Pick Your Adventure, Domme Style

My boyfriend has recently told me he’s always wanted a femdom. I keen on doing this for him, but I’m not sure how to go about it. What kind of dirty talk do femdoms use, and would I get him to do anything I want him to do and not things he would want to do for me?

Fake, or not? This is one of those borderline comments. Even if it is comment spam, the question is at least relevant.

First, FemDoms may use a book of instructions but there is no guarantee we will follow them.

That’s the difference between being a FemDom (I prefer Domme) or a paid sex worker. Your rules – your way, mostly. Of course, you don’t set fire to him or anything extreme you may do in a fit of anger and regret later. You also take his wishes into account.

Dirty talk is a fetish. Do you like it? If so, try it out in reality and see if both of you like it. Maybe it sounded, or looked, good in pornography but doesn’t work out so well in actuality. I don’t really like dirty talk. I’d have more fun coming up with punishments for a dirty talker than being a dirty talker. But, I would not encourage dirty talk just for the sake of getting “punishment”.

When I think punishment, it is not in quotation marks. It’s real, it’s not all that pleasant or enjoyable. Punishment does not have to be something awful, painful or extreme. The best punishments are something he doesn’t like, would rather avoid but isn’t allergic to. This is where you need to know your boy, his likes and dislikes. What makes him squirm, twitch or need to be rushed to the hospital?

Secondly, what doesn’t he want to do for you?

Why doesn’t he want to do it? Does he have a good, valid and acceptable reason? Pour yourself a nice glass of wine (or coffee in my case as I don’t care for wine that much). Leave your boy to write out a list of reasons why he won’t do what you want him to do. Ask for at least 50 reasons, or however long it takes for you to enjoy that glass of wine without having to share any.

On the other hand, what do you want him to do?

Have a list of your own, prepare ahead.

  • Learn how to give a manicure and pedicure and then pamper you once he has mastered the skills and bought the right colours of nail polish?
  • Clean kitchen, garage, bathroom and muck out the inside of the oven until it sparkles to your satisfaction?
  • Make dinner (from your menu choices), clean up and then become your chauffeur for a night out with the girls?
  • Be your silent, unmoving, foot stool while you watch the TV shows he usually whines about having to watch with you?
  • Polish and wax your car and perform minor repairs, oil changes, etc?

The list is as endless as you want it to be. If he doesn’t want to do something he needs to give good reasons for it. He isn’t running the show – that’s the point of Dom versus sub. Pleasing him isn’t going to work unless you (the Domme) are pleased as well.

So you need to know what pleases you. It may have nothing to do with sex, fetishes or being kinky. Or, cater his kinky desires to your own needs, wants and desires. If he wants to perform domestic service – give him an apron. If he wants to be humiliated – shine a spotlight on him and you don’t even need to say a word. If he wants to sniff your feet – give him your shoes and boots to clean and polish first (no spit shine!).

Do you want to see him squirm? Do you want to tease him? Then play with him but in your own way. What would be fun for you? Make it last. Torment him. Tease him and keep him guessing. Make sure it doesn’t get monotonous for you though. Toss in a few surprises along the way. Or just end things when you’ve had enough. Choose how things end for him and yourself. Do you want an orgasm? Should he be allowed to have a “happy ending”? You, the Domme, decides.

Gorgeous Sparkling Brooch

See, I’m not that hard to please and I don’t have incredibly expensive tastes. this daisy sparkler is only $14. I would love this for Valentine’s Day. I don’t have a Valentine and I’m not especially looking for one. They are really only seasonal, Valentines I mean. Brooches never go out of style, or season!

daisy sparkler

via – Round Brooch with Blue Stones | New Leaf Galleries | Home Again.

A Conference of Dommes

Read more about Wank Wednesday and the smut written for the writing prompt “conference”.

Three of us arrived at the coffee shop. You would think we had planned it that way, so co-ordinated. Of course, it wasn’t planned at all. In spite of what the men like to think, Dommes have a life outside of fetishes. Anyway, that’s just my pet peeve. We did get there, right at the door, at the same time. I knew the others were Dommes right away by their tattoos, black leather and other fetish wear. They had no idea about me.

They walked in and picked a table by a window. I didn’t go over, instead I went to the counter and got my latte first. I considered something gooey and chocolate too but I am trying very hard to be good and resist sweets. My sister is getting married and I’d like to have a few less curves at the wedding. Don’t think I am too slender, one of those women forever working on her shape. I’m better than voluptuous already. I licked my lips, looking at the chocolates from a local bakery and ordered a toasted cream cheese bagel instead. I was going to miss lunch anyway.

Turning around with my latte and the tag that promised a bagel would be delivered soon, I assessed the room and sucked in a breath. I don’t fit in. That’s not a size thing, I just don’t look the way people picture a Dom woman should look. I look like me. It’s really enough just being me. I’ve taken about 40 years to get this far so I really don’t want to be someone else or get into some role play to suit anyone else. Life should be less complicated than that.

Both of the women were up at the counter now. The sub had arrived however, and was guarding the table and the three empty seats around him. He had a little of the shell shocked look, nervous and yet clingy looking and wanting to please too. Too much. Not going to be one I’d have fond memories of. Too needy was never a good thing in male submissives.

I picked my way over to the table, plonked my purse down on the floor to one side of a chair and set down my latte with the care a good coffee deserves. I set the bagel claim tag in the middle of the table, easily visible. I did not look at the sub or acknowledge him. I could feel him noticing me, nervous, wondering why I had chosen to sit there and how was he going to ask me to move, politely. Silly man. They really can’t see beyond the black leather they expect.

The other women came to the table, together again. They must know each other. But we had all met virtually, through the online D/s group. This conference was planned a week ago. It took that long to work out the time and day for everyone. We greeted each other by just meeting eyes across the table. It wasn’t an informal occasion and we were going to keep the subbie nervous and guessing intentionally. There were no introductions from the women but the sub knew the protocol and we were letting him sink or swim with it. So far he was sinking.

My cream cheese bagel was brought and I smiled and thanked the barista. Still the sub was silent, looking at each of us in turn but not following the program. It could be a really short conference at this rate. My latte was really good. The other women were quietly drinking their coffee as well. Both had gone the bagel route as well. Looks like I’m not the only one not giving in to chocolate temptations.

The male sub had nothing, he wasn’t allowed to order anything himself. He had to ask for anything he wanted during this conference. But, he was to introduce himself first. Then he was to get to the point of this conference by offering himself as a male sub for the Domme Tea Party being organized in the Spring, next year. We needed to be really picky about the men attending. They had to really know their place and yet not be the needy, begging, clingy types. It was a fine line.

I pulled my purse onto my lap and pulled out my little ladybug watch to check the time but mostly to give this sub half a clue. It was a quarter of an hour since I had walked in the door. If he didn’t start soon I could leave in about 20 minutes and still use my original transfer to catch the bus home. As nice as it would be to save a few bucks…

When I looked up the other two women were looking at the sub, less patiently. He must be feeling like a turkey trussed up for the oven if their heated glares were anything to go by. I’d laugh, but this was a formal meeting.

The sub jumped up from the table and ran into the washroom. Then I did laugh. The other women sort of laughed and rolled their eyes.

“Should we wait for him or just strike him off the subbie list now?” One of them asked. I’m pretty sure she was Jeannette, the one who liked black leather.

“I think we’re done here, as far as the conference goes. At least the coffee really is good. I’ll be back next time I’m in the area.” I said.

“How was the trip? Did the bus get there in good time?” Shondra was the other woman. She had gotten a ride today but was a regular bus taker too. So she appreciated the hour long bus ride.

“It was all good. I still have my trusty Walkman.”

We didn’t have much else to say then. Shondra didn’t want to keep her ride home waiting any longer than necessary so she left first. Jeannette finished her bagel and coffee. I think she was just curious to see if the subbie put in another appearance or tried to slink out unnoticed. But, he didn’t. She offered me a ride home, which was very nice of her. But, I was enjoying the latte and being a latte poke, I was quite happy to sit there by the window with a good book for awhile longer. So she left too.

I pulled out my book but people watching from the window kept me from reading much. It was so nice to be out, having the rest of the day to myself, unplanned and unpromised.

I think I did jump a bit, startled, when the sub came out of hiding and sat back down in his same seat next to me. “Hi.” He said. His breath smelled bad. Likely he had worked himself up and done more than just wash his hands in there. In the time between I had gotten out of formal mode and didn’t really want to deal with him. I guess I should have known I’d be stuck with him if I didn’t leave when the others did. Sometimes I am just really bad at picking up on the social things. I bet Jeannette thought I had intentionally stayed to talk to the subbie. I hadn’t.

“Hello.” I said back, the Canadian nice girl thing not letting me ignore him after a direct greeting. I didn’t offer a smile or any friendly encouragement. Maybe he’d just go away.

“I guess I really blew the whole thing.” He looked down at the table for a moment. But snapped up again with a sparkle of hope in his eyes. “Do you think they’d give me another chance?”

I would have given him a polite answer at that point. But, he leaned towards me, I could really smell his barf breath, then he put his hand on my thigh. Well, what would you do if that were you?

It isn’t my way to lose my own dignity in a public place, especially a place with such great coffee. I just stood up, packed up my purse with my book and the few bites left of my bagel wrapped up in a napkin. I pushed the lid onto my latte and walked out the door. No looking back. It was ruined by the fact that I had to wait for the bus, almost right outside the door. But, this one time in my life, the bus arrived right when I needed it to. No one got off and no one but me got on. So off I went.

Did he get the clue, you may wonder? No, he did not. Next day he was back posting to the Tea Party forum and asking for another conference. He even insisted he had gotten three bad Dommes who didn’t understand or give him a real chance. But, a month later he was nothing but gone. Usually those wanker types don’t have any endurance, in any way that matters.

Not Just for Brides

I posted about these brooches made into bouquets for weddings on my other blog. I found them being called brooch bouquets, this one was called a blooming brooch.  But, really why should they just be for weddings? They are gorgeous and would be a nice project, something to do with a brooch collection if you have several you don’t wear very often.  It’s not something you would wear, the shape is too bulky, but it would be a lovely way to display all your brooches and add a lot of sparkle to the room. What a great centrepiece on the table. Rather than having your brooches tucked away in a jewelry box they could be a showpiece for you every day.

A Little Mystery if you Please…

Deck yourself in black for the holiday season.

Black Gothic Costume Choker Necklace And Earring Set

Wrap yourself in dramatic black for the holiday season.

Victorian Corsage Flower Brooch (Silver&Jet Black)

They aren’t shown as a set on Amazon, but someone should have thought to put them all together. Not everyone wants to sparkle the same way, basic black and simple, understated drama. A little mystery if you please.