Today’s title is a sound, not an actual word.

I am tired and I don’t know why. True I took a book to bed with me last night and read about 150 pages before I finally turned out the light. But, I also slept in. That should equal out, right?

But, I started taking medication for depression and OCD (which is short for obsession, really). I didn’t really think I had any abnormal hang ups until I started looking at the things I do a bit closer. I do have a lot of focus for details, especially once something catches my interest. I do get fussy about the smallest things, having them right. Not that I’m a tidy neat freak. Apparently though, being a neat freak is not actually required. Being a hoarder is the other side of the bucket.

Don’t get pictures of hoarders you see on TV. I’m not that extreme. I keep it to one room, mostly. I don’t bring food around here, other than coffee and the occasional snack which I am careful about. I don’t have mice and the only bugs are those attracted to my hoard of paper, not crumbs of food. So, I’m not a disaster of a hoarder. Just a hoarder light. I did get quite a bit of it cleaned up too but it seems to be creeping back. Anyway, that’s a story for another day.

I think the medicine I’m taking is making me tired. That is one of the side effects but I thought by now (over the first month of taking them) Id’ be past that. The tired comes over me all of a sudden. If you have ever taken an allergy pill (anti-histamine) you will know what that’s like. One minute you are fine the next you can’t possibly seem to keep your eyes open and your body wants to melt down and rest on the floor (or something softer if you can pull yourself together long enough). Maybe not everyone reacts to allergy pills that way. I find even the non-drowsy pills get me.

I’m mostly back to working on my sites again. Still getting sucked into little details rather than starting in on the bigger jobs like all those photographs for the exploration which need to be posted to Flickr (no posts since 2013!) and now my own urban exploration site, Wrecky Rat Bird. I also want to find a simple way to watermark my photos. This gets complicated because I don’t want to watermark my originals, just a web copy. Also, I have a lot of photos on Flickr but my originals from years past are burned on CDs and I’m not sure where they are in the clutter. Another thing, I found one of my saved CD’s but it was broken in half. Discouraging. So I guess that is all part of why I keep putting off the big job of posting my photos. Instead I’m fluffing around with plugins which I could really not bother with compared to the actual photo content which I do need.

There won’t be an image with this post. I’m mostly writing to keep myself awake and it seems to be working. So far. But, I need to get more done than this today. I should have gone out to the grocery store but I put that off for another day. I did the same thing yesterday. Urgh and bleh! There are days like that.

Are you Afraid of the City?

I read an email list for Pagans in small towns. This is something I wrote for a discussion about agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces and large crowds, etc. The talk turned to the dangers of crowds and cities. I always get annoyed about misplaced attitudes about cities. I guess you can’t really take the city out of the girl, even when she moves far out into the small town/ rural city kind of area.

Large cities and large crowds are not that big a deal. Maybe some of you are giving yourself a phobia or hang ups. I live in a small city, Barrie, in Ontario. It is funny to me to hear people talk about Toronto (the city I grew up in) as if it were some big, bad place of sin and evil. Where everyone is in danger of being attacked at any moment. I’ve had people tell me all kinds of stuff they think about Toronto, how they will never go there… Then, I will be in a small town and people will tell me how dangerous it is to live here, in Barrie. There are too many people, it’s too big, there are street people and drunks coming out of the bar on main street…. Well, ironically, I’ve seen drunks coming out of bars in any town that has a bar. We had a car stolen once, in a small town – never in the city.

People build themselves up to be afraid. They sound weird to me. I still go downtown to Toronto and have a good walk around. It is not a big deal, I’ve never had a problem. I live in Barrie, I take the bus even! I walk right by the homeless street people. I’m not stupid and all Miss Sunshine about it, but I’m not living in terror either.

I’m not meaning to offend anyone. But, it sounds like you are painting yourself into a corner. People are about the same in a city or a small town. It’s more about how you see things versus where you are. We tend to find what we are looking for.

What Kind of City Dweller are You?

You Are a Hip and Artsy City Dweller

You love that the city is always changing, and you’re always on top of the latest trends.

You don’t try to deliberately keep up, you’re just naturally curious. And because of your curiosity, you discover hidden gems just before they get popular.

You truly love the city, and you’re inspired by the urban landscape every day. Living in the middle of the hustle and bustle keeps you creative.

Even if you aren’t an artist, you can’t help but take pictures, write, make art, or play music. All of the energy around you is contagious!


You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris.

You’re the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

You Are Shy and Silent

You are thoughtful and contemplative. You enjoy spending time alone with your thoughts.

You are very introverted. You generally prefer quiet time by yourself to most social interactions.

Money is very important to you. You like to have lots of nice things… and you don’t care if you’re being greedy.

You are curious about ideas. If you had the means, you’d like to explore the whole world.

Your City is Moscow

You are fast moving and quick changing. You aren’t exactly sure who you are right now or who you’ll end up being.

You have a rich, complicated past, and an exotic appeal that takes a person’s breath away.

You are naturally stylish and classy, even if it’s a bit of an illusion. You crave true wealth, power, and glamour.

You love adventure and risk. You are a natural gambler and charmer. You are often very lucky, but sometimes your luck does run out.

You Are the Suburbs

You’ve got a bad rap, but you think people are just jealous of how good you’ve got it.

You prefer to live somewhere that’s clean, safe, and cheap. What could be wrong with that? You’re not going to apologize for liking chain restaurants and good schools.

While you may not be as sophisticated as the city, you’re content with your life. Plus, there’s more to do in the suburbs than people think.

Besides, you can visit the city anytime you’d like. And when your fun in town is done, you have a comfy suburban house to come home to.

You Are Downtown

You’re a funky spirit that requires freedom to live.

You need adventure, diversity, and great ethnic food.

You don’t like anything stuffy. You prefer wacky and eclectic stuff.

You’ll take a cheap slice of pizza over a four star restaurant any day!

Pick Our Bones in Peace

I’m watching National Geographic, about lions. Lions in Africa and Asia are dying out due to the human population who keep crowding them and killing lions for killing livestock or attacking people. The naturalists and scientists are working on high tech solutions, considering cloning some of the remaining lions so the species doesn’t die out.

Isn’t the whole thing kind of crazy? A low tech solution would be much more practical and sensible. Why are people allowed to take over so much of the planet, like parasites on the Earth? We have so much population that people are starving themselves in areas where they can’t grow enough food to support the population. How can people have so little control and yet expect we have the right to kill off other lives just because they are animals? Just because they get in our way?

Isn’t the loss of habitat for animals an early warning sign for ourselves? How far will over population go before people clue in and really do something? When all the available space is gone will we just move to another planet, another host body to suck dry?

It’s frustrating watching shows about large carnivores. They are most preyed upon in the over population game.

Also, the more large predators we kill off the more the more the scavengers like pigeons, rats and cockroaches can take over. Cause they learn to live with people, even in deepest, darkest, urban environments. They learn to live off of us, our garbage and our silliness has people out there feeding pigeons while others are killing lions, wolves and polar bears for being in the way. So that in the end, can you see us killing ourselves and leaving the planet to the scavengers who can then pick our bones in peace.