The Top Wanted Sexual Fantasy

This post started with a pretty simple list of top female sexual fantasies from AskMen. No surprises and kind of plain and atypical really.  I narrowed the list down to be less repetitive.

A lot of fantasies involve knowing you are desired. Men have this theme in many fantasies too. I’ve read this is a reason men pay for sex, to have that feeling of knowing their partner desires them. It’s even become a business to offer the “girlfriend/ boyfriend experience”.

I think the people who are most successful in sexual relationships, the men we call great lovers and ladies men, are the men who understand this and give it to their partners. It’s a great way to get the same back. Making someone feel desired keeps them wanting more of those feelings/ wanting the source.

So why don’t more men and women work with this information? I think there is a selfishness and insecurity which keeps many people from giving or getting the romance and sex they want. Maybe having a lot of sex makes them think they do have what they want and yet… they still have this “fantasy” of being loved, seduced, desired, taken…

Change it up – don’t create the scenario create the relationship so the scenarios can follow and be shared.

  • Dominating
  • Being dominated (force fantasies)
  • Seduction (schoolgirl/ stranger)
  • Threesome
  • Voyeurism
  • Exhibitionism (strip tease)

Source: Top 10: Female Sex Fantasies – AskMen

Do You Compliment Men?

Change things around and bring him flowers, chocolates and a sincerely meant compliment. If you can bake make him a cake, a pie or cookies, homemade may not be perfect but it’s far more intimate/ personal than something from a bakery.

Stop suggesting changes to his wardrobe and bring him flowers in bright colours instead. Later you can try a shirt or tie, inspired by the colours he liked in the flowers. Or, not, really how terrible is it that he dresses himself, even if you don’t approve of some of his choices. Keep in mind that he wants to look good, he just doesn’t want to be told to change.

A compliment will work much better. Tell him when he’s looking good. Tell him he’s having a great hair day. Tell him those pants look great on him, that shirt brings out the colour of his eyes and he looks so polished and professional when he wears that suit.

People like positive feedback, which is what compliments are. No one is going to accuse you of nagging when you give a sincere compliment to them. (Don’t try turning negative feedback into a compliment – that’s just mean and phoney).

Complimenting men is fun, once you get started. Compliment random men. The guy who held the elevator or the door for you. Smile when you say “thanks” and actually look at him too. Such a small thing can really make a difference in someone’s day, for both of you.

Being pleasant never goes out of style.

Guys love compliments

‘As men, we crave compliments. Nothing will make us happier then to be told we look good, smell good, etc. This is why… we men tend to compliment women too much sometimes. We sometimes over use the golden rule, we treat women as we want to be treated.

‘I have worked with some pretty attractive men who would get hit on often which was nothing for them but the second someone actually complimented them they lit up like a god damn gorgeous Christmas tree.’ – Betamaletim

Quote from a post at Marie Claire.

Why Don’t More Women Dom Men?

CaptureI think there would be far more women as BDSM Dominants if women understood what it really is. The male version is just a fantasy, their fantasy. The porn version is fiction, created for men who like the fantasy. So, women don’t really see what Domming is, just the FemDom fiction.

A woman who likes to Dom is not mean, vicious or nasty. It’s not about causing harm or taking out your frustrations. It’s about power, fun, creativity, romance and sensuality, among other things. I like to focus on the creativity and sensuality. (That makes it fun for me).

How many women would love to have control of their man if they really did have control? Tell him what you want, how you want it and when you want it… and he obeys. It works for the men who are submissive too.

There is no guarantee of sex with BDSM. Sex isn’t used as a reward or punishment. In Dominance and submission he doesn’t obey in order to get sex. He doesn’t obey because you command him, like a drill sergeant. He doesn’t obey because you’re wearing tight black leather and high heels. It’s not about worshipping women either, though some like to add that in. He obeys because he wants to, this is what he wants. He wants to obey. He wants to be a good boy. He wants to be happy, with you.

Have you ever told a man he’s a “good boy”? Watch his face. Those are powerful words. As a Dominant woman you can get a lot of mileage out of “good boy”. Play with it sometime. You don’t have to try anything else, just slip a “good boy” into the conversation. You can say it softly, romantically, sensually. Or, say it with power, energy and a little forcefulness.

Subtle, Simple Ways for Women to Dip into Domination

  • Hold his hand. Take his hand as you cross the street. Lead him by the hand and walk in front of him.
  • Order for him. You don’t need to order him around. Try ordering for him at a restaurant before he lets the server know what he wants.
  • Dress him. Tell him what you want him to wear next time you go out together. Pick out clothes that look good on him and tell him so if he objects.
  • Kiss him first. Pick a moment when it won’t lead to anything else. Just a quick, impulsive kiss, or a fondle, caress, tickle…
  • Ask him to touch you and tell him how to do it right (as you want to be touched). Anything from rubbing your shoulders, warming your hands, or stroking your back. It’s up to you.
  • Accept thanks and compliments from him. Don’t be modest or turn away positive comments. Reward him with a smile instead and thank him too.

None of these things are Earth shattering. But, you can get a feeling for being in power in your relationship. You can see how fun it is and start to want more. Also, as you take charge you begin to ask for more, expect more and then it’s just a step farther to telling him you’re going to try something new… like blindfolding him or not letting him touch you with his hands while you have your own way with him.

For women who really enjoy Domination it’s not about wearing tight costumes, carrying a whip or being a bitch. Those can be elements of it, if that’s what you actually want. But, BDSM can be all about sensuality and pleasure. As a Dominant woman you just do it YOUR way. The hard part is sticking to doing it your way and not letting things slip into giving him what he wants while you wait for it to be over. There is nothing so dull and boring as being a McDomme, a woman doing what he wants, his way and wishing you had brought along a good book for yourself.

Romantic Rose Ring 

This appeals to my romantic side. Rickson also makes Claddagh rings (her own design on the traditional style). I bought one of those last year. Since then I’ve kept an eye on her shop to see what other designs come along.

This Sterling Rose ring is the perfect gift or diamond engagement ring for that special woman in your life who appreciates unique, alternative

Source: Rose Ring Unique Alternative Engagement Ring by Ricksonjewellery

What Men and Women Want

This is an interesting list. I read it as men wanting forgiveness when they don’t meet a woman’s needs but still expect sex and intimacy in spite of all that.

 

What women want:

1. Loving devotion in a committed relationship.

2. Thoughtful, honest behavior.

3. Generosity of spirit.

4. Satisfying sex.

What men want:

1. Sex.

2. Freedom.

3. Forgiveness.

4. Appreciation.

Source: The Top 4 Romantic Wishes of Men and Women | Psychology Today

Look at where sex comes in on both lists. If women were getting more commitment, appreciation and romance, sex would be higher on their list too.

Maybe a new Viagra for women isn’t going to change anything. (Just a thought).

On the other hand, reading just the men’s list, they seem to want to be Teflon. Have sex, forget about us, be forgiven and appreciated for… what exactly?

Now men will protest and say I’m unfair. So lets read down the women’s list the same way. Women seem to want someone they can appreciate and then have sex with. Women want a man to be with them, be honest and share life with them – that’s the person they could appreciate and have sex with. Funny that appreciation is at the bottom of the list for men. Don’t men care what we think?

See, it is an interesting list.

Invisible Boyfriend… He’s Around Here Somewhere…

I do understand the idea behind the Invisible Boyfriend and the Invisible Girlfriend but…

Isn’t it like paying for a glass of cool, clear water only to wake up and find yourself still in the desert, thirsty?

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My Husband Doesn’t Understand Me

Isn’t this pretty much the same reason husbands say they cheat?

But all were clear that they were not leaving their current relationship. These weren’t monkeys getting a grip on the next branch before letting go of the first. They just wanted to feel what they used to feel from the man in their life.

The most common complaint was a lack of passion and effort by the man in their current relationship. It makes sense. When a man begins dating a woman, he puts in tons of effort; he woos her. Once she’s “his,” he stops putting in that effort, but she still longs for it. She wants to be desired, seduced, and connected with on a regular basis. So many men seem to be missing the boat. They start strong, having a decent sense of how to capture a woman at the beginning, but upon entering a relationship they are unprepared for the long haul and investment a successful relationship demands past the dating phase. The situation starts to reek of complacency and satisfaction in mediocrity.

via: I went undercover on Ashley Madison to find out why women cheat.

poiseDo people just need to put more effort into their marriage to get what they both want out of it? Or, did they marry someone for all the wrong reasons and now the sex isn’t enough to sustain a relationship?

I do agree that women are more likely to cheat for emotional reasons than physical reasons.

Another reason – pregnancy and children. But, this could just as well be a reason for single women too. I do know that was the only thing which caused me to ever consider cheating on my husband. (He changed his mind about having children soon after we were married).

I don’t think looking for sex or affection/ romance are good reasons to cheat on a spouse or lover. Not because it’s dishonest (though that is part of it) but because you aren’t likely to find what you are looking for with someone willing to have a temporary, non-committal relationship.

If you just want sex, help the economy and pay for it.

If you want romance try finding it with the one you’re married to before you go screwing around and making things a mess for your spouse and family. How romantic is it going to feel when it all comes crashing down around you?

About Sexual Rejection From Women

I’d add to Gracie’s post (see below) and say the hormones for men and women are on opposing sides. For men sex is pretty simple, you’re in and then your’re done. For women sex isn’t simple. Getting pregnant is just one thing.

Although I think it is changing for younger people, those just coming out of high school, women have been taught/ brain washed to dislike our bodies and think we should not have sex. That’s a combination that doesn’t work out so well for men who want simple, easy sex.

A typical woman does not go a day without seeing standards of female beauty, vitality and sexuality plastered all over her world. This does not make the typical woman feel desirable. No wonder she doesn’t feel like having sex any and every time he asks. How many men could go through a day of being shown how inadequate they are and then perform upon request?

Also, being asked for sex in a “pass the salt” way is not romantic. Not that every sexual encounter should or must be romantic, but… It shouldn’t be as commonplace as going to the bathroom either.

Could men put some effort into getting sex? Beyond just asking and expecting sex, could men make it seem like they care versus just taking care of a bodily function? If men need more sex then do what women have done since the dawn of time: masturbate. The orgasms are much better, fantasies are great, and there’s less mess to clean up. What do men think all those rejected women do when they get home, alone?

Dudes, your hormones (primarily, anyway) cycle every 24 hours; that, and not your love for us, is why you get a woody every morning. On the other hand, our cycle of hormones is a bit more complicated and lengthy than that; the result is that we are on far less of a “daily horny schedule” than men. And that’s before we get into realities like the processes of pregnancy and menopause. We don’t just age and change to disrupt your fantasies and desires; we ride the wild wave of our biology because that’s fucking life. Literally.

In a civilized culture, where humanity & good citizenry is defined largely by our ability to override our animal nature, hormones still have their way with us. Even amidst our culture wars and culture lag, they play their role. But, romance aside, if culture is to override such base things as biology, then something desperately needs to be done in terms of equality and the messages being sent to and about women.

Source: Hetero Men Complain About Sexual Rejection From Women. Really? | Sex~Kitten.net