Where the Wild Things Are: Death and Dying

Originally posted to ‘BackWash: Where the Wild Things Are’ newsletter, May, 16, 2004.

My Dad is quite likely going to die soon, any day now. Don’t worry about sending sympathy, condolences or anything of that sort. You don’t know him. For me it’s a lot more personal.

People think the dying become almost holy. As if, while dying, they change and become a better person all of a sudden. You can’t talk badly about them, you must visit them and you should really, really hold their hand.

Well, my Dad was not a nice, happy, friendly Dad. His dying hasn’t changed that. I don’t want to hold his hand. I don’t want to go in and see him now that he is becoming a pile of meat rather than a human being. Sure, I can stick my hand inside a turkey each Thanksgiving and pull out the little bag of goodies. That doesn’t mean I want to do the same sort of ghoulish thing with my Dad. So, I am visiting him (second time will be today after work) but I am not going to touch him.

What do you believe about death? That gets tested each time someone close to us (physically or emotionally) dies. I still believe in reincarnation. I still believe the body becomes about as useful as roadkill once the person inside is gone. I still think the best body disposal method is compost in the family garden rather than taking up space in a graveyard plot. I’d much rather have my remains sucked up by worms and trees than rotting away in an expensive box.

Am I grossing you out? Am I being too blunt? Do you not want to think about death in such a practical way? Too bad. Death is part of life. There is no getting away from it. Death is always there, waiting at the end. That, I very strongly believe.

I’m not afraid of death. I’m just in no hurry to get there. I’d miss too many things. Every ordinary day, new inventions and ideas, seeing the tulips each Spring and so on.

Anyway, my Dad wants to be cremated. It looks like he will soon have his wish. I don’t think I will miss him. But I’m doing my best to be a good daughter now, in these last days. Not for him, not for myself especially, but for my brother and sisters who seem to expect something grand and dramatic and perfect. As if now that he is about to kick off forever we should honour him for the things he did right.

Three Beautiful Things #3

Three Beautiful Things

1. Corn chowder. Even if it does come from a can, it’s creamy and my favourite simple thing to make for one at the moment.

2. Just finished reading Fanged & Fabulous by Michelle Rowen, a paranormal fiction writer from right here in Ontario. The book was a lot of fun to read. I’m looking forward to the next one which is due out soon.

3. The snow is melting. It’s starting to feel a bit like Spring, even though it snowed a bit more (again) last night. Surely it won’t be long before the tulips for sale in the grocery stores are also poking up through the garden soil in the yard here.

Blog Talkers: Flowers

Blog Talkers: Flowers. Do you like flowers? When is the last time you received flowers? When is the last time you sent someone flowers? Do you think purchasing flowers is a waste of money? Do you garden? What is your favorite flower?

I do like flowers. I think the last time I was sent flowers my Mom sent them for my birthday over a year ago. I don’t send flowers but usually bring them to my Mom. Last time was last Autumn when I bought her a passion flower vine. I think buying flowers is lovely. Organic too. I don’t garden a lot. My Mom has the garden here. I used to have a space when we lived in the Stouffville area. I had a tulip bed at the back of the house. I like a lot of different flowers. Mainly those which come up early in the Spring like tulips, Christmas rose, and violas and sweet williams later in the season.

Blog Talkers – Spring

BlogTalkers:

Spring. What’s the best part of spring? What’s the worst part of spring? What does spring time mean to you? Do you get spring fever? Do you give your house a good spring cleaning? How has Daylight Saving Time changed your routine? What’s the best thing about Daylight Saving Time? What’s the worst? (other than the loss of time, of course – be original! 🙂 ).

Spring makes me think of tulips and other early Spring flowers. I like the rain in Spring, it helps melt away the snow. The last of the snow is usually pretty messy looking with road dirt, salt and sand and other things contributed from people’s pets. I think the only ugly thing in Spring is what is uncovered once the snow melts. One of the best things are the fresh rain and new growth, buds on trees and the grass suddenly becomes green and lush again.

I should do a Spring Cleaning. Not real keen on it. Daylight Saving wasn’t too bad for me. But it will help that I have this week off. I really can’t think of a best or worst for Daylight Savings time. It’s only an hour after all. One good thing, it makes an excuse for being a bit late for work at least one day. Of course, it works better if you happen to live alone and there isn’t anyone there to ‘remind’ you.