It Started with John Norman

It Started with John Norman
Originally Posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday March 30, 2002

In the BDSM community I’m what they call a Switch. Depending on my mood or the partner I’m with, I can be Domme or subbie. Overall, I prefer Domme. Its a powerful surge of energy to have a good man while he’s down. But, its nice being a subbie too. Nice to let go and be taken care of. Not something I want to get into a lot, but nice now and then. I’ve never found just the right man for that job.

For me, it all started with John Norman. I’ve never met the man, never wanted to either. Once upon a time I found one of his books left in the living room by my Dad. I was probably 12, had just started having a few very innocent Dr. Kildare fantasies and exploring my body, alone in my bed, with all the lights out. The cover art drew me in. Those perfect, curvaceous bodies, just what every 12 year old female thinks she is supposed to grow into.

I read the back cover, from there I went inside. I only skimmed the pages, reading the scenes that began to thrill me. The capture of the woman and the good parts after that. I didn’t care about Gor, about the male warriors and whatever else filled the rest of the pages of that book. That was the first time I felt sexually excited by something I read.

It seemed something bad, something I should not be reading or even wanting to read. I still have that conflict with my good girl image and my private bad girl fantasies. At times I like having the conflict, it means I haven’t gone over to the “other side”.

That is the root of my questions, my quest or journey. How much sexual lust can a good girl have before she becomes one of the bad girls? Then, is it really ok to have rape fantasies and fantasies of tormenting men, in a fun way. The Domme that is me is definitely not extreme. I like the domestic discipline, teasing torment, mild humiliation variety of play. No doubt someone would read my fantasies and say they are quite extreme, someone else would read them and think they are far too tame, girlish even.

So far the group of BDSM types which has most echoed my own feelings about D/s were The Ladies Tea Society. They really understand that men are to serve their Domme, not the other way around. The Ladies Tea Society has meetings where the ladies dress up, chat, have tea and amuse themselves by tormenting, humiliating the male submissives they bring with them. The men pour and serve tea, now and then one will act as a table for tea cups, plates of cookies, whatever. The men have the original option of being there or not. Once they make that choice they have no options left. There is no torture, just torment and a lot of fun for the women.

So, there you have my introduction. Some of the parts of me. Currently, I have begun with a new online subbie, male. Its very new. I plan to meet him. Right now I’m just enjoying getting to know him. In the past I had one online subbie. I wrote erotica for him. We never met, he lived too far away. He was a great friend and a lot of fun to Dom.

Something Revolutionary to Some

Here’s a new idea for some of you. It is not a bad thing for a male submissive to take care of his Domme, even to the point of stepping up and being the one who leads her to bed  when she is tired or not feeling well (as one example).

In the way I see it, a male submissive isn’t just the guy sitting in the cage or tied to the bed, he is also the guy who cares for his woman. Isn’t that at the heart of your submission? Don’t you want to be the guy she desires too and looks forward being with rather than just one more thing on her to-do list.

Yes, you know about things like making her a coffee, rubbing her feet, you may have even heard of The Ladies Tea Society but beyond that have you ever considered taking care of her. Making sure she is warm and comfortable when you sit together in front of the TV in the evening. If she catches a cold or comes down with a fever a male submissive should be bringing her some Tylenol, maybe some gingerale and encouraging her to get to bed and sleep.

A male sub should remind her when they are running late. He should take the initiative and get the car started on a cold day. He should make note of groceries and other supplies they need to pick up. He should pick up the dry cleaning, take out the garbage, fold the laundry when he hears the clothes dryer finish up. When he is first home he should have dinner ready rather than spending that time waiting to be fed. Catch the creepy crawlers for her, open the jar of pickles when it’s tight and stick up for her if someone is being less than kind.

When you are out in public be a little old fashioned and open doors for her. When eating out get anything she needs such as extra napkins, a coffee sleeve or ask the waitress to bring vinegar for her french fries. If you know she’s tired (and you’re ok) offer to do the driving. It isn’t less submissive to take the wheel when you are choosing to take care of your woman, your Domme.

In a female led relationship I think it is important for the male to keep some of his power. Few real women want a man who has to be micromanaged and comes across as needy/ demanding all the time. I don’t think any woman is going to want a guy who ignores all her needs except for the times he wants her to Dom him. If the relationship is female led then her real needs, wants and her time should be important.

I’m not saying it is a one way street. But, chances are she will be more interested in play time when she knows she has a partner who not only helps her but values her too.If she is stressed out with never ending chores and things to do she won’t have the energy, interest or inspiration to play. Her time for play will not be something she can look forward to and relax and enjoy. Wouldn’t you rather feel valued and desired too? It is a two way street after all.