I will keep up with the routine for laundry, going to work and all that standard stuff.

I’m going to learn XHTML (at least more than I do now) and finish revamping my site, this year.

I won’t give up on finding a guy who appreciates some of the things I do: being reliable, a little romance, some old traditions and making new ones, intelligent conversation, art and being creative, smiling and the odd bit of sensual kinky sex.

I won’t pick up bugs or other really icky things that make me cringe.

I won’t make promises and commitments I can’t keep and I will try not to let anyone pressure me into making any such commitments. Not even myself.

It’s Nearly After Dark Life Time

It’s Friday night. Do you know where your life is? Mine is doing laundry, again. Thinking to actually leave the premises in a few minutes and just let the laundry finish doing itself. I’ve got a bunch of doll clothes in the wash and my own clothes in the dryer. I had hand washed the doll clothes but, it seems, I did not get them quite dry enough. I took a look at them today and they reek, stink by any other name and it still smells just as awful. So they are getting machine washed this time around. Hope they survive the experience. I’m sure a few will not. But, that’s fate, they had their chance.

I am thinking to do grocery shopping. Another famous Friday night event. People line and up and pay to get into grocery stores on Friday night. I mean… people who don’t do the bar thing and can’t find where they last left their real life.

At least I don’t have a big list. Just a few things. Something that doesn’t come in a can of tomato soup. Maybe some ice cream. Shoppers Drug Mart has a sweet sale on the cold and tasty stuff and there is a Shoppers on Queen Street right by the grocery store.

Is all this Friday night excitement teasing you into getting some of your own? Go for it. Leave that laundry and those dishes. Go out there and have a life. You too can shop for groceries. It’s… not so bad. I’ll get a coffee too, I just have to make that big ice cream decision so I know if the coffee should be before or after.

Anyway, it’s one way to get out of the house and see the night life. Well, the nearly after dark life.