The Top Wanted Sexual Fantasy

This post started with a pretty simple list of top female sexual fantasies from AskMen. No surprises and kind of plain and atypical really.  I narrowed the list down to be less repetitive.

A lot of fantasies involve knowing you are desired. Men have this theme in many fantasies too. I’ve read this is a reason men pay for sex, to have that feeling of knowing their partner desires them. It’s even become a business to offer the “girlfriend/ boyfriend experience”.

I think the people who are most successful in sexual relationships, the men we call great lovers and ladies men, are the men who understand this and give it to their partners. It’s a great way to get the same back. Making someone feel desired keeps them wanting more of those feelings/ wanting the source.

So why don’t more men and women work with this information? I think there is a selfishness and insecurity which keeps many people from giving or getting the romance and sex they want. Maybe having a lot of sex makes them think they do have what they want and yet… they still have this “fantasy” of being loved, seduced, desired, taken…

Change it up – don’t create the scenario create the relationship so the scenarios can follow and be shared.

  • Dominating
  • Being dominated (force fantasies)
  • Seduction (schoolgirl/ stranger)
  • Threesome
  • Voyeurism
  • Exhibitionism (strip tease)

Source: Top 10: Female Sex Fantasies – AskMen

Don’t Blame the Findoms

Stop blaming sex workers for the sale of sex.

Sex sells because there are an endless supply of buyers. Sex buyers create and customize the market. Sex workers become what sex buyers want.

Do not blame findoms (financial domination professional FemDoms) for taking money, accepting gifts and demanding more. The supply of men (I’ve yet to see a woman on the buying side) looking for financial domination is there. The professional sex workers cater to the demand for it.

Attacking or blaming sex workers is not changing or helping men to change.

Why do men want financial domination? How did this fetish grow so much and so easily? Do you really believe the supply was there before the demand? No, the supply grew to meet the demand. If you want to stop financial domination work at the source, the demand for it. This is why my first question is, why is there a demand for it? I don’t really understand either.

Do men need to feel vulnerable? Is this an exchange of power in order to create vulnerability for the men?

This all leads to so many other questions, for me. Why are men looking for this kind of “forced” vulnerability? (Force in quotes because it is not really enforced, the buyer is in control and the force is not real. This is a transaction controlled by the holder of the credit card).

Are these men looking to be martyrs? I think they want to feel abused or taken advantage of and then expect sympathy. The big, bad findom is hurting the poor, little man. Except he can end the call, put away the credit card and stop the transaction – at will.

But he doesn’t.

The Predators of Online Dating

I’ve seen online dating as a social horror story for years. The people trying to find matches are just the surface. The dating business is even more predatory.

If you’ve been trying online dating, STOP! You’ve been set up to fail right from the start. (Free sites too – the longer you stick around the more ads they can sell).
From Thought Catalog:

After a few bad dates and misplaced emotional investment in the wrong guys, many of these women decide that all men are like this. So, when a genuinely nice guy comes along, she’s not interested, or else she decides that he’s “just like all the rest”. The nice guy then laments that women only date the jerks, and he sets out to become a jerk in order to garner a woman’s interest.

You can’t read the forums of dating sites and not find men and women posting about how discouraged they are by the people they try to meet on dating sites. Men who say anything just to get a screw. Women who don’t put out fast enough. Kind of a theme there – long before the dating sites but – the dating sites make money by encouraging it.

This is what you really need to know about online dating sites:

According to “Sally” (name has been changed), a senior consulting programmer who’s assisted in the creating of compatibility algorithms at a number of online dating sites, it costs the average dating site approximately $120 to generate a new customer. (In the subscription-based services world, this is called the Cost of User Acquisition, and includes the fees associated with advertising, promotion, sales bonuses, transaction fees, and more). But if the monthly fee is only $20 a month, the dating site needs to keep you using their services (read: unmatched) for at least six months just to break even. To show a profit, they need to keep you unmatched even longer. According to Sally, this is how it’s done:

“When a subscriber completes their online questionnaire and profile, the site’s technology matches them up with compatible potentials, and the subscriber is shown a selection of matched profiles. However, although the algorithm is capable of matching based on compatibility, only one of the profiles shown is actually a match based on their algorithm; the others are either random profiles of other users, or fake profiles entirely. If the subscriber doesn’t happen to click on the profile generated from the algorithm and instead selects one of the other randomly generated profiles, the algorithm shuts off for the next 4-5 months in an effort to recoup the cost spend of acquiring that subscriber. It’s been done like this for years, and is the way the business works.”

Are you really surprised? I suspected the dating sites were not all lovey dovey but this went beyond what I really believed they would do, deliberately. But, business makes money by preying on the consumer while pretending they care. Stop falling for it, stop getting your heart broken and thinking meeting someone is entirely hopeless. It isn’t. You’ve just been getting played by the dating sites and the people who use them (like parasites).

There are other ways to meet people, even online. Join social groups based on your personal interests, hobbies, location and career. Avoid sites which ask for paid membership (with exceptions for associations and societies which actually do host events for their members to meet and greet). Outside of the dating sites you are likely to find someone far more sincere about having a relationship.

If you’re a woman who just wants to get screwed – the dating sites are your playground! Bring your own condoms.

How Did you Pick Your User Name?

You might pick a few user names over the time you are on the Internet. Likely, you have a selection depending on where you are and who you are communicating with too.

The name you pick for yourself says a lot about you. Even if you didn’t intend it to have any real meaning beyond what seemed obvious to you at the time. Women may look at a name and read more into it than men expect. I often wonder if men really understand what their online names say about them.

I found a list of ick factor names men often use. It is a great list – I’ve felt the same way about user names like these. As a Domme looking to meet men online (I’ve kind of stopped looking now) any name like those below is a turn off. To me each of them show a one track mind, focused on his needs/ wants and not leaving any imagination or care for me. Almost no men online (on dating/ personal sites) will ask what I want until they have exhausted their own laundry list of what they will do for me. Silly boys, how can you know what I want if you are focused on what you want and ignore me.

Kind of like dealing with a telemarketer on the phone – you can put the phone down and just leave them talking to themselves until they finally hang up.

From an old post on Domme Chronicles:

If a submale has a user name that communicates an icky message, he is going to have to work *extra* hard to make me believe he’s actually an intelligent, thinking human being.

Examples of names with the ick factor:

  • Names that focus on your fetish: footslave; oralslut; hot4latex, cuckme.
  • Those that offer sexual use to the world: open4yrstrapon, slave4youtouse, toiletpaperboy4u, useme4sex, sexslave4u.
  • Anything with the number ‘4’ in it: see above.
  • Explicit sexual names: bigdick4u, tinycockboy, tongueyrclit, fuckmyarse, sixtyniner.
  • Names that make you look like a fantasist: lockmeup24-7, castrateme, extremesub, nolimitslarry.

My comment:

I will often pick out a clever user name as someone to chat with online. When I don’t really know anything else about the person, not even gender these days, I hope the name shows something about them – clever, creative and maybe interested in history or science fiction (if the name connects to something I also know and like). Mainly I like a clever name because it shows (he?) might have interests to talk about rather than drooling on about “serving me” before knowing what I even like or want.

I picked Darla Darling because my ex-husband called me DarLink when we talked online. So it became Darla Darling because I also liked that name from the old Little Rascals TV shows. Also, it worked well when I came up with the name for my site, thinking of the Gabor sisters. In a roundabout way it all worked out.

Do You Compliment Men?

Change things around and bring him flowers, chocolates and a sincerely meant compliment. If you can bake make him a cake, a pie or cookies, homemade may not be perfect but it’s far more intimate/ personal than something from a bakery.

Stop suggesting changes to his wardrobe and bring him flowers in bright colours instead. Later you can try a shirt or tie, inspired by the colours he liked in the flowers. Or, not, really how terrible is it that he dresses himself, even if you don’t approve of some of his choices. Keep in mind that he wants to look good, he just doesn’t want to be told to change.

A compliment will work much better. Tell him when he’s looking good. Tell him he’s having a great hair day. Tell him those pants look great on him, that shirt brings out the colour of his eyes and he looks so polished and professional when he wears that suit.

People like positive feedback, which is what compliments are. No one is going to accuse you of nagging when you give a sincere compliment to them. (Don’t try turning negative feedback into a compliment – that’s just mean and phoney).

Complimenting men is fun, once you get started. Compliment random men. The guy who held the elevator or the door for you. Smile when you say “thanks” and actually look at him too. Such a small thing can really make a difference in someone’s day, for both of you.

Being pleasant never goes out of style.

Guys love compliments

‘As men, we crave compliments. Nothing will make us happier then to be told we look good, smell good, etc. This is why… we men tend to compliment women too much sometimes. We sometimes over use the golden rule, we treat women as we want to be treated.

‘I have worked with some pretty attractive men who would get hit on often which was nothing for them but the second someone actually complimented them they lit up like a god damn gorgeous Christmas tree.’ – Betamaletim

Quote from a post at Marie Claire.

Defeat the Marketing of Sex

Could it be that women who lose their interest in sex are just as normal as men who also have less interest in sex?

Could it be that most people are sold sex, promoted by the media/ marketing in order to make a lot of money?

Is it all a case of preying on the consumer by making them think they all need to have a lot of sex, and really white teeth?

This leads me to question sex with penetration. I have read that most women do not have an orgasm from sexual penetration. I can add myself to that list. I am old fashioned enough to think sex is about making babies. The sex I see on TV shows, movies and the Internet is not romantic. Even with all the added drama of rushing it and things crashing to the floor… it looks boring to me. “It was just sex”… and yeah, it really was just sex. There wasn’t time or interest to have more to it. Crash, bang, thank you Ma’am.

What is sex like without penetration? Take away concerns about baby making, sexual diseases and… do you have anything left? I hope so! If not, what the heck are you doing?!

If people went back to enjoying sex instead of making it a ‘bodily function’ they would find romance, caring, maybe even… the love in love making. Stop making sex a performance – trying actually being intimate instead. Have sex with someone you want to see again and don’t rush into it.

Defeat the media and the marketers and take sex back. Make it personal, intimate and loving again. Chances are sex will be a lot more desirable that way, for men and women.

Quote below via – For Some Men, Erectile Dysfunction Is Totally Chill

Recent research by Emily Wentzell, an associate professor of anthropology at the University of Iowa, examines the way that erectile dysfunction’s (ED) designation as a medical problem is a consequence of culture and profit-motivated industries. “Ideas about what counts as good and manly sex are cultural, not natural or universal,” Wentzell explains in an interview with Broadly. “There is money to be made off promoting the idea that manly men should have life-long penetrative sex, by selling pharmaceuticals—hence the widespread marketing of ED drugs.”

There are many different justifications given for erectile dysfunction. Today, these range from deeming it a behavioral-based issue to a psychological problem to something purely biomedical. But there are older accounts. Ages ago, Wentzell explains, it was surmised that witchcraft could account for limp dicks. Modern interpretations on the so-called problem, Wentzell says, have been motivated by industries with financial interests.

Are Women Really Sex Objects?

Found on the web:

Are Women Really Sex Objects?

Don’t mean to start a big fight on this fine Sunday morning – but here I go anyway.

When you really think about it, I mean really think about it, aren’t women really sex objects. We try to say they aren’t soooooooo much but, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, women are nevertheless seen as sex objects. We try to hide it as much as we can but don’t we still really believe it anyway?

Of course women are not just sex objects. I feel that we have fooled ourselves into seeing men and women as equals. Women see themselves as objects of sex appeal and guys see every girl as a potential ‘fun night’ – or more – no matter what they say.

Why do women get breast implants? To have better posture? Why do women apply makeup? For sun protection? Why do women spend time and money improving their looks – at the expense of time devoted to enhancing skills and building experience? Because it is fun obsessing over looks?

Maybe you’d say “yeah, you’re right, but the point is that it is wrong and we have to strive to correct the situation.” To that I would reply with this – why spend so much time and energy fighting against our instinct? Against our nature? Look at what amazing things can happen when we go with our instincts – we get to the moon. Look what happens when we fight our instincts – we get a war on drugs that costs money and doesn’t fight drugs.

Why not admit that women are seen primarily in terms of their sex appeal and embrace the truth. It will set you free – and hopefully set them free of their clothes!

What do you think?

First of all, this is assuming all women fit this stereotype. All women wear cosmetics, get bigger boobs, and apparently we don’t get old (or too old) either.

Secondly, there is the idea that cosmetics and etc. are all about changing or creating an appearance on the outside. Yes, of course, that is part of it. But, most women I know like to feel they are looking good. (I don’t think that’s just a woman thing, or a sex thing, or a gender thing).

Do women (or people in general) want to look good in order to be sex objects? Some likely do. I’m sure it’s not 100% however.

This brings up the question… Are men really sex objects? Which makes me think about what makes a person a sex object in the eyes of the beholder? We all have our own view of what is sexy.

Also, last of all, a sex object seems like an inanimate object, something you can pick up, use and discard. I don’t think we should be looking at anyone that way. In the end, it’s the reason I don’t think men or women are sex objects. But, some day there will be sex robots and those will be objects, animated in a mechanical way but still not human. (At least not for at least a generation or three).

More Impressed with Fully Dressed

Eliza-dushkuEliza Dushku. I’ve seen her in the Buffy and Angel series and again in Dollhouse. Why are most of her photographs (posing for publicity) not like this? Here she has elegance and power. But, most female characters/ actresses are posed inelegantly, often with legs open so the focus is not on their face. If men were posed that way it would look obscene or far too cocky (literally).

Not so different from female Doms. Most are shown in tight clothes with a lot of skin and body parts exposed. Meanwhile men show almost no skin. They tend to look mysterious, in command and a little threatening. They don’t look like hookers.

I know someone will have a thing about the use of the word hookers. But, that’s how I feel. If you have a conniption about it, read the blog of someone who agrees with everything you think. Yes men types should stick together. I prefer to be a free thinker. I decide what I think and when I change what I think. You only have that privilege for yourself.

Anyway, I prefer the photos of Eliza fully dressed. My favourite being the full length black dress. eliza-dushkuEliza_Dushku

Men in Women’s Public Washrooms

In support of the transgender movement people are now expecting public washrooms to be gender neutral. I disagree with this idea.

Men (claiming to be supporting transgender issues) have been entering the women’s washrooms/ restrooms and filming it. I think that’s going way too far and I am really surprised people support this. Common sense says this is just putting women and children at risk for more abuse. Removing what has been a safe place and turning it into an unsafe place.

In addition, the women’s washroom is often busier than the men’s. There will be a line up of women waiting while the men’s washroom is available. Why, with this new transgender issue, are there no women filming themselves going into the men’s washroom? Why is it all about taking away the privacy of the women’s washroom?

Some supporters of laws that restrict the use of public toilets said allowing transgender people to choose their restroom could lead to women and children being attacked.  They said they feared that men could pose as transgender people and use legal protections as a cover. read more at bbc.com

How can women and children be protected from sexual predators if they can’t even rely on having privacy while they remove their underwear to use the restroom? How many transgender people are there compared to everyday gender people? As a woman who was attacked/ molested by a sexual predator in a public place (when I was a minor), I’m really against this.

Public restrooms have been used as hookups by gay men. But, until now they have kept it to the men’s restrooms. Now, when you send your child into the washroom, watching the door for their reappearance, timing how long it should take in your mind and somewhat nervously trying to let them grow up and become independent… how can you not wonder what will children be exposed to now that men have free access to the washroom?

Why not leave the public washrooms for the women be for families and the washrooms for the men can be for those who are male or sexually fluid? I can only see washroom sharing as making women easier prey for men taking upskirt photos from under the washroom stall (and other activities which I really don’t want to have to protect myself from).

Why are transgender people being put on such a great pedestal? Why are their needs given so much importance and consideration? So much that women and children are being thrown out of the lifeboats entirely.