Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday November 08, 2003
Don’t tell anyone but… I’m having a secret love affair with a guy who doesn’t know anything about it. It’s much more fun this way. Trust me. No hangups, on the phone or otherwise. No mountains of luggage, baggage and social issues. It’s so nice to come home to secret love affair guy too. Sometimes he picks me up at work and comes walking around with me as I work. We chat. It’s always light hearted fun chat. Secret love affair guy is never difficult or moody. I don’t allow it.
Too bad you can’t just make some kind of robot man to behave exactly as you want. Life would be so much friendlier and simple. Not to mention all the romance and great sex.
I guess that is my personal best as far as fetishes go. The robot man, may rust in case of rain. Tends to collect dust and require frequent doses of oil and spare parts. Lifetime guarantee. You can even inherit robot man from your Grandmother. Now there’s a picture!! Ick!
If robot man could feel would he feel like a used condom? I wonder about these things.
I wonder about many things so it’s no surprise that I can add a hundred more things to wonder about to my list of things to wonder about at the drop of a hat. How’s that for a complex sort of run on sentence? I’m not even going to fix it. I know what I mean, the rest of you can follow the bouncing ball and I wish you the best of good luck.
Anyway, back to the secret lover. He is based on a real man. I don’t indulge completely in some misty fantasy land. It would be hard to drive that way for one thing. So far I have no tickets or warnings, not bad for a flake, eh? Flake of what you may wonder. I’ve wondered that too, on and off, as wondering flakes tend to do.
So, ok, this column is supposed to be about sex you’re probably thinking by now. So here’s your dose of sex.
Was it good for you? What, can’t you read between the lines? Was the invisible ink too light for you?
I guess you missed it then. The secret love affair guy who doesn’t know he’s the secret love affair guy said he loved it. Made his hair sizzle. Not to mention other bits that tend to stick out.
Anyway, don’t tell him who he is. That would spoil everything. Just smile and keep them all guessing. Won’t that bug him when he reads this.