I’ve Become Super Noob

I started writing as Super Noob on Lindsay’s blog, Web Design for Idiots. Tonight I wrote the following as an introduction to who I am and why I’m someone who might have a reason to be writing there.

I’m posting this from my very messy desk with the TV on to my left and my nearly cold coffee at my right hand, in danger of wrecking my faithful little scanner. I’m a real woman. I’m a real, live, 40+, divorced Canadian woman, a writing legend in my own mind.

In June of 1996 I began on the Internet. I was an IRC diva for quite a long time. It was a lot of fun and most of it I really should not write about here. That’s what personal blogs are all about. I wrote for a zine first, a small print publication called The Crying Clown. From there it was all online. At one point I was producing my own newsletter for writers, InkSplatters, sent out through what is now Yahoo Groups. I was a web writer for HerPlanet, BackWash, BellaOnline, Suite 101, WZ-ard.com and other sites, forums and newsletters some still living and some not. I still write for Creative Fat Grrl on LockerGnome, a babbly blog more than anything seriously functional. Writing for a network is a different educational experience than writing for yourself. Which is one reason I keep doing it.

I’ve had sites and then blogs of my own. I didn’t begin online in the great time of blogging, I was here before that. So my first sites were put together with just HTML code as I learned and goofed it up. I’ve used software and I’ve cut and pasted code and I’ve hand coded my own pages. I’m not an expert, time alone isn’t enough to make you an expert at web design or development. I have learned however and as I learn I see how much more there is to be explored and discovered. But, don’t look to me expecting I’m a know-it-all. If I ever say that you can be sure I’m just laughing at myself.

I love creative things. I’ve done so many interesting forms of art, just to try them out. I made ASCII art for a few years. I continue to take digital photos of abandoned places here in Ontario, starting in 2006 when I bought my first digi camera. I’m also teaching myself to draw cartoons, some people even like them! This week I re-learned the art of cutting out paper doll chains so I could make them into a graphic for a blog. I really think it’s important to keep the creativity and free writing in blogging. It would be a real shame if the personal journal and creative element of blogging were lost in the rush for SEO and money making.

Anyway, I’m here to help the less experienced blogger with my experiences. I’ve got a stack of great books about web design on my bookshelf and I will be using them (finally) for more than a place to hide my dust bunnies. I seem to collect books with great good intentions and then not get very far. You can also find me writing about web writing and posting writing ideas and prompts on my blog, Word Grrls.

ThatGrrl.ca

Completely off topic… did you know that a nail file works really well if you have an itchy spot on your back that you just can’t reach? I’ve been rubbing my back on my chair tonight wishing for something to work. Then I had the great idea for the nail file (not one of those treacherous metal ones, just some cardboard type) and that worked great!

Romantic Rose Ring 

This appeals to my romantic side. Rickson also makes Claddagh rings (her own design on the traditional style). I bought one of those last year. Since then I’ve kept an eye on her shop to see what other designs come along.

This Sterling Rose ring is the perfect gift or diamond engagement ring for that special woman in your life who appreciates unique, alternative

Source: Rose Ring Unique Alternative Engagement Ring by Ricksonjewellery

Thomas Muther, Jr. Explores in the Nude

Thomas Muther, Jr. is a frequent poster to the Flickr urban exploration group I moderate. He is pretty much the only nude male posing and – he is setting up the camera, posing and taking the photo on his own. His own model.

As a woman moderating the group I’m glad to see Thomas posting his photos. Without him the group would feel very sexually biased to me. But, I do wonder what other group members think. Likely most of them are male. Most urban explorers are still male and most of the people coming to look at nude people are coming to look at nude females. I’ve never asked him what kind of feedback, if any, he gets.

I could make this story quite lengthy, but to cut to the chase, after hitting me with a volley of questions–during which seven (7!!!!!!) other police cars pulled up–I was informed that a woman out walking her dog had seen me and reported the “incident” to the police. I was then belatedly informed of my rights, handcuffed, and taken to jail for “indecent exposure.” As they were putting the handcuffs on me, I was utterly dumbfounded. The only thing I managed to verbalize was, “why are you putting me in handcuffs?” which seems a reasonable question. Their reply? “Because that’s what we do to people who break the law!” If I’d had my wits about me, I might have rejoindered, “So, you put people in handcuffs who jaywalk?–or go 5 miles over the speed limit?”–but I was completely flummoxed. Thus, I ended up spending the night, and all the next day in jail. I finally managed to contact my sister who wired bail, and I got out late the next evening. With such a horrific charge hanging over my head, I hired an attorney (at $3500), as being a sexual predator registry for the rest of my life didn’t appeal. The charges were dropped after his intervention, so there were no long term consequences, but it was not a fun experience. The ridiculous over zealousness of these police cost me more than just the $3,500, obviously. Being in jail against your will when you’ve done nothing to deserve it really sucks (as opposed to being in jail for civil disobedience–which I’ve done three times . . . an entirely different feeling). Oh well. 🙁 Compared to the injustices committed by various trigger-happy police over the last months, I guess I shouldn’t complain.

This is Me Today – Making Myself Crazy

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Being a perfectionist is a vicious circle of events. Nothing is ever good enough. So we (or I) end up keeping endless stuff because I feel I have to finish it, get it right before I can let it go. I feel obligated to the stuff and myself. I’m letting myself down if I don’t do everything and do it right. I can’t just let things go so they pile up.

Ironically, the piles of actual stuff make me feel pressured and I can’t deal with all of it.

On top of that, no woman is an island. I get request from others who want me to do things for them. They even have deadlines and complain when stuff isn’t done, for them. Then I get annoyed because they expect me to just drop everything and put them first.

The joke is on me. I’m getting so little actually done that things are piling up (of course). In the end – I am the one on the bottom of the pile under all this stuff.

So, the plan is to wait until sometime in November when I will have the house (most of it) to myself and I can move things out of my work room and into other rooms. This will give me some space and maybe clear my mind a bit. If I feel I have some space to work in maybe I can actually get to work and get some of this stuff done.

Of course, we come back to the perfectionism issue.  Is making the space enough? Can I let things be imperfect? Can I decide to just get rid of some things, undone, not completed? Can I give up on some of the things which I thought mattered so much? That will be the hard part. It isn’t the stuff or the lack of space so much as feeling I am losing parts of myself and who I think I am and should be.

If I get rid of everything which makes me feel like I’m someone, what will be left of me? Once I am clutter free how will I know what to do with myself?