Against Homophobia

My nephew is a 16 year old boy/ young man in high school. His generation has very different issues from mine, when I was in high school. I remember the campaigns about not doing drugs. His school has campaigns about accepting homosexuality, promoting it as an option. Quite different from the years of campaigning against teens having sex at all.

I think about the issue of homosexuality, not as pro or con but how it has grown and been shoved at us to the point where almost no one dares to say anything against it. If you aren’t pro homosexulaity you are afraid it, homophobic. This is as silly as saying someone against smoking has a fear of cigarettes. I think the fear does come into play as people are not allowed to speak out against the issue of homosexuality, without facing backlash and being accused of being some kind of bigot, snob, or worse. I haven’t heard of anyone beating up homosexuals in the streets in many years. Now, the reverse seems more likely. Speaking your opinion in any way not supporting homosexuality and the other gender options is likely to get you beat up, at least verbally.

Anyway, I do think about the whole thing, as it pertains to the young people especially. I was once asked how I know I am not gay or bisexual. I gave it some thought. How do I know? When I think about having someone’s hands caressing my body in a loving/ sexual way they are a man’s hands. I don’t feel the same about a woman. Yes, I could be turned on by a woman, just as I could be turned on using a sex toy. But, is using a sex toy the same as a lover? Not in my thinking. A man’s hands, the size and shape of them, the extra bit of hair on the back of the hands and knowing the man they

A kinky fetish dictionary of taboo terms 

AAblutophilia: A fetish for baths or showers that usually centers around a naked person lathering themselves up.ABR: “Adult breast feeding.”Acomoclitic: A fetish for hairless genitals. Similar to: gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia.Acrophilia: A fetish for having sex in high places.Acrotomophilia: A fetish for amputees and shortened limbs.Acucullophilia: A fetish for circumcised men.Acousticophilia: A fetish involving sounds. This can include such things as being aroused by music or a partner’s moaning.Actirasty: A fetish for sun exposure. This is often a fetish of tanorexics, fans of outdoor sex, or those who only date really tan people.Adolescentilism: A fetish for acting, dressing, or being treated like an adolescent.Agalmatophilia: A fetish for a human-like doll, mannequin, or statue. This does not include the use of sex dolls merely as surrogates for real partners. Similar to pygmalionism.Age Play: A type of fetishistic role-playing in which people pretend to be substantially older or younger than they are. Includes adolescentilism and infantilism.Agonophiliac: A fetish for violence or fighting as foreplay.Agoraphilia: A fetish for sex in public places.Agrexophilia: A fetish for having other people know about your sexual activities. This can include people with agoraphilia, those who like to have loud sex, exhibitionists, people who like to put their homemade sex tapes online, or those who simply like to brag about their conquests.Air Inflation: One of the most common types of inflation fetish. This usually involves the fantasy of inflating a person with a bicycle pump to a comically large size. Some practitioner of this fetish enjoy pumping air into their partner’s anus.Algolagnia: A fetish for pain.Allorgasmia: A fetish for fantasizing about someone other than your current partner.Allotriorasty: A fetish for sex partners of another race, ethnicity, or nationality.Alphmegamia: A fetish for older partners.Altocalciphilia: A fetish for high heels. Common among those with a foot fetish. Synonyms: retifism.Alvinolagnia A fetish for stomachs. Likely linked to the importance of wide hips when it comes to natural childbirth. Synonyms: partialism.Amaurophilia: A fetish for not being seen during sex. This usually involves turning off the lights or blindfolding a partner. Some peeping toms and fans of glory holes have this fetish.Anaclitism: An erotic fixation on the objects one was exposed to as an infant, such as anal thermometers, bibs, bottles, pacifiers. Similar to: autonepiophilia, infantilism.Anasteemaphilia: A fetish for partners who are much shorter or taller.Androidism: A fetish for humanoid robots. Similar to agalmatophilia and Pygmalionism.Andromimetophilia: When a woman is sexually aroused by dressing, acting, or being treated like a man.Anophelorastia: A fetish for ravaging a partner.Antholagnia: A fetish for the scent or sight of flowers.Aphephilia: A fetish for human touch.Apotemnophilia: A fetish for having your own limbs amputated.Aquaophilia: A fetish for water that goes far beyond enjoying sex on the beach or in a hot tub.Archnephilia: A fetish for spiders.Asiaphile: A fetish for Asians.Asphyxiophilia: A fetish for being suffocated or choked.Asthenolagnia: A fetish for weakness or being humiliated.Autagonistophilia: A fetish for having others spy on you, particularly while naked or engaging in sexual acts. As opposed to exhibitionists who get off on exposing themselves to unsuspecting victims, a person with this fetish creates situations in which other people may see her naked, like sun bathing nude or changing in front of an open window.Autassassinophilia: A fetish for coming close to death, particularly during sex.Autoandrophilia: A fetish for women who dress, behave, or look like men.Autoerotic Asphyxiation: Choking yourself while masturbating to achieve a more intense orgasm. This often involves the use of belts or ropes. People who have died from this form of masturbation include, kung-fu master David Carradine and INXS rocker Michael Hutchence.Autogynephilia: A fetish in which a man derives sexual pleasure from imagining himself as a woman. This is a common fetish for cross dressers. Origins: coined by Ray Blanchard.Autonepiophilia: A fetish for acting, dressing, and being treated like an infant. Synonym: anaclitism, infantilism.Avisodomy: A form of bestiality involving sex with a bird.Axillism: A fetish for armpits.BBathroom Denial: A type of denial play in which the dom refuses to let the sub urinate and/or defecate.BDSM: “Bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism.” A catchall term for fetish play.Belonephilia: A fetish for sharp objects such as knifes, needles, or razors.BFP: “Bound for pleasure.” A BDSM term.Biastophilia: A sexual disorder in which arousal is derived from the thought or act of assaulting another, often in a sexual manner.Body Inflation: Being sexually aroused by the fantasy of physically expanding yourself, or others. This fetish ofte

Source: A kinky fetish dictionary of taboo terms | Daily Loaf | Creative Loafing Tampa

White Noise Pollution

I’m well liked in my family. This I understand. I think I’m easy to like. I don’t see how I have any other secret to being liked. I’m not especially anything. I’m not good socially. I never have been.  Most of the time it’s easy to be part of a fairly large family who really do mean it when they ask how you are. But…

I’m the quiet one in a family of people who love to talk. To me it seems they just never run out of something to say, especially advice. It’s like noise pollution or white noise at times. I just stop listening and let them become part of the background. You know how it is when you put the radio or TV on and forget it’s there? It just becomes part of the atmosphere.

Now and then it drowns me out. So I give in and do as I’m told even when my own ideas, instincts or opinions were different and just as valid. That’s when I feel angry.

True, I feel guilty about it. We shouldn’t just ignore our Mothers, our sisters or our brothers. But, there are times when I just can’t take the constant feedback any more. I’m the oldest. Long before I was an adult they all expected me to be the one in charge, and I was. I managed everything. It’s odd to me that now they think I need all this advice.

Of course, I do understand it is all well meant. It’s no one’s fault but my own that I sometimes feel there is too much advice for a grown woman all of 47 (nearly 48) years. So, even when I do lose patience with all the communication, I do know it comes from the right place. I just endure.

Some of the feedback is good. I may never post this because they would be hurt (over over analyze everything) if they read this. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But, there are times I’d like to feel more like an adult than a child who has to be taken care of and told what to do.

I’ve Become Super Noob

I started writing as Super Noob on Lindsay’s blog, Web Design for Idiots. Tonight I wrote the following as an introduction to who I am and why I’m someone who might have a reason to be writing there.

I’m posting this from my very messy desk with the TV on to my left and my nearly cold coffee at my right hand, in danger of wrecking my faithful little scanner. I’m a real woman. I’m a real, live, 40+, divorced Canadian woman, a writing legend in my own mind.

In June of 1996 I began on the Internet. I was an IRC diva for quite a long time. It was a lot of fun and most of it I really should not write about here. That’s what personal blogs are all about. I wrote for a zine first, a small print publication called The Crying Clown. From there it was all online. At one point I was producing my own newsletter for writers, InkSplatters, sent out through what is now Yahoo Groups. I was a web writer for HerPlanet, BackWash, BellaOnline, Suite 101, WZ-ard.com and other sites, forums and newsletters some still living and some not. I still write for Creative Fat Grrl on LockerGnome, a babbly blog more than anything seriously functional. Writing for a network is a different educational experience than writing for yourself. Which is one reason I keep doing it.

I’ve had sites and then blogs of my own. I didn’t begin online in the great time of blogging, I was here before that. So my first sites were put together with just HTML code as I learned and goofed it up. I’ve used software and I’ve cut and pasted code and I’ve hand coded my own pages. I’m not an expert, time alone isn’t enough to make you an expert at web design or development. I have learned however and as I learn I see how much more there is to be explored and discovered. But, don’t look to me expecting I’m a know-it-all. If I ever say that you can be sure I’m just laughing at myself.

I love creative things. I’ve done so many interesting forms of art, just to try them out. I made ASCII art for a few years. I continue to take digital photos of abandoned places here in Ontario, starting in 2006 when I bought my first digi camera. I’m also teaching myself to draw cartoons, some people even like them! This week I re-learned the art of cutting out paper doll chains so I could make them into a graphic for a blog. I really think it’s important to keep the creativity and free writing in blogging. It would be a real shame if the personal journal and creative element of blogging were lost in the rush for SEO and money making.

Anyway, I’m here to help the less experienced blogger with my experiences. I’ve got a stack of great books about web design on my bookshelf and I will be using them (finally) for more than a place to hide my dust bunnies. I seem to collect books with great good intentions and then not get very far. You can also find me writing about web writing and posting writing ideas and prompts on my blog, Word Grrls.

ThatGrrl.ca

Completely off topic… did you know that a nail file works really well if you have an itchy spot on your back that you just can’t reach? I’ve been rubbing my back on my chair tonight wishing for something to work. Then I had the great idea for the nail file (not one of those treacherous metal ones, just some cardboard type) and that worked great!

Don’t Blame the Findoms

Stop blaming sex workers for the sale of sex.

Sex sells because there are an endless supply of buyers. Sex buyers create and customize the market. Sex workers become what sex buyers want.

Do not blame findoms (financial domination professional FemDoms) for taking money, accepting gifts and demanding more. The supply of men (I’ve yet to see a woman on the buying side) looking for financial domination is there. The professional sex workers cater to the demand for it.

Attacking or blaming sex workers is not changing or helping men to change.

Why do men want financial domination? How did this fetish grow so much and so easily? Do you really believe the supply was there before the demand? No, the supply grew to meet the demand. If you want to stop financial domination work at the source, the demand for it. This is why my first question is, why is there a demand for it? I don’t really understand either.

Do men need to feel vulnerable? Is this an exchange of power in order to create vulnerability for the men?

This all leads to so many other questions, for me. Why are men looking for this kind of “forced” vulnerability? (Force in quotes because it is not really enforced, the buyer is in control and the force is not real. This is a transaction controlled by the holder of the credit card).

Are these men looking to be martyrs? I think they want to feel abused or taken advantage of and then expect sympathy. The big, bad findom is hurting the poor, little man. Except he can end the call, put away the credit card and stop the transaction – at will.

But he doesn’t.

The Predators of Online Dating

I’ve seen online dating as a social horror story for years. The people trying to find matches are just the surface. The dating business is even more predatory.

If you’ve been trying online dating, STOP! You’ve been set up to fail right from the start. (Free sites too – the longer you stick around the more ads they can sell).
From Thought Catalog:

After a few bad dates and misplaced emotional investment in the wrong guys, many of these women decide that all men are like this. So, when a genuinely nice guy comes along, she’s not interested, or else she decides that he’s “just like all the rest”. The nice guy then laments that women only date the jerks, and he sets out to become a jerk in order to garner a woman’s interest.

You can’t read the forums of dating sites and not find men and women posting about how discouraged they are by the people they try to meet on dating sites. Men who say anything just to get a screw. Women who don’t put out fast enough. Kind of a theme there – long before the dating sites but – the dating sites make money by encouraging it.

This is what you really need to know about online dating sites:

According to “Sally” (name has been changed), a senior consulting programmer who’s assisted in the creating of compatibility algorithms at a number of online dating sites, it costs the average dating site approximately $120 to generate a new customer. (In the subscription-based services world, this is called the Cost of User Acquisition, and includes the fees associated with advertising, promotion, sales bonuses, transaction fees, and more). But if the monthly fee is only $20 a month, the dating site needs to keep you using their services (read: unmatched) for at least six months just to break even. To show a profit, they need to keep you unmatched even longer. According to Sally, this is how it’s done:

“When a subscriber completes their online questionnaire and profile, the site’s technology matches them up with compatible potentials, and the subscriber is shown a selection of matched profiles. However, although the algorithm is capable of matching based on compatibility, only one of the profiles shown is actually a match based on their algorithm; the others are either random profiles of other users, or fake profiles entirely. If the subscriber doesn’t happen to click on the profile generated from the algorithm and instead selects one of the other randomly generated profiles, the algorithm shuts off for the next 4-5 months in an effort to recoup the cost spend of acquiring that subscriber. It’s been done like this for years, and is the way the business works.”

Are you really surprised? I suspected the dating sites were not all lovey dovey but this went beyond what I really believed they would do, deliberately. But, business makes money by preying on the consumer while pretending they care. Stop falling for it, stop getting your heart broken and thinking meeting someone is entirely hopeless. It isn’t. You’ve just been getting played by the dating sites and the people who use them (like parasites).

There are other ways to meet people, even online. Join social groups based on your personal interests, hobbies, location and career. Avoid sites which ask for paid membership (with exceptions for associations and societies which actually do host events for their members to meet and greet). Outside of the dating sites you are likely to find someone far more sincere about having a relationship.

If you’re a woman who just wants to get screwed – the dating sites are your playground! Bring your own condoms.

Are Women Really Sex Objects?

Found on the web:

Are Women Really Sex Objects?

Don’t mean to start a big fight on this fine Sunday morning – but here I go anyway.

When you really think about it, I mean really think about it, aren’t women really sex objects. We try to say they aren’t soooooooo much but, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, women are nevertheless seen as sex objects. We try to hide it as much as we can but don’t we still really believe it anyway?

Of course women are not just sex objects. I feel that we have fooled ourselves into seeing men and women as equals. Women see themselves as objects of sex appeal and guys see every girl as a potential ‘fun night’ – or more – no matter what they say.

Why do women get breast implants? To have better posture? Why do women apply makeup? For sun protection? Why do women spend time and money improving their looks – at the expense of time devoted to enhancing skills and building experience? Because it is fun obsessing over looks?

Maybe you’d say “yeah, you’re right, but the point is that it is wrong and we have to strive to correct the situation.” To that I would reply with this – why spend so much time and energy fighting against our instinct? Against our nature? Look at what amazing things can happen when we go with our instincts – we get to the moon. Look what happens when we fight our instincts – we get a war on drugs that costs money and doesn’t fight drugs.

Why not admit that women are seen primarily in terms of their sex appeal and embrace the truth. It will set you free – and hopefully set them free of their clothes!

What do you think?

First of all, this is assuming all women fit this stereotype. All women wear cosmetics, get bigger boobs, and apparently we don’t get old (or too old) either.

Secondly, there is the idea that cosmetics and etc. are all about changing or creating an appearance on the outside. Yes, of course, that is part of it. But, most women I know like to feel they are looking good. (I don’t think that’s just a woman thing, or a sex thing, or a gender thing).

Do women (or people in general) want to look good in order to be sex objects? Some likely do. I’m sure it’s not 100% however.

This brings up the question… Are men really sex objects? Which makes me think about what makes a person a sex object in the eyes of the beholder? We all have our own view of what is sexy.

Also, last of all, a sex object seems like an inanimate object, something you can pick up, use and discard. I don’t think we should be looking at anyone that way. In the end, it’s the reason I don’t think men or women are sex objects. But, some day there will be sex robots and those will be objects, animated in a mechanical way but still not human. (At least not for at least a generation or three).

Men in Women’s Public Washrooms

In support of the transgender movement people are now expecting public washrooms to be gender neutral. I disagree with this idea.

Men (claiming to be supporting transgender issues) have been entering the women’s washrooms/ restrooms and filming it. I think that’s going way too far and I am really surprised people support this. Common sense says this is just putting women and children at risk for more abuse. Removing what has been a safe place and turning it into an unsafe place.

In addition, the women’s washroom is often busier than the men’s. There will be a line up of women waiting while the men’s washroom is available. Why, with this new transgender issue, are there no women filming themselves going into the men’s washroom? Why is it all about taking away the privacy of the women’s washroom?

Some supporters of laws that restrict the use of public toilets said allowing transgender people to choose their restroom could lead to women and children being attacked.  They said they feared that men could pose as transgender people and use legal protections as a cover. read more at bbc.com

How can women and children be protected from sexual predators if they can’t even rely on having privacy while they remove their underwear to use the restroom? How many transgender people are there compared to everyday gender people? As a woman who was attacked/ molested by a sexual predator in a public place (when I was a minor), I’m really against this.

Public restrooms have been used as hookups by gay men. But, until now they have kept it to the men’s restrooms. Now, when you send your child into the washroom, watching the door for their reappearance, timing how long it should take in your mind and somewhat nervously trying to let them grow up and become independent… how can you not wonder what will children be exposed to now that men have free access to the washroom?

Why not leave the public washrooms for the women be for families and the washrooms for the men can be for those who are male or sexually fluid? I can only see washroom sharing as making women easier prey for men taking upskirt photos from under the washroom stall (and other activities which I really don’t want to have to protect myself from).

Why are transgender people being put on such a great pedestal? Why are their needs given so much importance and consideration? So much that women and children are being thrown out of the lifeboats entirely.

When Women Carried Swords

Hat pins were not a joke. If women still wore hat pins there would be a hat pin fetish.

Being stuck with a hat pin would not make a good fetish. Too dangerous.

Some of them were 12 inches long, sharp and not used as a medical instrument traditionally.  I’m sure there would be a lot of accidental deaths by hat pin.

On the other hand, they may have been better than pepper spray at keeping the mashers at bay. 

In March 1910, Chicago’s city council ran with that idea, debating an ordinance that would ban hatpins longer than nine inches; any woman caught in violation would be arrested and fined $50. The proceedings were packed with curious spectators, men and women, and acrimonious from the start. “If women care to wear carrots and roosters on their heads, that is a matter for their own concern, but when it comes to wearing swords they must be stopped,” a supporter said. Cries of “Bravo!” from the men; hisses from the women. Nan Davis, there to represent several women’s clubs, asked for permission to address the committee. “If the men of Chicago want to take the hatpins away from us, let them make the streets safe,” she said. “No man has a right to tell me how I shall dress and what I shall wear.”

Despite Davis’ impassioned speech, the ordinance passed by a vote of 68 to 2. Similar laws subsequently passed in several other cities, including Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, Baltimore and New Orleans. Ten thousand miles away, in Sydney,  Australia, sixty women went to jail rather than pay fines for wearing “murderous weapons” in their hats. Even conservative London ladies steadfastly refused to buy hatpin point protectors.

Via smithsonianmag.com

Aging Horribly or Just Unforgivably?

An 80 year old woman should get botox rather than age normally and naturally? “A little botox wouldn’t hurt” they say.

Actually it probably would. I don’t think sticking sharp things into your face is painless, then the time for healing from the whole thing, the risk of infection and having the procedure botched.

I really think aging naturally should be acceptable and graciously accepted (especially by the media)!

Most of the people in this article are just getting older. Other than naturally aging they look pretty much the same as they did in younger years. Some have gained weight, all have some wrinkles, marks, etc on their skin. Time changes us and cosmetic surgery isn’t a time machine. Ironic that in cases where actors have had plastic surgery they complain about that too. There is no winning because no one can look 16 forever.

To the entertainment media: Stop it! 

To the public: Stop buying it!

alittlebotoxhurt

Source: 24 Celebrities Who Are Aging Horribly

Yes, isn’t it shocking?!!! An 81 year old woman doesn’t look 20! Bridgette Bardot is alive and well.