Practical Romance for the Middle Aged Woman

romanceWhen I was 16, still fresh and far less cynical or skeptical, I read the old style of Harlequin romance novels. The heroines were always virgins and no one thought about using condoms. Men were gentlemen. Women didn’t have sex on a first date. Romance was syrupy sweet with flowers and dates that didn’t include making out or sex. Don’t think there weren’t steamy kissing scenes and lots of holding and hugging and so on. The old Harlequin romances stopped just short of sex.

Now I’m not 16 any more. I’m somewhere in the middle of being middle aged. At least I hope I am. No one has really given me a cut off date on that. (I’m not really looking too hard for one). I don’t read the old Harlequin romances any more. They seem pretty standard now. The stories are the same, only the names and locations have been changed. (I read paranormal romance, I admit but I prefer science fiction, mysteries and less horrifying horror books). I still like some romance in the books I read but I like humour much more.

My style has changed. I’ve gone from syrupy romance to wanting romance to have something practical and real behind it.

It must be something that happens with age. I still read younger women posting quotes, photos and stories about romance, heavy on the sweet and syrupy side. I can’t get into any of it. I don’t see it as something real.

So, I wondered about my style of romance now. I do know that I still want romance. A little hand holding, if his hands are clean. I like the door opened and I like to open the door for him too.

What is Sex, Actually?

When you hear sex education you likely assume it’s all about sex. However, there is more to sex education than sex alone. There are things like sexless marriages, virginity, menopause, fetishes and kinky stuff too.

Have you ever thought about what sex actually is?

Does sex have to be about penetration? What if you and a partner are into mutual masturbation, does that mean you have not had sex? If you say yes to that, does that mean lesbians have never had sex (unless you count being artificially penetrated – assuming they use such things)?

What about people who choose not to have sex, is there something wrong with them or is it just a choice? If there isn’t something wrong with that choice what does it say about people who have a lot of sex or think they are deprived if they haven’t had sex in a week? Are they oversexed?

I think sex is embarrassing. People don’t really want to talk about it, face to face. When you have sex you look pretty silly and sound worse. I’m amazed the human species has made it this far when I think about what sex actually is, especially in the past when consent wasn’t an issue.

So much about sex is all in your perspective. When you are intimate with someone you forget to be embarrassed. If you are someone who has sex frequently that seems normal to you. Someone else who has sex less often is normal too. It doesn’t mean they have less libido, less desire or are less attractive. They have a different perspective.

All this fuss about sex and then… menopause. What is the purpose of sex? I’ve thought about that. As a woman over 45, child-less and now waiting for menopause I sometimes feel angry about the whole sex thing. I think sex has let me down in every way that counts. I didn’t especially love sex when I was married, or before or since. I got married for the purpose of having companionship and children. I never found out if I were infertile, that didn’t become an issue because my husband changed his mind about children and being married. We’re divorced. Not because of sex.

Retro Internet: The 1500 Point Purity Test

Long ago, in the days of the Internet surfing highway, there was a purity test with over 1000 questions. I found a copy of it. Posted for your viewing (or take the test) pleasure.

THE UNISEX PURITY TEST

If you thought the millenial purity test was bad, well you ain’t see
nuttin’ yet!

This is the 1500 point Purity Test!

We felt that the 1000 point version lost a lot of the “fun” of the
earlier versions, so we re-wrote it, adding a few new sections, and
a shitload of questions. This test is guaranteed to be nosier that
your parents, more invasive than the census, and containing something
to offend everybody.

Also included is an answer form so that you can remember where in the
test you were, or show to a friend.

Continue reading Retro Internet: The 1500 Point Purity Test

Sadness, Sex and Orgasms

sadness sex orgasms

I feel sad. No one died but I feel sad.

Sex and sadness seldom go together. When did you last see porn where someone was sad? We are all supposed to love sex and want more of it. What if you don’t?

To not want sex, if you are a woman, means you must be a lesbian, frigid, a professional virgin, an ice maiden, deathly ill or a man hater.

I’ve read about pills being created to boost a woman’s libido. Why do men seem to think their needs should be considered the right point of view? What if a woman (or a man) just isn’t interested in sex? Can that just be allowed and not turned into something else? It is entirely possible that sex isn’t all that desirable. What if you’re asexual and happy that way?

Sex is a real let down. Sex is lonely. Sex is messy and one sided. Sex is inconvenient. Sex is over rated.

I prefer BDSM over sex. I prefer kinkiness and fetishes over sex. I’d rather laugh at some poor little man in peril than have sex with him or let him have sex with me.

That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy an orgasm. I give myself excellent orgasms. Letting a man give me an orgasm is a chore. I have to focus on it, I have to let him touch me and I have to remove clothing I may not be in the mood to remove. Plus, I have to communicate, be nice and then deal with him before and after. What an annoyance.

All I really wanted was an orgasm. Sometimes I like penetration – but I don’t need a man for that. I have a soft vibrator which whirls and swirls in all sorts of patterns, strengths and motions. No man can do all that. As long as I have battery power I’m set to go. I have great orgasms as often as I want them. I used to have one every evening It was a good way to slow down my mind and settle myself to relax and sleep.

I’m not as interested in orgasms these days. Maybe it’s because I’m sad. Maybe I’m just getting older or maybe it just doesn’t seem all that important any more. I think it’s mainly the last one of those but a combination of all three.

Sex is made so important in our culture. Too important. We make the young people feel they should lose their virginity as soon as they have their first period and boys should be having sex daily. I don’t know who they are supposed to be having all that sex with. Personally, I have no interest at all in being a cougar. It really does seem you will be despoiling the young. I know so much more than they do. There are things in my head which should not be in their mind until they are at least half as old as I am.

We make people think they should be having sex every day and if they aren’t there must be something wrong with them. Being a virgin is like saying you are broken or unwanted, unlovable. I was a virgin until I was 30+ and then I had the best sexual experience of my life – with the man I married (who was also a virgin). By today’s standards we were both mutant freaks. But… have you ever made love with a mutant freak who touched you as if you were precious and made you feel treasured? I have.

I’ve had dates where the man did not even look at me but assumed I’d have sex with him once we finished our coffee.

Compare those experiences. There is no comparison. I can never have the first again, it just won’t ever be the same. The second I turned down without regret.

It seems we lack emotion when it comes to sex. We see so much sex in movies and television, even in advertising. We become immune to it. Sex becomes background. I skip the sex scenes when I read a book. I get actually bored and feel dissatisfied when characters have sex in movies and such. It’s bland. It’s routine – no matter what new moves they add to it, it is not real enough to feel interesting. It lacks imperfection. It lacks emotion like sadness.

If you see people having sex when they are sad it is after a death. Why does someone have to die for there to be sex and sadness?

Why can’t sex be about real people? People who don’t want to bother with sex. People who play but skip the sex. People who may be sad and not want sex but still like companionship without being pressured or guilted into having sex.

This post is part of #AdultSexEdMonth

Real Women

Originally posted to Sex Kitten (2003 – 2004)

What is your body for? Some people might think it’s a mode of transportation for their brain. Some people might think it’s something to be used to lure men to their doom, like the legendary sirens. Some might talk about procreation, having babies, continuing the species, all that sort of stuff. Some others might think it’s just advertising in motion.

Whatever it’s for, do you know much about how it works? How do breasts make milk for babies? Why does your vagina leak even when you aren’t having an orgasm? Why do women have hair in odd places where only men should have hair? These and other questions can be answered if you care to find out. Most young women don’t know about milk ducts, or how the vagina cleans itself by leaking mucus. They don’t know what makes a woman’s breasts start having milk. Why are they so ignorant?

I think it’s because we are so focused on making women’s bodies into sex toys that we have forgotten there is a real purpose for women being different from men. It’s not just a way to turn them on. No, Virginia, there really is a vagina, not just a pussy.

Women have babies, that’s the whole point of that period thing women get monthly. Women feed babies, that’s why we have those pair of lumps stuck to the front of us. Women give birth to babies that’s why our hips tend to be wider than men’s. No, it’s not all there to sell cars, sorry, you have been sadly misinformed.

The saddest thing of all is that so many women are getting breast implants. A breast implant turns what starts out as a natural thing into nothing but a sex toy. Once implanted with those plastic bags of goop a breast can no longer function for breast feeding a baby. Is that such a small price to pay for having the biggest hooters. Is that all there is? Is that all you want to be?

Real women have breasts, not tits. Real women have a vagina, not a love tunnel. Real women are women, not sex toys or a great marketing campaign. They might not be size 2 with a D cup bra but I can tell you one thing, real women live for themselves, they don’t wait around for some man to approve.

I Like Taking Myself to Bed

This is my contribution to #AdultSexEdMonth. This is personal and does contain mentions of taboo sexual fetishes and kinks. I don’t apologize for the contents of my sexual fantasies. 

I have a problem with sex. The problem happens when I involve anyone else with my enjoyment of sex. Masturbation is divine. You won’t catch me saying that to anyone, in person. But, masturbation is fully under my control, there is no feedback from cheap seats and I can do whatever I want to myself because I know what I like and how I like it. I explore self pleasuring – I’ve been doing it for a few decades and I’m just getting better at it all the time.

Why does sex have to be about more than one person? I think most people consider self pleasure to still be a selfish act. Or, something for only the lonely.

In actual fact, the best sex I have ever had (except for one very special situation) has been when I was alone in the room. Alone in the building even. In my thoughts I am sometimes alone on the planet even but for my trusty sex bot, or some weird space alien, or other creature from my imagination or readings of other people’s erotica. I do love a good story.

In my sexual fantasies nothing is taboo. I can masturbate my way to orgasm with fantasies of being abducted, alien men with extreme and unusually shaped cocks, age play (based on my own experience of being molested in a movie theatre – which does seem strange to me but nevertheless), sex with animals (the only time I like being near a dog) or anything else wild, dangerous and among the things I would never do in reality and would not even discuss or admit to anyone who knows me.

Having a great imagination and making use of it for your own pleasure does not make you a sexual deviant, it may make you a sexual oddity. But there is nothing law breaking about dreaming up assorted sexual situations while you lie in bed, sit at your desk or in the car… and give yourself a great orgasm.

I have learned to be quiet and fairly quick about it. I almost had my first orgasm when I was about 10. The sensations freaked me out so I stopped at the beginning of the build up. I had no idea why my body was reacting the way it was then. I hadn’t read anything about sex. Parents and sexual education in school didn’t talk about women having orgasms, how your body could flush with pleasure and then burst, all without breaking anything.

In those days I had fantasies about being looked after by a TV doctor, Dr. Kildare for those old enough to know or curious enough to look it up. Richard Chamberlain was the actor. I know this fantasy was based on my issues with my Father. I wanted that caring Daddy who would wrap me up in cotton balls, kiss me gently and make me feel good. I didn’t know about sex toys and had none. I used to bring things to bed with me and use them to play with myself. I won’t go into the assortment but, pens and pencils became my favourite bedtime pastime. Twirling a pencil over my clitoris was a good sensation.

My first orgasm came not from any understanding or knowledge about what I was doing. It was just an accident, on purpose. I was curious about the build up of sensations and finally became curious enough to keep going and see what happened next. I was a little frightened, maybe more than a little. Still, some part of my brain must have known it wasn’t unnatural, in spite of how unusual it seemed. After that first orgasm many more were to follow. By the time I was in my later twenties I was enjoying an orgasm daily. By myself.

I was a virgin, technically, until I was in my early thirties. That was the sex I mentioned earlier. We were both virgins, both the same age and both social misfits. We had been friends for years before sex came into it. We are friends again since the divorce too. So I am one of those old fashioned types who married the first man she slept with. By the way, having sex as a virgin, with a virgin was phenomenal. I doubt it would have been that amazing if we had both been younger. Without having the experience yourself I don’t think you can really ever know what it is like to have your body worshipped.

Anyway, back to the masturbation.

Masturbation can be done with nothing at all, this makes it very portable, mobile even. Sometimes I do like the feeling of something else touching me, something that does not return the feeling which I get from using my own fingers. I used to use the pencils and pens but I have since graduated to a vibrator. I don’t use batteries in it. For one thing, the noise is distracting and for another, I don’t need it to jump or shimmy or vibrate. I like it to penetrate me – but only the odd time. Mostly I like the vibrator (it’s a soft one, not hard plastic) to rub over my clitoris and push just inside the inner lips of my vagina.  I’ve read that vagina only has sensation, the ability to feel, for the first few inches. I have found it to be true. Although I can enjoy the fantasy of being penetrated by something huge, in fact, I enjoy the dip more than the fill up.

Our culture has so many taboos about women and sex, masturbation and virginity and there I was right in the cross-hairs of all three.  I haven’t slept around since the divorce and the marriage itself was light on the sex. But, I don’t feel deprived, anxious or abnormal. I love the orgasms I give myself. Men just seem to mess it all up.

My last actual boyfriend talked so much about how much sex we would have and then… he changed his mind. It ended up with me masturbating him and getting very little back from him. That just isn’t going to work out for me. It was ok for awhile but cock sucking is a double edged thing. I heard my brother and his friends call each other cock suckers and they didn’t mean it like it was a good thing. So, how can men expect women to become cock suckers if being a cock sucker is a bad thing? You can’t have it both ways. So, cock sucking makes me feel dirty, used and angry too.

So, sex with men has not really panned out for me. Men don’t really seem to get it. For one thing they focus on their own needs and when it comes to a woman they think of boobs and pussy, if that much. I want a man who knows I have a body, who discovers how aroused I can get by having my back stroked, lightly scratched and rubbed. I want a man who pats my bum and slips his finger into my pussy from behind. I want a man to explore sensual kinkiness and fetishes with me. I want a man who is masculine and knows what he wants but likes to have a woman in charge sexually. I want a man I can tie up, put in a cage and tease and torment and then laugh at him while he squirms. I want a man who can be a partner in my sexual fantasies and then add his own twist, or take over and become the Daddy who takes care of me but coaxes me to do bad things, naughty things…

I haven’t found that man. I think he might be available in years to come. Ordered online and shipped in a crate. I’d like mine to have a wind up key and an off button. It would be nice if he can also shrink in size for some of my fantasies about little men, like the tiny people from Gulliver’s Travels. I won’t go into details, just leave that for your own kinky, sensual imagination the next time you have some time to yourself and let your fingers do the walking.

Masturbation is very relaxing in the evening when you can’t sleep. (Just in case you didn’t already know).

How to Write a Great Adult Dating Profile

Note: This was originally publishing on HubPages but the site is run by a pack of Christian virgins apparently. Too much adult content! Thus it is removed and relocated here.

Be Honest About Yourself and What you Want

Don’t lie about anything.It’s much easier to meet someone you haven’t lied to.

Don’t lie about your weight, height, and personal appearance in general.

Don’t claim to love animals and children, if you don’t.

Don’t claim to be a non-smoker if you’re still trying to quit.

Really know what you want when it comes to a serious relationship or something quick and meaningless. Choose to place your ad on an adult dating site which suits your needs. Don’t look for one night stands on a site which focuses on making real connections, couples and long term romance.

Make sure you say what you want from a relationship upfront and look for others who do the same. Anyone who can’t give you specifics is not a good risk.

Decide on three things you must have in the person you are looking for. Sticking to three which are most important leaves you open to meeting people who might not fit the cookie cutter ideal you want but could turn out to be great, better than the ideal you have carried around in your imagination.

Make a list of thing most important things you want someone to know about yourself. Put them in order of importance and write about them in that order. When someone reads your profile they will get a sense of who you are and what is most important to you.

Explain and illustrate your points. Don’t write an essay but if you can show a little depth and knowledge about your interests you seem to be someone who really does care about whatever you are writing about AND you will be putting more effort into meeting someone and caring about communicating with them.

A Little Modesty Goes a Long Way

People will be more attracted and believe a profile which does not sound like a bragging loud mouth. Write about your achievements, your best features but don’t go overboard on selling them. Let them be found rather than broadcasting them.

People like discovering on their own rather than being led around and told what to think.

Write About Who you Really Are, Not Who you Think you Should Be

Don’t write a profile where you have no flaws. Write about yourself with flaws included. But, you don’t have to make yourself sound bad. If you’re working to quit smoking – say that. It’s always good to write about things you are working on changing for the better. But, even things you can’t change might fit right in with someone else who has flaws of their own.

Don’t claim interests and hobbies you haven’t ever done or haven’t done in years, unless you are honest about it. You can write about having an interest in sailing even if you only sailed once in your life. Just make it plain that you aren’t an expert (have only sailed once but loved it) and would like to find someone who shares your interest.

Start with a Great Opening Line

Just because your profile starts with the opening line doesn’ t mean you have to write it that way. Leave this for last, after you have written the rest of your profile and you have a feeling for the image of yourself you are giving and what you have already said about yourself.

Wrap up your good points and the basic information about your age, location and such in the opening line. Give people a reason to expect you are the person they want to find. But, don’t be boring about it. Think up an interesting way to introduce yourself.

“Busy 40ish photographer in Smalltown, Ontario looking for a woman with creative flair.”

Active, single Mom in Smalltown, Ontario looking for a single Dad jogging partner.”

Don’t Skip the Photo

When you post a photo don’t show nudity, don’t be underdressed, try for a casual everyday look. Dressing up in a suit and tie or cocktail dress is great. But, too much will make you seem insincere and phony. All flash on the surface, without real depth.

Don’t look directly into the camera for your profile photo. It can put people off cause you seem to be glaring or too intense. Smiling is a good thing too. The best profile photo is one where you look relaxed.

Spelling Counts!

Don’t post or leave your profile as finished and ready to go live until you have checked your spelling, punctuation and grammar. You may not be an English professor but you can use software to check your spelling. You can read your profile out loud and hear how it sounds. Does it make sense. Does it flow or seem kind of awkward. Fix it before you post it.

How to Decide if Someone is Sincere About Meeting

Can they verify they live in your area? Do they know about local places like restaurants and locations? Can they tell you anything someone couldn’t have found by looking at Google Maps?

Do they talk about themselves? Do they tell you enough to make you feel connected to a real person?

Do they ask questions about you? Do you feel they want to get to know you beyond the photo you provided on the dating site? Or, do they not ask you anything about who you are or seem to really want to find out how well you could match up together?

Are they willing to talk on the phone about getting together and making plans? Do they give you a phone number with a local area code?

Does their dating profile show real photos, of themselves? Does the photo match the text description on the site?

Do they go ahead and make plans and then show up? Or do they cancel or change their mind… Beware giving out second chances. You could be started in a relationship where you just get strung along.

Articles About Profile Writing

Middle Aged Virgins are Real People Too

You’re Not the Only One

What’s so terrible about being a virgin that people feel ashamed of it and think they have to get rid of their virginity?

If you are a middle aged or adult virgin, you aren’t alone.

The general stereotype is to think any one still a virgin after age 30 or even 40 and beyond

  • must hate the opposite sex,
  • be very frigid or have sexual hang ups,
  • be very religious,
  • be gay or
  • be so ugly no one will touch them.

It doesn’t occur to people that some middle aged people just haven’t found anyone that interesting, attractive or desireable.

I was a virgin (not having sex with anyone) until the age of 32. My boyfriend and I were both virgins (we were the same age too). I would not trade my first experience for any of the younger, fumbling and painful sex my friends had as younger women. Having sex at the age of 32 with another older virgin was the best intercourse I have ever had. It was intense. Not because I wanted the sex, there was no desperation, but because my body was worshipped, explored and discovered. We knew each other, had become friends before becoming lovers and we both wanted to enjoy the experience. The pace was leisurely. We took our time, we talked and we found out everything about touching each other. I didn’t have an orgasm, that happened later, after we were together a few times. That first time we indulged ourselves and it was fantastic.

But, I had already taken my own virginity, as far as the actual penetration. If I had not, that first time together would have been less romantic, by far.

Being the first for your partner is hot, especially when you are a woman. (At least from my point of view). We married later, and divorced. I’ve had a few boyfriends in the years since – but have not been physically intimate with more than one of them. I still think of sex as something I choose to share, not something I need to share. That’s the big difference for me. I don’t want scratch an itch, I want to share an erotic, romantic and sensual experience with someone who cares about me. I don’t settle for less. That’s why I was never in a race to lose my virginity. It wasn’t about being a virgin, it was about being selective.

Virginity as a Fetish

It’s ironic that the very act of keeping your virginity turns you into a fetish. When men know a young woman is a virgin she becomes desirable. They want to take away the very thing they lust for. This was my experience as a young woman, a virgin.

Let’s be clear, the men don’t desire you as a woman, a person or someone they could really get to know, fall in love with and build a life together. No, all they want is sex.

On the Internet men would be turned on by my virginity and they would offer to have sex with me. Some offered to teach me, take me under their wing. They promised they were really ‘good’ sexually and would make sure the experience was ‘good’ for me too.

They couldn’t grasp the concept that I was a virgin by choice. I wasn’t feeling a pressing need to stop being a virgin for the sake of not being a virgin. Being a virgin wasn’t a disease I needed to cure, it just meant I wasn’t getting screwed.

I don’t know how the experience is for young men who don’t begin having sex right away. For me it was a mass of contradictions and my parents did not help. My Mother was not uptight about it. She left it up to me. But, as I became older and still wasn’t with any guy, she wondered why I wasn’t. My Father never bothered to talk to me about anything but I knew he expected his daughters to be “good girls”.

Friends, who were dealing with the same issues were more approachable, insightful and gave me real perspective. Most of my friends were virgins through high school. But a few had boyfriends they were having sex with. None of them went into detail about their first experiences. I know now they just didn’t want to be alarming about the pain and the disappointment. For a woman, losing her virginity is no picnic. It hurts! It hurts a lot. It doesn’t matter what kind of preparation you do. Don’t believe the romance novels! Having sex for the first time feels like you’ve just had a blunt object forced into your body. Oddly enough, that’s what it is.

I lost my virginity, the actual act of being penetrated, by myself. I bought a sex toy and late at night, when I was alone and fairly relaxed, I used it. There was pain. There was pain, not just at the point of insertion but all the way up inside. I did not see much blood however. The second time I did it, weeks later, there was less pain.

So there is the virginity losing reality, for women. It hurts, it’s not romantic and fun or easy.

Don’t give in to pressure to lose your virginity. Don’t sleep with some guy who just wants to screw you or pop your cherry. Think about how you will feel the next day when you are alone and he isn’t returning your phone call. (He got what he wanted).

Save your first time for someone who really will appreciate you, not just your virginity, but YOU. You are more than a cherry to be popped.

Why Are People Desperate for Sex?

I’m not pushing religion and saving your virginity for marriage. I’m suggesting, we have a choice and not having sex is not an unhealthy choice. Sex isn’t everything. We get sold into having sex before we are even into puberty. Everyone seems to have sex. Everyone seems to be having sex several times a week.

If you haven’t slept with someone in the past week you must be desperate to have sex. That’s nonsense. We are human beings not insects who only have one year to live, reproduce and then die.

When did people become so desperate and needy when it comes to sex? Who says we have to live that way?

Virgin Anatomy

 

I was a Middle Aged Virgin…

Links to Forum Discussions

Topless Women: The Right to Bare Breasts

I write for HubPages but have gotten tired of their prudish attitude to do with anything sexual or adult. So I am removing posts which I had written there or planned to write there. I don’t need to listen to anyone’s ideals of what is too adult here.

It’s all good until someone pokes a nipple out.

 

In July this year (2012) it will be twenty one years since Gwen Jacob fought for the right to bare breasts for women in Ontario, Canada.

There are so many issues connected to such a simple thing as bare chests.

  1. Breastfeeding in public and the exposing of the female breast in a public place.
  2. Male and female equality.
  3. Old ideas of women’s breasts as being sinful, dirty rather than natural.
  4. Our own feelings of having or wanting to hide our breasts.
  5. Nudity in general. Naturism, the right to full nudity anywhere.
  6. Violence against women. You may not think this is relevant, but it is.
  7. Dress codes – there are places where no one should be bare chested.
  8. Sex workers who get paid to remove clothing as a career.
  9. Nudity in art.
  10. Sex sells and it’s almost always a woman being sold for sexy ads.
  11. Virginity and being a good girl versus a ‘slut’.
  12. Feminism and the whole bra wearing versus bra burning thing.
  13. The lingerie and fashion industry.
  14. Breast cancer – are you still topless if your breasts aren’t there?
  15. Exposing breasts as an attention getting tactic during protests.

Gwen Jacob in the News

  • Women’s topless court victory 20 years later – CBC News
    When university student Gwen Jacob removed her top to cool off on a sweltering summer day in July 1991, she unwittingly spearheaded a movement to give all women in Ontario the legal right to expose their breasts — though most still choose not to.

 Women Go Topless in Ontario

Gwen Jacob, 1992.

Public Exposure and Indecency

There is nothing in this post which a child could not read. I have not written anything pornographic or adult. I have not added an image even as I write this. Yet this post has been automatically blocked by HubPages – just for using the word breast and/ or topless.

Earlier this month I wanted to post nude ASCII art. But, even the hint of a breast in the post was too much to be acceptable. After trying to work with HubPages restrictions I removed the post (after a second re-edit) and posted the content to my own site instead. I was disappointed in HubPages. As a fairly old fashioned, romantic and traditional woman there was nothing in the post which I found overly adult, offensive or exposed.

Why are we so intimidated by a woman’s breasts? Are women’s breasts dirty? Are women’s breasts naughty and meant to sell cars, beer and pornographic magazines only?

I like my breasts. I will probably not expose them in public because the idea of showing more of myself than I have to is set deeply in my mind. I’m not young, slim and twenty any more. But, I admire those who follow up on the protest by taking off their shirt and going topless.

Topless, Cleavage and Barechested

National Cleavage Day

Wikipedia says women are Topless but men are Barechested:

Barechested most commonly refers to a male wearing no clothes above the waist, exposing much or all of the torso.[1] It is also known as “stripped to the waist” or “being shirtless”. The term topless is usually applied only to women.

Toplessness refers to the state in which the breasts, areolae, and nipples of a woman or post-pubescent girl are exposed, especially in a public venue or in a visual medium.

Why are women described as showing breasts, areolae and nipples. Men have the same biological parts but are only described as being unclothed above the waist. Are topless women only showing breasts but keeping the rest of their bodies covered? No. So, an interesting interpretation between men and women from Wikipedia, isn’t it.

The Right to Bare Breasts Outside of Ontario

Comments from the original post on HubPages. 

That Grrl 3 days ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

I like for men and women to cover up. But it should be voluntary, as you say Mike. I wish the young women would be as covered up as the men they are with. Young men wear shorts about knee length and T-shirts. I think it’s weird that young men are dressed well and the young women look like they forgot to put their clothes on.

Mike 4 days ago

I think it is attractive when a woman covers her breasts voluntarily because breasts would be boring if they were exposed all the time. Women are smart for doing this and I thank them.

That Grrl 7 weeks ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

Actually there is every way a male chest can be compared to a female chest. We have all the same parts. Women’s breasts just pop out in a different way. Men can have bigger chests or breasts too if they gain weight or lift weight to gain muscles.

The main issue is one of society and our cultural standards. I don’t especially support women going bare chested. But, I don’t support men taking off their shirts in public either. I don’t like the way young women dress with most of their curves hanging out of their clothing meanwhile the young men look over dressed by comparison.

I do think people should dress as they choose, within reason. I don’t think the human body is something which needs to be kept hidden, like a dirty secret. But, I don’t think we need to expose ourselves either. Clothing has a purpose beyond being decorative or keeping our butts from sticking to the seat or preventing a lot of insect bites, etc. There is nothing wrong with some modesty on the part of the clothes wearer or the people viewing other people.

It’s not a simple issue. I actually think it’s pretty complicated and very interesting.

katyzzz 7 weeks ago from Sydney, Australia

There’s no way a male chest can be compared with female breasts, we need to recognise that fact, personally I don’t want to expose my breasts for every Tom Dick and Harry but then again I don’t want to see female breasts either except for breast feeding, I think you present a minority view and a dress code for work for women is definitely due, from what I see going off to work each day, that way they will never get on, the men do dress appropriately on the whole and accept it. Equality

Am I a Mutant Freak?

Original post from Adult BackWash, when I wrote a weekly column called Bait and Switch: Thursday May 30, 2002

I set up this column with Ringman, the Backwash founder, in secrecy. In fact, I’ve been around Backwash about a year on and off. I write another column over in original Backwash. But, I didn’t feel comfortable coming out about my BDSM side. There are a lot of stereotypes for women. Things a nice girl does and doesn’t do. Nice girls get treated like nice girls and those other girls, well, they’re just sluts aren’t they?

At one point in my life I thought I was going to die a virgin. I was over 30 when I had sex with a real live human male. I actually took my own cherry with a vibrator I bought in an adult store and I was in my later 20’s then. Even that had to happen when I was thousands of miles away from home.

Not that my Mother was/ is someone prim and proper. Heck, I was her second pregnancy and she was 20 when I was born. The first pregnancy was aborted. If it hadn’t been for that kid’s being aborted I wouldn’t be here today. Mom told me that she didn’t want to abort a second baby so she married my Dad. My Dad is a jerk most of the time, I’ve always thought she should have run while she could.

Anyway, that’s all getting way off the topic. I grew up as a nice girl in a middle class neighborhood in the suburbs of a very large city. Sex wasn’t something taboo but we weren’t about to open up a bordello for a bit of extra income either. You get the idea.

I was a virgin for so long because I didn’t meet any guy I wanted to get naked with. You are pretty vulnerable at that point. My Dad spent a lot of years heaping emotional abuse on me, mainly about how I looked. That didn’t make me feel better about myself and I often loaded up on goodies to make up for it. So, by the time I was 20 I was chubby, had less than perfect skin and any time I might have a bit of self esteem it would be blown to bits when ever I looked at movies, magazines and all the other places “they” tell us we should all look like air brushed photos of skeletal women.

So, dropping my drawers was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do to attract the opposite sex. I think I choose my husband as my first (and only) lover because he was someone who felt a lot like I did. We were both virgins. But, if anyone asks me what the hottest sex I have ever had was, that was it! To be touched so reverently, cautiously, it made me feel like a goddess- priceless, valued and very sexy. Of course, that’s all dust in the wind now.

Anyway, am I a mutant freak? Does anyone else have kinky fantasies or better yet, kinky sex? Does it turn you on to think of being seduced? Do you have rape fantasies? Do you think it would be fun to tie up a strong man and have your way with him? Or do you really, secretly just want to be Daddy’s little girl?